Lights On Party

Oh my goodness we had a wonderful night!   Our 3rd annual Lights on Party was perfect.  Once everyone gathered and I brought out the fondue, the enthusiastic response from Sophia with clapping and cheers, made all of the preparation worth it.  She is a wonderful cheer leader and leads her life with gusto.  It's a joy to be a part of this.  My other Grandkids loved it too, just not as enthusiastically.  

 We did our traditional pajamas for everyone and then turned out all of the lights in our home and turned on the Christmas trees one by one, sang a christmas carol and oo-ed and awed over each one.  We passed the candle and said nice, loving things about each other.  Wayne did a share your light presentation showing some of the Light the world videos  and having everyone tell some ideas of what they are going to do to share light like Jesus would have us do.  THEN..... I have decided that when I die in about 30 years... I want "Were you There" sung at my funeral....just like my mom did.  I told the family they have 30 years to get really great at it and we started this practice during our Lights on party.  It as beautiful.  I loved sitting and singing by Sophia...she sang it with all of her heart.      Our music video that we made this night was to Andy Williams, "It's the Most Wonderful time of the Year," because it was!

We were missing our Portland boy Truman and our sick boy Monson....but everyone else showed up to play!   Just how I like it.

My favorite pic of the night...all of the Grandkids loving on Papa Wayne!

Thanksgiving

LET THE PIE PARTIES BEGIN!! 

 Landon and Alex through a very successful and tasty Pie Party in conjunction with Blaine and Sarah Bentley.  I love that these two couples through a pie party together.   It is so good to bring people together conservative and liberal and just see that people are people and we can all get along.  I loved watching it all take place.   I took a fork full of 10 different pies...all delicious.   We  had our kids, and Liz and Al in attendance and nieces and nephew-- Kimberly, Nathan and Charlotte Shurtz ...and other  friends and Brazilians that we have learned to know and love.  I love this Momma Sheri tradition that so many people have picked up. She was a pie party pioneer.    I was giving Laila the history of Pie parties ( because her friends had never heard of it)  and how they all started with Mom Sheri making the best pies and Grandpa Butters insisting on cutting the pies and eating them the night before Thanksgiving so we could all enjoy them without being full.   Perfect!    That was like 1973.  I like to use Tom Welch’s saying when asked what kind of Pie I like…. “Only 3 kinds, hot, cold and more.”

Lady just hanging out in her gray coat with Papa in his gray suit on a gray couch....

We had more PIE Party at the Call's the night before Thanksgiving.  It was a good one.  My Banana Cream pie was a winner this year thanks to my friend Carolyn who set me up with a new pastry cream recipe that's no fail and no cook.  It was delicious.    We had many of our YSA's come to the Calls too.  It's always great to be with all of them.  

 Thanksgiving day was at Terry and Cyrrena's.  They graciously hosted 70 of us in their basement for a delicious meal.    All of my people were there except for my Portland boy Truman who was with friends in Seattle enjoying Japanese food. 

 The cooks and kitchen crew included sandy, Cyrrena, Wanee, Holly, Melinda, Jill and Tami.  I really feel so blessed to be a part of this bonus family.  Such good people who are accepting and kind and love me and mine.    Sandy made all of the pies because she too hosts an incredibly large pie party at her home every year.  She said she felt momma Sheri's spirit with her this year as she prepared and partied. 

Alex, Laila, Becca, Addison, Savannah, Abby

 We got a pic of some of the cousins that were at Thanksgiving.  (Some had already left by the time we got this picture)   Standing:   Wanee, Rachel and Tyler Madsen, Brady Bentley, Derrick and Shelbi, Tiffany Reynolds, Lizzy and Andrew, Kylie Madsen, Stockton Welch, Lexi and Monson, Brad bentley with his little red head Jonas.   Floor:  Sara and Blaine Bentley, Nash Madsen, Thomas Bentley on Savannah Bentley's lap, Hailey Welch, Laila, Becca Welch, Abby Welch, Alex Madsen, Mary and Bridger Bentely with Victor in front and Lady crawling.

Our Thanksgiving Tradition for many many years has been a movie that night.  This year we saw Ralph Wrecks the Internet with all the fam.  The kids loved it... I liked it... it was just okay.  It was funny to watch Poppy eat ALL of the popcorn. She is always hungry and loves to eat.  She knows the sign language for food..so she does this a lot.    Feeling Grateful for this awesome crew of mine.

