Antiracist club for September... Microaggressions

 "That's so gay."

"You throw like a girl"

"You just need to try harder."

"What are you?"

Tru lead our monthly ANTI-Racism discussion last night. This time it centered on Micro-aggressions.  Most of us have experienced these.  And we need to get better at being sorry when we unintentionally say things that hurt other people.  We all need to try and do better.  Be more Christlike in our interactions.  I'm still so grateful that my kids in 4 different households come together with Wayne and I and have these type of focused discussions. 

Why the greeting card analogy? 🤔 Most of the time, these statements are made with good intentions/intended as compliments – but that’s what makes them microaggressions: comments that subtly (and often unconsciously) express a prejudiced attitude toward members of marginalized groups. In this case, we’re talking about black people:

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👸🏾 “You’re so pretty for a black girl!” Normally said when a black woman is actually *beautiful* even though she has darker skin! Implies that black women are inherently unattractive. Use instead: “You’re so pretty!” (The end!)

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🔘 “You’re the whitest black person I know!” Normally said when a black person’s personality traits go against the stereotypical norm. Implies that black people are one-dimensional. Use instead: “I love _________ about you!”

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💬 “You’re so articulate!” Normally said when a black person uses ‘proper’ grammar. Implies that black people are inherently inarticulate. Use instead: Nothing. 😂 Let’s just not!

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🌍 “No, where are you REALLY from?” Normally said when a person of color says that they’re American (but doesn’t appear to be at first glance). Implies “exotic” nature. Use instead: “Tell me more about yourself!” That way, they can choose whether or not to share.

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✋🏽 “Your name is too hard to pronounce so I made you a nickname!” Normally said when a black person has a name that goes against stereotypical norms. Implies that learning how to pronounce it is an inconvenience. Use instead: “Please, correct me if I’m mispronouncing it.”

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🤦🏾‍♀️ “Is that all your real hair?” Normally said when a black person has a hairstyle of any kind. Implies that we’re incapable of growing a lot of hair. Use instead: “I love your hair!”

What are you for?

In our curent Political climate.. and with a Presidential election coming, I get tired of all of the rhetoric.  I get tired of people not really examining their beliefs and what they are for, yet they are really good at automatically saying what they are against.   

I don’t want to know what you are against, I want to know what you are for.

I want to have term limits on Congress. (4 terms max) I want to get rid of lifetime politicians who become so out of touch with the little guy.  

I want to keep the Electoral College BUT make it a percentage of the vote in that state.  No all Republican or all Democrat states.  Then everyone's vote would count.

I want to get rid of racism and unnecessary police brutality and hold those accountable who abuse their power.  I want police to wear a webcam and not have any excuse of it not working, forgetting it, or a lost tape. I want more de-escalation training.  I want to de-militarize our police. I want police departments to include social workers and mental health professionals.  

I want mass incarceration to stop and private prison programs to be abolished. I want to weed out racism and ensure the punishments match the crimes. 

I want immigrants to get proper vetting, and have a refuge, a safe place to come from unimaginable terror and poverty, and give them the chances we have.  I want parents and children to stay together and not be separated and kept in cages. 

I want logical gun control to help prevent mass shootings.   Ban fully automatic assault weapons.  Make background checks more rigorous. And I want to keep our second amendment rights.

 

I want all religions to be able to practice and worship freely.

I want taxes for the rich to help the poor… and to set up some system that it’s not a handout but a hand up. 

I want to work hard and make sure that healthcare and education are affordable for all.

I want people of all sexual orientations to be able to love freely no matter who they love.  I support LGBTQ rights and marriage for ALL. 

I want babies to be born, but under some circumstances, this can’t happen.  

Just making Abortion illegal doesn’t mean it’s going to stop. This actually makes it more dangerous.  I’m all for education and birth control resources which has actually been shown to lower abortion rates.  AND I endorse the perspective that unborn children have the right to live.   

I want to have our constitutional rights, and I believe in science and medicine helping in the education and prevention of the spread of disease.  

I love America, and I also recognize our faults and I want us all to do better and to be better.   I want to recognize the ugly parts of our history and do everything we can not to let those parts happen again. 

I want us to stop being a country of us vs. them.   My position is one of meeting in the middle, discussion, empathy, compassion and curiosity. 

Owning God

When my son left the church, he thought that he couldn’t believe in God anymore.  In his mind God was so tied up with the LDS church that he felt like the church “owned” God.  If he was leaving the church, he was leaving God.  BUT the church does NOT own God.  

In our family journey, we have discovered that the church does not own a lot of things.  The church doesn’t own family night, happiness, the sabbath, service, values or love.

We are so tied up in doing what the church asks that I think sometimes we lose sight as to what really is important -- to love and accept our children period.  We have five kids and only two participate in the church.  They are all really good people and it’s not because the church made them that way.  God made them that way.  

