The Night of the Newborn Lamb

Wayne couldn't wait to give me this painting...so I got a Christmas present really early this year... Nov. 29th.  But I'm not complaining.  I love it.  Wayne's cousin Kathy Ashcroft painted it.  It's a giclee print of her original.    This photograph does not do it justice.... the lamb just tugs at my heart.  I may have had tears when Wayne surprised me with  it.  

"The Night of the Newborn Lamb"  

There is a lot of symbolism in this painting. Our Savior, Jesus Christ has been called the Lamb of God and so the lamb itself symbolizes the Christ Child.

The subtle cross behind the lamb and the red stripe coming from his side symbolizes the crucifixion.

The cloth represents the swaddling bands that Mary wrapped her newborn babe in and it also represents the burial linen that was left gently behind upon Christ's Resurrection.

The olives in the foreground represent the Atonement of our Savior, this sacred act that occurred in the Garden of Gethsemane is the single most important event in the history of mankind.

Day #24 Gratitude

I'm grateful for Thanksgiving.  I love this holiday full of family, food and gratitude... but I'm okay if it gets mixed up with Christmas festivities just a little bit too. I'm okay with Christmas music playing while I prepare the turkey and make my pumpkin pies. I'm okay with Christmas trees and lights being turned on before turkey day. Im okay seeing Christmas decorations in stores along side the autumn leaves and pilgrims. 

Because all of the things I'm grateful for ....family, my testimony, the gospel, forgiveness, grace, the atonement, beauty, mercy, second chances, unconditional love.... are all made possible because Jesus was born. 

So Thanksgiving and Christmas both reside in my heart on this beautiful day. 

We celebrated Trus-giving or Fakes-giving on Thanksgiving eve.  It was the only time all of my kids and grandkids could be together.  It was wonderful to sit at that table with my people and go around and say one thing we were thankful for.  Only two glasses of water were spilt, both by me. My parents would have laughed and said, "Hotel Utah."    We enjoyed turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, sausage and apple stuffing, Ruth's Chris sweet potato casserole,  yams and apples, sauteed squash and mushrooms, spinach salad and hot home made rolls, All delicious.

The only problem with Thanksgiving dinner on the  Wednesday before is it's also PIE night... we were all so stuffed the pies were painful.   Mom put pie night on the night before for just this reason...if we waited to eat pies after Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, we were too full and didn't enjoy them.

We went to the Pie Party at the Call's and of course too many pies, not enough eaters..but still great to be together.  I'm proud of Megan and Gary for continuing this tradition even without my sweet Sis, Marcie.

I missed my momma something terrible today.  Many times I would hold still and feel her presence.  It felt like a tingly warm hug going through out my body.  I used to shake this feeling off knowing tears were part of it, now I look forward to it and don't want it to end.  I'm grateful for my mom and dad and the family and traditions they created and have passed down to me.  My mom was a power house..a force of good and inclusion, and my dad was her biggest fan and best support.  I love them.    I'm grateful for strong family ties on both sides ..with the Welch and the Cole clans.  

Day #23 Gratitude

I'm grateful for service.
I got to visit a sweet lady in our ward this morning down at Orchard Cove, Liz Belliston.  She has had a very different life from mine.  She never married, was a career woman.  She had sisters who lived around her who have since moved away  and a mom who lived with her for awhile.   So she has family around but not close and all busy with their own families.  She has had bad health lately with hernia surgery,  knee replacements and falling down and hurting her arm and hand..and just in and out of hospitals and rehab centers.  It's really sad.  I enjoy visiting Liz though.  She is very interested in what's going on in the ward and with my family.  She is good at remembering.
Liz reminded me of a funny  Laila story, that I had totally forgotten.
When Laila was about 4 she was climbing around under the benches in our chapel during sacrament meeting.    She found a brass round electrical outlet cover .  She popped up in the middle of the meeting and announced, "Hey I found the Golden Plate!"  
So funny.
What a sweet memory.
I'm thankful for Liz and her life.   I'm thankful for her Laila memory.  I"m thankful for the opportunity to serve.

Day #22 Gratitude

I'm grateful to live in Bountiful.
Driving up and down the hill today I was just overcome with thankfulness to have this be my home town.  I'm grateful I was born and raised here, and able to raise my own family here.  I'm grateful my parents and Wayne's parents lived so close by...really just 2- 3 minutes by car.  This closeness has shaped Wayne and I and our children in beautiful ways.  Sunday night visits are easy and a must.
I like living in the Bountiful bubble with safe streets and neighborhoods..and neighbors who look out for each other.  It is such a blessing.

