With all of the recent mass shootings and so much violence in our
society it’s easy to want to just bury your head and stay in bed… atleast stay
home and not participate in crowds or with other people. This article written right after the Las Vegas gives me pause...
2017 Las Vegas shooting:
"It was crazy - I laid on top of the kids. They're
20. I'm 53. I lived a good life," McGarry said. The back of his shirt bore
footmarks, after people ran over him in the panicked crowd.
There are no safe places anymore. Not our schools or churches. Not concerts or malls. Not airplanes or subways. Sometimes the monsters even lurk within the confines of our homes.
There's no safe places anymore, which is every parents' worst nightmare.
And while I am grief-stricken for the tragic events that occurred in Las Vegas last night while I lay peacefully sleeping in my bed, while I am grief stricken and filled with rage and nauseous with the weight of how many lives this impacted, I am not shocked.
In the coming days, there will be an incessant need to validate viewpoints on gun control. There will be references to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers. There will be finger pointing at the NRA and the lack of support for the mentally ill in our country.
We won't agree, so nothing will change.
So, I am not shocked that the deadliest mass shooting in our country happened last night, and I won't be shocked when it happens again -- because it will.
Instead, I will go over -- again -- what my children should do if they ever encounter gunfire. I will explain to them when they should run, when they should hide, and when they should remain silent. I will prepare them for this world and pray they will never need to use the information.
I will tell them to look for the helpers, because they are always there. I will hope they remember my tips to guide them to safety. And I will encourage them to be kind to everyone they meet, because you never know the heartache they are carrying. If only we could clearly see and know how to help those among us that are most damaged inside before they unleash their pain on others.
There are no safe places anymore, and as we release our kids out into the world, oftentimes we won't be there to lay over their bodies, protecting them from gunfire.
All we can control is our own behaviors, the love we have for others and the hope we can still find in our hearts.
And when we don't know what to do, when senseless acts of violence rattle us to our core, when the world seems to come unhinged, the only thing we can do is try to do good.
Do something -- anything -- good today. Do it for someone you don't know. Do it for someone you dislike. Do it for someone because maybe, just maybe, it will stop them from hurting someone else.
Because there are no more safe places, but we're all still in this life together.
There are no safe places anymore. Not our schools or churches. Not concerts or malls. Not airplanes or subways. Sometimes the monsters even lurk within the confines of our homes.
There's no safe places anymore, which is every parents' worst nightmare.
And while I am grief-stricken for the tragic events that occurred in Las Vegas last night while I lay peacefully sleeping in my bed, while I am grief stricken and filled with rage and nauseous with the weight of how many lives this impacted, I am not shocked.
In the coming days, there will be an incessant need to validate viewpoints on gun control. There will be references to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers. There will be finger pointing at the NRA and the lack of support for the mentally ill in our country.
We won't agree, so nothing will change.
So, I am not shocked that the deadliest mass shooting in our country happened last night, and I won't be shocked when it happens again -- because it will.
Instead, I will go over -- again -- what my children should do if they ever encounter gunfire. I will explain to them when they should run, when they should hide, and when they should remain silent. I will prepare them for this world and pray they will never need to use the information.
I will tell them to look for the helpers, because they are always there. I will hope they remember my tips to guide them to safety. And I will encourage them to be kind to everyone they meet, because you never know the heartache they are carrying. If only we could clearly see and know how to help those among us that are most damaged inside before they unleash their pain on others.
There are no safe places anymore, and as we release our kids out into the world, oftentimes we won't be there to lay over their bodies, protecting them from gunfire.
All we can control is our own behaviors, the love we have for others and the hope we can still find in our hearts.
And when we don't know what to do, when senseless acts of violence rattle us to our core, when the world seems to come unhinged, the only thing we can do is try to do good.
Do something -- anything -- good today. Do it for someone you don't know. Do it for someone you dislike. Do it for someone because maybe, just maybe, it will stop them from hurting someone else.