One of the problems in the church is that we are constantly taught how things should look or that our lives will look a certain way if we are righteous.  But that's not always true.  Checking the box so you look a certain way on the outside, does not mean you are converted, have a testimony, want to follow Christ, and love everyone.   There are plenty of great people out there who are not part of our religion who follow Christ and his example; who reach out, serve, love, and accept.  

There is not one path back to God.  I believe that we all have our own path back to God and it is narrow because nobody else can walk beside us.  I have my path, my kids have their own path.  

It all comes down to finding ways to bring the family together beyond church; what values we hold to and what we have in common. 

I believe in a loving, merciful GOD...and I hope one day ALL of my children will too.

Family Pictures

Family pictures....aye yay yay!

These are less than perfect, but at least they are done.  Tru came into town because the fire's in Portland and all over Oregon, Washington, and Northern California are making the air thick with smoke and the air quality of being outside in it is like smoking 18 packs of cigarettes.  It's frightful.  Anyway,  Tru came into town to escape that with his partner, Levi and we threw together a family picture.  

We set the camera up on a tripod and had a friend push the button.  What we needed was someone shouting the two-year-old names, to keep their focus and knowing where to look....but they are Poppy and Lady and at least all of the rest of us look good.    

Bre stepped behind the camera and got the rest of these shots.  We are grateful for her and Addison's efforts.    

I love this bunch.    

My family doesn’t fit the mold and maybe yours doesn’t either. Does anybody’s? 

Which is all the more reason to love and to give grace to all.  Curiosity and compassion trumps closed minds and hard hearts every time. 

 

Labor Day with the Wangsgaards

                                              

I‘m sitting in a Marriott in Newport Beach California, writing this.  Two weeks ago our Wangsgaard friends invited us to share their vacay weekend so we jumped on it.   Their son Tate, and wife Caroline and two grands would also be joining us here and there.  We had a free companion air ticket and lots of hotel points.  It’s great to be in the sun and on the beach at sunset, or sitting by a pool. We are doing all of the outside stuff.   It really feels like one last sunshiney moment and then Summer is gone again...my favorite season.  

Traveling in the time of COVID is different:  The airplane was at ⅔ capacity with every middle seat left empty.  All are in required masks.  They give you a treat prepackaged bag of water, cookies, wipes.  They hand out sanitizing wipes and more wipes.  The airport was just as crowded as always.  Just a lot of masked people trying to stay away from each other.  

The hotel is mandatory masks as you walk around inside of it.  You can have maid service or not..but mostly not.   By the pools masks are up to you.   The deck chairs are spaced out feet between a set of two chairs.  It’s all interesting.  No dragging chairs closer or to make a group of four.  

The restaurants are open for takeout or outside seating only.

The beaches are packed, so we just try and stay away from people… set up our space and keep our distance.   We did Newport Beach then Corona Del Mar Beach then back to Newport.  We have had amazing sunsets every night.

We have a great time hanging out with Tim and Linda.  We have known them for 33 years.  Linda is happy if she eats at the same Great Mex place every day and has her shrimp burrito.  It is really delish...but I need variety.  We found an amazing sushi place on Sunday...an all you can eat, and between the four of us  ( Tim, Wayne, Tate Wangsgaard, Me) we ate TOO MUCH.  If there is any sushi leftover they charge you $2.oo a piece, so we couldn’t have that happen.   We have tried all of the flavors of Sidecar Donuts..and Linda and I determined that Salted Butter is the best… Wayne and Tim think it’s maple with Bacon.  We headed back to Newport Beach on actual Labor Day -- it was foggy and gorgeous, with crazy waves. We ended our trip with a Downtown Disney excursion for shopping and more food-- Black Tap and Salt and Straw.

 Favorites about our California trip:

Tim:

Side car donuts.  (We spent about $100.00 with our three trips to the donut shop. )

Black tap burger while in Downtown Disney.

Corona beach. 

Dancing on beach. 

Driving around in search for canning lids because Linda can't find any in Utah. 

Wayne: 

Trying ALL of the Side car donuts. 

Black tap burger. 

Beach sunsets. 

Sushi experience at Makino. 

Linda: 

Grand daughter Ami dancing on the beach with us.  

Spending time with friends and family. 

Entering downtown Disney was magical. 

Sunsets. 

Great Mex shrimp burrito. - Had one every day for four days.

Melinda:  

Beach sunsets. 

Lobster sushi roll at Makinos. 

Donuts - butter and salt from Sidecar. 

That big wave coming up and drenching our stuff at Newport Beach. 

Sitting on the beach with a book in my ear and friends around. 

                                                                     DAY 1

     

DAY 2

                                                                              DAY 3- 

                                                                            DAY 4 -