Day #21 Gratitude

I'm grateful for Alfie.    He is an opinionated almost 3 year old who is really a sweetheart.
Alfie loves eating  my spaghetti squash lasagna.  Alfie loves drinking with a Blue straw.  Alfie loves playing with papa's car track.  Alfie loves cool cars. Alfie loves to watch  Disney's Cars movie, over and over and over again.  Alfie loves hitting a ball with a bat.  Alfie loves ordering Tayla around. Alfie loves spending time at Meema's and Papa's house.
We love our Alfie.
So grateful for my grandkids!

Day #20 Gratitude

I'm grateful for  scriptures in my life.
I have an on again off again friendship with my scriptures.  I was raised reading them every day in family scripture reading.  I made it through seminary reading my scriptures just like I was supposed to yearly.  I have read the entire Book of Mormon multiple times.  We did morning scripture reading with our kids....so the scriptures are really familiar to me, but when we are told that we can find  all of our answers  to life's questions in the scriptures,  I get baffled.  It doesn't seem to always work for me in a literal sense, but it does work for me figuratively.  The act of going to the scriptures, attending church and the temple and praying all help me find answers and find peace.  

I have a few scriptures that are always coming back to my mind that just fill me with hope and joy.  They come to me just when I need them the most.   This is one of the benefits of scripture reading.

One scripture was on display on the wall  at my Grandma Butters for as along as I can remember.  It was made of cut out felt letters glued to a burlap background and framed.  My aunt Lynette made it for her.   It read......

"This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."  Psalms 118: 24 

This scripture pops up most mornings. It reminds me to be grateful and as a side note I think of my grandparents and the beautiful home and family they created.

This one goes through my head and heart a lot with regards to my children and the hand full of unanswered not understood questions that I have.   

" .. I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." 

 1 Nephi 11:17

I think of George Sharkey  when I recall this scripture, but it says so much about life and how we can get through it.  

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."  

2 Nephi 31:20 

Wayne and I chose this scripture as our family scripture when we first got married.   It's a great reminder of priorities. 

"....choose you this day whom ye will serve; ... as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."   Joshua 24: 15 

These Scriptures have become my friends.  I'm grateful.

Day #19 Gratitude

I'm grateful for my little tumbler.
Laila is participating in competition tumbling this year with team  FUZION.  She has to go to tumbling 6 hours a week to work out and practice.  It's a real work out.  50 back handsprings, 70 pushups and 70 frog jumps later  and9she's exhausted at the end of each 2 hour session.  She has trampoline time too, working on her skills.
She had her first practice meet today and did pretty good.
She is competing in the 6 level and working on skills for level 7 and 8. 
I like this team, because they are all supportive of each other, they like each other  and really cheer each other on.  It's so refreshing to see teenagers acting like this.

I'm grateful that Laila has committed to this, even when it's hard for her.

Day #18 Gratitude

I'm grateful for Time Out For Women.  I have really enjoyed this program that Deseret Book puts on with it's authors as inspirational speakers and LDS musicians.  I have gone to it for the past 6 years.  I remember the last time we took mom in November of 2012.  It was a struggle for her but she was determined to go and fill up her cup.  I've gone with family.....  I've gone with friends..it's always sold out and crowded. SO........

This year I wanted to do something a little different with this.  I got the DVD of many of the speakers for this year and I invited family to join me for dinner and a Favorite Things exchange and then the watching and discussing of 2-3 speakers.  This way........

We didn't have to find parking or fight the crowds.  We sat in VERY comfy chairs and watched the big screen, which if we went into the event we would end up watching the big screen anyway because of the chair situation.
Wanee, Jill, Tami, Angela, Lexi, Lindsey, Shelbi and Jesse ( Lexi's friend)  were all in attendance and we all LOVED IT.

We watched Alissa Parker talk about her daughter getting killed in the Sandy Hook Shooting and the aftermath of angels in her life.
We watched Michael McLean talk about his 9 year faith crisis and how the Lord answers our prayers in so many different ways, we just need to open our eyes and hearts and recognize this.
We watched Brad Wilcox talk about having a Sense of Humor and it's benefits...and choosing JOY in our lives.

We will do TOFW this way every year!