TOFW Centered in Christ

Time out for Women was once again a beautiful event.
This is the second year that I went with Linda Wangsgaard, her daughter Madison, and Lexi.  We traded out Paula Carlsen for Baby Lady but Paula promised she would be back and getting us front row seats next year. There were so many speakers and messages that just spoke to me.   

All I got is this blurry pic...it's from a video of us dancing... but atleast  it shows us all...

 Laura C. Day spoke on having Peace with the unknown.  She told how the Savior knows our secrets.  The stuff we try to hide...he already knows and loves and engages with us anyway.  She spoke on the woman with the issue of blood from Luke 8:48 who moved close to Jesus, close enough to touch his robe and he healed her.   We need to move closer to Jesus.   We need  to rely on what we do know and trust that we are Known and Loved by the creator of all things, and he's got our backs.
 Singer Calee Reed continued with this move close and stay in the storm and Jesus will help and heal theme, when she  spoke about Cows and Buffalos and how they do storms differently.  Cows see a storm coming and turn and try to run away from it, which actually keeps them in the storm longer.  Buffalo just turn their faces to the storm and attack it head on...the storm goes past and leaves their lives quicker.  Which one do you want to be?
Gail Miller gave so many beautiful tidbits about her life and lessons learned.  She shared the not perfectness of her marriage and life in the gospel and how to just keep trying.  The Lord loves try-ers.
Mary Ellen Edmunds spoke about the power of Influence and what is personal influence.   Never underestimate the power of a hello, smile, phone call, text, note.  These little things make a big difference.  think of three significant people who have influenced your life and write a thank you note today.
Mercy River sang gorgeous songs about life and the Savior.  They spoke about angels and according to Elder Holland, how the importance of Angels in our lives grows as we get older.  Angles are the people who we are connected to.  Angles are all near and around us and love us even if we don't feel them.  Trust this is true.  They also shared the feeding of the 5000 with 5 loaves of bread and 10 fishes and if the Lord can do great things with a single loaf, imagine what  HE can do with a single life.
Tom Christofferson spoke on Perfect love in an Imperfect World.   He was my favorite.  he grew up LDs then left the church when he came out.  He said he was done being gay and mormon and left the church to see if he could finally be gay and happy.   He shared How his family adopted the motto of...we may not be the perfect family, but we can be perfect in the love we have for each other and nothing we can do will take us out of the circle of Family love.  This is exactly what I think.  He shared 3 lessons on Charity. 1.  Charity increases our faith but doesn't provide eery answer.  He had so many unanswered questions.   Tom finally arrived at a point in his life where it was more important to know God than to know Why.   2.  Charity provides inspiration  of what can do for others.  Not just check off boxes of what supposed to do.  3.  Charity allows us to be the conduit of Christ's love...even if we have sinned.  Nothing we could successfully hide for God...so be honest about who we are and our imperfections and LOVE anyway.     He counts being Gay as one of the great blessings in his life because  it was the catalyst of his coming to know Christ personally.
At the end of his talk he had the whole group sing my  favorite church  song, my testimony song and my family song...Love One Another.... I wept.
Zandra and Tamu of Sisters in Zion fame... spoke about Ruth and Naomi...and taking others in from different cultures and being kind and steadfast.  'Where thou goest, I will go....."    How women are the heroes of humanity. How it's important to share our stories and be vulnerable and real with each other.   Relationships with other women are important.    How we can't be truly whole or free until all women are whole and free.  AMEN.
Finally, Emily Freeman shared about finding His Grace where you are....  based on the scripture in 2 Nephi 25, "Grace received after all we can do."  She went through that whole chapter and it says "Believe in Christ" 6 other times...that is the what we can do.  We believe in Christ and trust and we will receive Grace.  She taught three things.  1. The Lord will meet you where you are.  2.  The Lord will accept you as you are.  3.  Lord will make up the difference.    Charity is How we manifest what we know about Grace.
  IF everyone is welcome into the Lord's church...which they are...then what do I need to do to make this true.
So much to think about.  So much good inspiration to now put into action.

Little Women

I got to go to lunch with my sisters today, minus Marcie, of course.  It was good.  We are so different with our life situations and jobs and out look on life even, yet we are so much the same in our love for each other and love for our parents and what they taught us.