Because there are no more safe places, but we're all still in this life together.
One of my favorite thought leaders is Brene Brown. She is a researcher on shame and vulnerability and other human conditions. She writes:
Brene Brown: We are in
a spiritual crisis, and the key to building a true belonging practice is
maintaining our belief in inextricable human connection.
Our belief in
inextricable human connection is one of our most renewable sources of courage
. I can stand up for what I believe is
right when I know that regardless of the push back and criticism I’m connected
to myself and others in a way that can’t be severed.
We know that people are wonderful and they can be
hard. Every day life can be incredibly
hard and the people around us can push us to the end of our nerves and our
civility.
So how do we cultivate
and grow this belief of inextricable human connection internally? The answer from Brene Brown's research is…Show
up for moments of collective joy and pain so we can actually bear witness to
inextricable human connection.
We need to engage in
moments of joy and pain with strangers.
We have to catch enough glimpses of
people connecting to one another and having fun together that we believe
it’s true and possible for all of us.
Why do we need to put
so much value on collective moments?
Because we need to come
together in Joy and in Pain. We need
these constant reminders. These gatherings fortify
our belief in each other.
Let’s explore what experiences of collective
joy and pain look like:
Monson’s Canada Choir trip 2011. We have walked around Victoria, BC and sung
at historical places all day. Now it’s
free time . Superintendant Bryan Bowles took all of the
chaperones on the choir trip to dinner at Pagliacci’s...in Victoria, British
Columbia, and we all ordered Italian food. The restaurant was really noisy and
Billy Joel’s Piano Man came
on the speaker over head. Larry Smith, Laura Belnap and I all started singing it softly at the table, and
pretty soon all of the chaperones were singing and laughing and conducting the
song with their forks....... and the
other restaurant eaters were looking at us and the waitresses were smiling and
when we got to the chorus of the song, I shouted out to the entire smiling
restaurant...”Everybody”....and Everybody in the restaurant joined in
with us and sang the chorus to Piano Man, at the top of their lungs. Swaying back and forth to the rhythm.....like
in a movie. We all clapped and high
fived as we got to the end...and then the wait staff wanted to know what else
we wanted to sing.....so we all sang Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline ........ and some students, who were also
there, videoed it and showed all of the other choir kids and they couldn’t
believe their chaperones were being so crazy and having so much fun and none of
them were even drunk.... and as we left the restaurant many patrons were sad to
see their entertainment go. IT was a
moment of collective JOY
A beautiful reminder
at my Mom’s viewing of collective pain and joy.
We were exhausted after greeting so many well wishers and loved ones at mom’s
viewing. It was crazy crowded and really
just wiped us all out. It was good to
mourn with everyone that came out and feel of their love for my mother and for
all of us. Sometimes it hurt so much I
couldn’t even breathe…but once they had
all left we were having a little family time and my dad said let’s cheer up and
all sing the family song. Dad led us
all in a smile through tears rendition of Once
I went a swimming. It was so
rollicking that the funeral director’s had to pop in the room to see if we were
ok. It’s a family favorite song and now it’s tied to this beautiful memory of
my dad and my mom. …
Attending funerals
critically important and when you are there you take part in all of it… every
song, every prayer…
Collective pain. My
brother and sisters and I sat vigil around dad for a week before he died. Dad said some really cute things while he was
in and out of consciousness for his last 7 days. At one point I asked him if he needed any
thing else and in his delirium he said, “I am sufficiently suffonsified and
anything else would be superfluous.” He
always would wake up just enough to tell people he loved them. He ate imaginary food and seemed to enjoy it
immensely. He saw mom and said she was
just as beautiful as ever. He heard
angel choirs and saw many people in his room including Marcie. At one point he opened his eyes , looked at
us all sitting vigil and said, “Thank you for everything.” It was sweet.
Dad has sleep apnea and so he would stop breathing for about 20 seconds
of every minute…then snore and breathe again.