Day #17 Gratitude

Grateful for this little one!  Tayla Addilyn is a hoot.  She is full of expression.  She is smiley then scowly then giving the stink eye, then smiley again all in a a few seconds.
Tayla walks/runs everywhere now.  She is feeding herself and eats most anything because of all her teeth.  She adores her parents and is getting good at giving kisses and blowing kisses as she waves goodbye.
Tayla totally lights up when Laila comes around.  It's darling to watch.  
I love being a grandma...a Meema....more than I ever thougth I would.  It's so fun to watch Tayla grow and go and to watch Lexi and Monson learn how to be parents.  

Day #16 Gratitude

I'm grateful to be in the ward Relief Society presidency.  It's a chance for me to get to know the ladies in the presidency better-- Chris Briggs, Karen Smith, Shauna Mason and Gina Cengiz.  It's also a chance to visit so many other women in our ward and get to know them.  I'm thankful for this part.  We go out visiting to a few ladies each week.  We sit in their homes and feel of their goodness. The spirit confirms to me each time  that we are all in this together, just moving forward doing the best we know how and we need to help and lift along the way.  
Our goal is to get to everyone within a year.  We have 114 women we have stewardship over.

I also like being the counselor in charge of the activities and meetings. I do this with my chairman Barbara Schwartz and her committee.   We had a wonderful My Favorite things share around and fall dinner in October.  We are planning our January something and March birthday party dinner now.

Favorites on Thanksgiving

1. What is your favorite Thanksgiving side dish? Sausage Dressing. I remember the first time I tasted it at Wayne's family's Thanksgiving, I was surprised how much I liked it.  I loved my mom's basic bread, celery, onion and sage dressing...but adding the sausage just put it over the top.... Tom used to make it and now Wanee does each year.  It's comforting and delicious.  I also like Brussel sprouts in bacon, butter glazed carrots and cabbage, sweet potatoes with a crunchy top, fresh cranberry sauce, hot rolls.... well I just like it all.

2. What is your favorite Thanksgiving dessert? Pie, pie and more Pie.  I love pumpkin, apple -cranberry, berry,  pecan, rhubarb and all of the cream pies.

3. What does your ideal Thanksgiving outfit look like? Cute blousey top and stretchy pants. 

4. What is your best Thanksgiving memory? Eating all of the rolls at Grandma Butters house.  IT was always a big deal who could eat the most.   Liz usually won. 

5. Least favorite Thanksgiving dish.  Green bean casserole .  I really just like the crunchy onion on top. 

6. Do you have any quirky Thanksgiving traditions?  I have to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade.  Especially the Broadway show preview parts before the parade even begins.  
Family movie for Thanksgiving night.   We started this about 25 years ago when the kids were little...my parents didn't want to go so they tended the kids while we "movied" it up.  We would go early in the day to buy the movie tickets, which wasn't a problem...getting seats together was.  We had to get to the movie theatre to wait in line about an hour before. We would wait in the hallway, sit on the floor and eat popcorn, (when we could afford it) then when the theatre doors opened it was a mad scramble for seats.    As the kids got older, they joined us...and now with reserved seat movie theaters, it's just easier and easier.   

7. Where do you and your family usually celebrate Thanksgiving? Usually trading off between one of Wayne's siblings homes and first my Grandma Butters, then mom's home...and now it's at my home on the "Cole" year.  I don't know how long this rotation will last, but it's good for now.  This year we are with the  Terry and Cyrrena Welches in their basement along with Wanee and Holly, the Madsen's and the Mark Welch families.

8. What do you love most about Thanksgiving? Going around and saying what people are thankful for after the meal.  I think it's good to declare  this out loud every once in a while and to hear what my family has to say.   If I get too serious, I just cry so I try to keep it light, but I do love my thanksgiving journal that gets passed around to everyone who wants to write in it each year.  

9. What do you think has changed most since your first married Thanksgiving?  Well... we used to just show up and the food was just magically there....now we are the food makers.  Wayne and I are pretty much in charge of the garlic mashed potatoes each year for both sides of the family.  I guess that's ok...since we are good at it and our boys...aka Monson... eat the most. 

Day #15 Gratitude

Grateful for this beautiful extended Autumn weather we are enjoying
Grateful for good bread.  I've made Diane Lake's easy french bread recipe twice today..it does not disappoint.
Grateful for a good friend.  I feel so blessed to have many good friends. Today I got to spend some time with Si.  She is amazing in so many ways.  I always leave her presence feeling uplifted spiritually and empowered to be a better cook.
Grateful for air travel.  Wayne flew to California this morning and home tonight...and Tru flew in today for a little 24 lay over.  Even though Tru is based in NYC we still see him a lot.
Grateful Addison's family and Landon's family made it home safe from their fun Disneyland trips.
Grateful to take food to the cute Bingham girls...Heidi, Tara and Calli.  Tara just had a baby.  Calli is hoping to go into labor any day now, and Heidi had disk surgery and is in a neck brace trying to be the MOM and not even being able to pick up the baby.  It's so frustrating for her.  Hopefully our little food offering will help.
Grateful that Monson is getting closer to starting his new job with VISA credit card.  It will be a relief to him and his cute family to have $ coming in.
Grateful for my sweet DIL Lexi.  Today is the 3rd anniversary of her baptism. She continues to be a strong member, sharing her testimony and goodness.

Day #14 Gratitude

Guess what/  Our internet was down today from 3:00 to almost 10:00....we were at a standstill.
I went to look up a recipe...couldn't do it.
Laila needed to do her online school... couldn't do it.
Wayne needed to look up flight info, rental cars etc.. couldn't do it.
So we thought...well let's just watch some TV.....couldn't do it.  We are xfinity and the internet is tied into our television.
IT WAS CRAZY....
SO today I'm grateful for the internet.  It really is an amazing invention that connects us to the world and helps with homework, recipes,  business, education, staying in touch..... it's a beautiful thing.

Day #13 Gratitude

I'm grateful for Sunday nights at Wanee's home. It's so nice to sit around with Wayne's siblings and their families and Wanee and Holly and talk about our sacrament meetings and what we learned in our lessons.  We share about our kids and what's going on with them, and plan family events and what's happening this week with everyone.   Life is calm and sweet and we are so blessed to get along like we do.    I'm grateful that Laila has cousins around her age that she can share with.  It's always a better Sunday night when the cousins show up.

Day #12 Gratitude

I'm grateful for Mavericks!  I know this seems a bit shallow but traveling up and down the state, it really is the best gas and convenience store.  The Maverick people have it all figured out in their new stores...the layout, the fresh baked goods, the  mega drinks in foam cups to keep the ice lasting longer, the fresh limes and coconut flavoring for my caffeine free Diet coke...it's just delicious. 

Day #11 Gratitude

Grateful for Biking Buddy Friends.  When Wayne and I started riding our bikes Wayne automatically got swept into a "club" of sorts which gives him a group of guys to biking with.  IT's this same group that did LOTOJA with him last year.  Anyway,  we are grateful for them for biking with us and for their friendship.  On Friday we went down to St. George to bike and to see the tribute band of Crosby Stills, Nash and Young.  I didn't know if I knew any of the CSN  songs going into the night, but I recognized and sang along with quite a few.  "Treat your Children well,"  "Just a song before you go," "Love the one you're with."   It was really fun.  I fell in love with a gray ponytail idea for Wayne's retirement.  He could totally pull it off, but probably won't.   Then, of course, biking the trails on Saturday.  It was a great get-away with my Wayne.  I am so blessed.

Blake and Julie Wade, Wayne and Me, Kevin and Robyn Martin, Julie and Tom ( not shown) Uriona and Diane and Bob Lake ( not seen) 

Day #10 Gratitde

I'm grateful for a healthy body.  We had a bought of sickness on Thursday that brought me, Wayne, Laila, Lexi, Monson, Tayla and Addison all to our knees.  It was a quick flu for some and maybe food poisoning for others.  Whatever it was, it made me appreciate so much more all of my good days.  It really is a beautiful thing that our bodies can heal and bounce back.

Day #9 Gratitude

     I'm grateful that we all have the right to vote and I'm grateful the election season is over.  It has been a battle with so much vitriol spread by the presidential candidates.   I can't stand Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump.  I voted Independent party Evan McMullin because that's the only vote my conscience would allow.
     Today we unexpectedly  have a new president elect Donal Trump.....I really believed the polls and the media that he wouldn't win, so I was as shocked as anybody.  I guess what this shows is the country dislikes him less than they dislike Hillary.   I'm hoping Trump will be more like his "I won the election " speech and less like the hate speech he has been spewing this past year.   I liked Hillary Clinton's final speech and Pres. Obama's too.  We are Americans first.  We live in a great country..... we have a peaceful transition of power.  I like that.
     I understand that we as Americans are the one who shape this country not our President.
     I  know the sun continues to rise.  Wayne and I woke up this morning and went to work, Laila to school and we will live, worship, work and eat with each other day after week after year...no matter who the President is.    