At the end, Dad was doing this…but this time he didn’t breathe for 40
seconds. We all thought this was it, and
leaned in and teared up…then dad let out a snore and we all laughed…but really
that was his last breath. We couldn’t
believe it. He had us laughing and
crying to the end.
Mom’s last Sharing Sheri… we all gathered with joy and in
pain as she told us what she believed and how we should go on when she is
gone. Mom had a grand Birthday
celebration. We all gathered…the kids
and grandkids..and great grandkid Ryan…to sing to mom and celebrate. It was teary but wonderful. We sang Christmas carols and other hymns and
primary songs together, then we also sang solos—country, broadway, church…you
name it…anything you wanted to cheer up Momma.
She was in Heaven! Then she took the time to tell us all about
her Mission statement. This has been
calligraphied up and displayed outside of her bedroom door for years. She went through each part and talked about
it and hoped she had exemplified it. She
really wanted her grandkids to know how important it is to be nice and have
unconditional love. How important her
Heavenly Father and Savior is in her life and how she hopes she will return
with Honor. We said a big final family prayer and then put all of our hands in
the middle with one big resounding, “Forever!”
It was a beautiful time.
A sacred time. In fact, Mom’s bedside felt peaceful and for lack of a
better word…sacred. I wrote back in 2013: " I am drawn to it, we
all are. I don’t want to miss it..or
her. I am trying to memorize her hands and face and voice and all of her. She is beautiful inside and out and always
has been. I know she will leave a void
and an ache. "
Cross town rivals Bountiful High and Woods Cross High. Bountiful dominated football for 24 years,
but now Woods cross is on the winning side and a rivalry game is anyone’s
bet. It was pleasure to be there Sept.
2017 to watch our Laila cheer her heart
out for the Braves. At the end of 4 quarters of play it was a tied score 7- 7…because
of a missed field goal by the Braves with only 2 seconds left on the
clock. Heart break. Now the Wildcats had a turn to score and they
did with a field goal. The Braves were
disheartened…but then their quarter back did two quarter back sneak plays and
ran in for a final touch down. The crowd went wild, screaming, hugging, crying,
storming the field. It was complete
collective JOY for the Braves and total collective Pain on the Woods Cross side. We all witnessed it together.
Attending theatre can be times of collective Joy for
me. Two times in particular come to
mind. Recently I waited in a standby
line for 3 hours in hopes to get tickets to Come
From Away. All the tickets were gone, but I did get standing room only tickets with Truman. We stood in the back of the
theatre just hoping it would be a good show and take away our thoughts of
standing up for two hours and really engage us.
It did not disappoint. It’s a
beautiful show about 9/11 It is set in the week following the September
11 attacks and tells the true story of what transpired
when 38 planes were ordered to land unexpectedly in the small town of Gander,
Newfoundland. The
characters in the musical are based on (and in most cases share the names of)
real Gander residents as well as some of the 7,000 stranded travelers they
housed and fed. It was amazing to stand
in the sell out crowd and be there as everyone jumped to their feet for the
curtain call bows and then proceeded to dance with each other in the aisles and their seats. The live band
orchestra on stage just kept playing as along as they could. It’s
like none of us wanted to leave.
Collective JOY!
A second experience happened at a BHS choir trip to
Washington DC. We took all of the kids
to see Big River at the Historical Ford Theater where Lincoln was shot. It was performed by a Sign Language group..with two characters on
stage for each part..a speaker one and one dressed exactly like the first as a
sign language character. It was
incredible. When the song Waiting
for the Light to Shine came on it was sung and signed powerfully with the
orchestration. Then the music stopped, the singers went quiet but the signers
carried on- using their powerful fingers and signing their hearts out. It was almost spiritual for all in the entire
audience. We gave a standing ovation in
the middle of the show… collective JOY.
I will never forget this experience.
Being in a show or as an audience member is being together
in the experience. It is not the same
watching at home through the tv glass.