Some of my favorite things

Some of my most recent favorite things...???
Hmmmm?

1.  Dr. Scholl shoes.  These help my feet feel so much better.  I did something to my second big toe on the right and I am going to have surgery to get the ligaments reattached.  It's only a 50% effective type of surgery so I'm getting a second opinion before I do it.

2.Turkey burger from Costco.  So much cheaper than ground beef and in soup, chile or lasagna I can't tell the difference and it's so much healthier for everyone.

3. Little books to write in.  I keep them in my purse and all around my house.  I know the "in" thing now is to just write on your phone...but the act of actually writing it down with my own hand on a piece of paper is just delightful to me.

4.  Diet Dr. Pepper.  I've been a long time Diet Coke fan...but Diet DP is just delicious to me right now.  Maybe it's the cherry? This is my new go to when I want caffeine.

5.  Alex and Ani bracelets.  I only have 3 but each one is significant to me.  One has an angel on it for climbing Angel's Landing; one is a crown that was given to me by beautiful friends on my birthday; one is a gift that Wayne gave me when I played Dolly in Hello Dolly...that part was such a gift to me. Anyway...I love wearing them and thinking on these things as I do.

6.   Grandkid time!  Oh my I am loving it.  It's so great to have them all living so close so I can get plenty of it.

7.   Leaf blowers.  Our front yard leaves were in the gutter for the leaf truck to suck up in a very short amount of time. This saved Wayne and my aching backs and shoulders.

8.  My new black office chair... I love how it spins.  I love how I can make it tall or short.  I love the cush factor.

9.  Chicago style Popcorn..cheese and carmel mixed..from Costco.

10.  That election season is OVER!!

Day #8 Gratitude

Grateful for GINGER CREAM COOKIES!   I love this old fashioned cookie that my Grandma Butters taught me to make.   I remember going to her home and smelling the ginger and just moaning in delight as we ate them.   I love them.  Wayne loves them.  My kids love them...( not Monson..too sweet)  The soft ginger cookie and the brown butter frosting...just melt in your mouth.
I'm also grateful for wax paper so my cookies can be stacked and not stick together.  DELICIOUS

Day #7 Gratitude

Oh what  gorgeous weather we are having! I'm thankful for sunshine and crunchy leaves.  I'm out cleaning up my back yard today and it's just heavenly being able to do this without wind, rain and freezing cold.   I love the sun on my shoulders and the cool air.  We have a lot of trees in our yard, which is great for summer shade, but makes for a lot of yard work in the fall and spring.   Sure is pretty though.

Day #6 Gratitude

I'm grateful for Relief Society.  I love being a part of this organization that lifts and serves and helps one another.
Today I taught a lesson from Sister Oscarson's talk from last April conference "Do I believe?"  It's about those defining moments in our lives when we are in crisis and all of the teachings and claims and truths we make as a church come into focus and we ask ourselves, "Do I believe?"  I shared when Laila had her head injury/cracked and bleeding skull accident 8 years ago.  Wayne was in China and I was pleading and praying and having priesthood blessings and all of my Families are forever...plan of Salvation lessons came into focus.  It brought me great comfort and strength knowing these are truths.  We had the Young Women with us in this combined lesson and we heard from 3 Young Women, one newly married, and 3 other sisters about "DO I believe" moments in their lives .  It was a powerful meeting and the spirit was very strong.  We ended with a mother/daughter group singing "I know that my Redeemer lives."  OH I just love sharing and learning the gospel with these sweet sisters...and I'm so glad it can happen weekly in Relief Society.  We need to lean on each other's testimonies sometimes.   Oh, how we need each other.

Day #5 Gratitude

Grateful today for motorcycles and great family and friends to go on rides with.  Wayne and I really enjoy going on his bike.  Today we spent 6 hours doing mostly backroads to Peterson, Morgan, East Canyon Dam, Henefer, Echo Dam. Coalville..down to Jeremy Ranch and then East Canyon, Emigration Canyon and back home.  What a gorgeous day.  We did have to bundle up , but the sun was shining.  We had dinner at Ruth’s Diner. 

It's fun that so many of our family and friends have ( had)  motorcycles.  Angela and Guy, the Belnaps,  Wangsgaards , Brad and Karen, Bailey and Steve, Terry and Cyrrena,...so we have many options of who to ride with.   Laila  loves it. Monson got his motorcycle license and rides with Wayne too.

I'm grateful to spend the time with Wayne on the back of his motorcycle.  We listen to music, talk a bit, meditate, look at the gorgeous scenery, plan lessons and sing.  It's a good time.  

Day #4 Gratitude

I'm grateful to be at this point in my life.
Tru just flew in today to gather some stuff to take back to NYC.  He is living the POOR life for about a year until he gets better flights and figure out living expenses.  HE doesn't have any shelves or even a table to eat on...and it's ok, for now.  He's so great though to have a round. He seems to be in a better place emotionally and is just really loving his life, even with no money. He says he just checked his bank account and he has .98 to his name.  WOW
Monson and Lexi are in poor newlywed stage as well while Monson waits for VISA to hire him and works on a commission job with Crusher.  They hang out at our house a lot.  I'm glad they are in Bountiful so we can help them out.
 I remember those beginning work days back in our 20's when we didn't have money to go out and everything in our fridge looked horrible.  When our only entertainment was watching tv and playing card games or hanging out at our parents.   We  made it though the lean years and are more grateful for our life and the many temporal blessings we enjoy today.  It's nice to not be so stressed about money and to be able to help our kids out now and again.

Day #3 Gratitude

I'm grateful for wrapping paper.
I was wrapping birthday presents this morning for some friends and Laila said, "Your mom taught you how to do that really wll."  She remembered the stories of mom wrapping so many packages when my dad owned a men's clothing store through the 60's in Bountiful...Cole Esquire.  Mom was such a good wrapper that people brought in other packages for her to wrap for them. She always used tissue paper inside the boxes, beautiful wrapping paper that would crease well and plenty of ribbon on the outside.  She loved curly ribbon of all colors that she could run her scissors down and make curl even more.  Mom taught me and Marcie to wrap presents  and in our teen years we did holiday wrapping jobs for stores in the 1500 South shopping mall  which isn't there anymore.
Now when I'm wrapping packages at Christmas time, or birthdays, I really do think of my mom and how she loved to wrap.  Grateful for wrapping paper and these memories.

Day #2 Gratitude

Grateful for clean sheets.
     I'm going small here...but clean sheets are just the best.  When I was growing up  my mom had a housekeeper every two weeks to help her out. Funny thing is my parents were never "rich", but this was a necessity for my mom to keep her sane and let her be her creative self and not worry so much about housework.  Anyway..... her name was Eugenia Chapman and she was the best!  She helped my mom for at least 30 years until Eugenia retired .
     We knew when Eugenia came we would have clean sheets and a clean refrigerator.   Eugenia would wash our sheets then wait til we got home from school so we could help her put them back on our beds.  Sometimes Eugenia even made dinner before she left.  Anything to help my mom out.   When I change my bedding and get clean sheets on, I think of Eugenia and Mom.

Day #1 of Gratitude

I try to always live with a grateful heart, but I love this season of Thanksgiving which  puts gratitude in the forefront.   I"m going to practice 24 days of Gratitude between now and Thanksgiving.

I am so grateful for my testimony of  Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for his atonement in my life .   I am grateful for his redeeming love which continues to renew me.    I have had difficult, dark times that I was only able to get through by leaning on God and turning it all over to him.  I know he lives and I know he love me.  I know he hears me and he answers when I pray.   There is so much I don't understand, but I do understand that whatever I"m going through, it's better with my Heavenly Father by my side.   I know I'm a Child of God and that we are all connected.  I know Love really does conquer all, and this love comes in and through Jesus Christ.  

I have been working on a Relief Society lesson from Sis Oscarson's talk, "Do I believe."  It's a great talk  about getting the gospel from our heads to our hearts, and remembering those pivotal moments in life when one has to rely on faith and testimony and the question of "Do I believe" comes to the forefront and needs to be answered.  I've answered YES time and again to this question.   For my lesson I could talk about my sons coming out as Gay, I could talk about Laura Belnap getting in an accident in China, I could talk about Wayne coming off the plane from China totally dizzy and messed up, I could talk about my Mom's, Dad's and Marcie's deaths and their impact on me, I could talk about so many "Why I believe" moments in my life.....but the one I am going to share is when Laila fell and hit her head and was life flighted to Primary Children's with a cracked and bleeding skull.  Wayne was in China.. I felt so alone, and then not alone at all knowing there were so many people on both sides of the vail pulling for this little angel.  I knew whatever happened to her..if she had to go to heaven, ...... I knew I believed that family is forever and I would be able to raise her in the eternities.  It was impressed on my heart so strongly.  It was a wonderful "Do I believe?" moment answered by a resounding YES in my heart.