Music continues to bring me memories of collective Joy. One Christmas Eve at mom’s house…she served a
delicious dinner prior to our gathering to sing Christmas Hymns and end with
our family four part rendition of the
Hallelujah Chorus. It as mom and Dad,
Liz and Al, My family and Marcie’s family.
Mom set a beautiful table with gold rimmed plates, gold flatware and
gold candles and jingle bells scattered on the table. As my
nephew Nelson Call was helping to clear
the table he picked up a jingle bell and rang it in time and started singing…”Hark
How the Bells…” by the time he sang
“sweet silver bells” I had joined in with him. That’s all it took for the family choir to
either pick up gold jingle bells and chime in time, or sing the rest of the
song in four part harmony perfectly. IT
WAS AMAZING. One of our family’s
best. We all clapped and laughed for
each other and then said…oh dang, we should have videoed it…but we tried again
and couldn’t do it. It was one and
done. Collective JOY
Collective Pain: Where I was when the Challenger explode? It was my prep period as I was teaching at Bountiful High in 1986. I had walked up to the copy center
room. Veon Cox- the center leader was watching the Tv in excitement of the launch I stood and watched it with her, just shooting the breeze...then we watched in horror when it exploded and
hugged each other - speechless.
Where was I when the towers were brought down in 9/11? Once again I was teaching at Bountiful High. I was subbing for my sister Angela who had just had a baby 1 week earlier- Preston Brown. It was right when school started and a girl ran into my room and said a plane had just
hit world trade center. We turned on the Tv and this whole classroom of drama kids watched together. It felt good to be together. Finally we were all excused to go to our own homes..and then I processed it alone, and
it was TOOO hard.
Life and death situations….
Scary pain… Nataly Kogan Live Happy
“We landed with a lot of shaking,
but safely. Surrounded by fire trucks, the plane eventually came to a stop and
the cabin erupted into the loudest of applause. Everyone was glowing and being
extra kind to each other, asking everyone if they were okay, just celebrating
this moment together. I thought about how crises often bring out the best of us
and what we can do to remember to keep that best going when everything is okay.”
Collective effervescence_- moments of shared emotion, but
not moments of real connection. It’s a
ministry of presence. It’s about being
with others sometimes even without conversation. These moments can turn into real connection
if you spend time and conversation with those around you.
Is Culture of stranger danger helping us or holding us
back??
Our socialization is to look down and not to engage when out in public and someone draws attention to themselves, we don't want to witness their embarrassment. But we need to reach out…be human…be real. These can be moments of inextricable
connection. It’s about whether we are willing to invest. It’s about
vulnerability. Being friendly is seen as
uncool…seen as like less intellectual? We need to put down this "being cool" persona and just
engage with people.
Connection is not
hanging out with people who hate the same people that we do. That’s common enemy intimacy which is
counterfeit connection. It’s not fuel
for real connection. We amplify
cynicism. Can leave us with
regrets. Fuels spiritual crisis of
disconnection. Here’s what and who we
hate….
When a collective
comes together to be negative about someone or something…It does not bond. There is no true belonging or
connection. Dehumanizing and
objectifying negate collective joy and pain.
No gossip policy
Social Media…. Use to
keep self warm and nourished or you can burn down the barn.
Face to face
connection is imperative in our true belonging practice. It’s essential. Social media is helpful in cultivating
connection only to the extent where there is real community with structure, purpose
and meaning…and face to face contact.
Susan Pinker: There is no substitute for in person
interactions.
SOCIAL INTERACTION
can:
Bolster our immune
system
Send positive hormones
surging through our blood stream and brain
Help us live longer
I call this building
your village and building it is a matter of life and death. Social interaction helps us live longer,
healthier lives.
Staying away from
people is equal to…Pack a day cigarette habit, hyper tension or obesity
Foreboding joy…only
way to combat this is gratitude. The
only people who can really lean into joy is those who practice gratitude. It takes real courage for us to feel pain. We spread hurt rather than deal with what’s
inside.
We have to be brave to seek out joy and pain..it takes courage and courage takes vulnerability.