I saw the new, contemporary  Little Women movie and wept.  I enjoyed the updated take on it and I had all of the feels.   I'm sure some of that was the movie starts with four sisters and one is sick and dies and then there are three.  Just like our situation.

I started thinking about my littlest sister Angela.  She is a worker bee.  She married a divorced man who already had three boys and together they have Preston.   Preston is not easy.  His skin disease- seborrhea- has really affected his perception on life and how others treat him.  It would be hard to shed your skin like a snake every night.   It would be hard for grade school kids to never want to sit by you or hold hands when the direction is to find a partner and hold hands.  This is his reality.  Angela is the perfect mom for him.  She is all about getting external help for him and also about  working on his internal dialogue and view of life.   I'm proud of her jumping in and loving all of these step-sons.  Even when they weren't receptive to it she just kept trying and holding space and feeling love in her heart towards them.  No judgment, just love.   Angela is a good wife for Guy too. She is interested in his hobbies and jumps into the Mustang club and riding motorcycles and camping.  She is his biggest fan.  She lets him be him and she continues to work on herself.

Angela was a drama teacher at BHS for many years.  She was actually one of my students when I was the drama teacher at BHS.  Angela continues to perform in productions at CPT and at Hope Box and she is full of energy on stage.    Angela is now a counselor for two elementary schools and she loves what she does.  She can channel her inner "Mom-Sheri" and help children succeed.

And then there's Elizabeth.  She likes to go by Queenie  or Liz.   Liz was always the cranky-child and angsty-adolescent and  then she turned into a marvelous adult.  When we tell the nieces and nephews about Liz's growing up years, they think we are spewing lies.   Liz is an award winning mortgage loan officer by day and by night she is a loyal wife,  an amazing friend to so many, a gatherer, and an athlete or atleast an athletic supporter of her Alison.  She makes the best donuts on Halloween from momma Sheri's recipe and delicious homemade salsa that she shares with so many.    Liz is as even and steady as they come.   She has figured out how to navigate her life with love and grace.  She cuts people a lot of slack around the "gay issue" and just continues to be her best self.  I don't know if her life has turned out how she thought it would as a child, but it's pretty great.

I'm so grateful to have these two sisters to go to lunch with.  They are my little women.
I know we are better together, and we are more alike than different; and when the  Cole girls  come together we can change the world....or atleast our little corner of it.

And God said no....

And God Said, “No.”

Poem by  Fr. Wade L. J. Menezes

I asked God to take away my pride, and God said, “No.”

He said it was not for Him to take away,

but for me to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole, and God said, “No.”

He said, “Her spirit is whole; her body is only temporary.”

I asked God to grant me patience, and God said, “No.”

He said that patience is a by-product of tribulation; it isn’t granted, it’s earned.

I asked God to give me happiness, and God said, “No.”

He said He gives blessings; happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare my pain, and God said, “No.”

He said, “Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to Me.”

I asked God to make my spirit grow, and God said, “No.”

He said I must grow on my own,

but He will prune me to make me fruitful.

I asked God if He loved me, and God said, “Yes.”

He gave His only Son, Who died for me, and I will be in Heaven some day

because I believe in Him, because I love Him.

So I asked God to help me love others as much as He loves me.

And God said,

“Ah, finally, you have the idea – the right idea!”

Our new Normal

When I meet new people and they learn of my story and find out I have two gay sons, and threw a gay wedding and love on extra grandkids, their minds are reeling, and their questions are plentiful.  Wait...what?  You're active LDS?  How do you navigate it?  Isn't it hard?  What does this all mean?

Well... it means we have a lot to love and yes, we go to the LDS church and serve there, and we navigate it all just fine and it isn't hard at all.  Our family is just like everyone else's family, it just looks a bit different.

I've been thinking back to 12 years ago when Landon came out to 5 years ago when Truman did. We have come a long way baby! 

I have really grown in my education around the LGBTQ community, my tolerance for slow moving church policy and for the human-ness in all of us.

When Landon came out I was still of the philosophy that sexual orientation is a choice.  I now know our sexual orientation is on a sliding scale from Hetero to Homo and we all fall somewhere on it.  We are born with this.  We can work on our thoughts around attraction, and who to love and feelings for people --which start in the mind and then move into vibrations in our body, but sexual sensations start with vibrations in the body and then move to the head.   I know genetics play a big part in this.   There are many gay members of my extended family.    I have grown in my understanding, so when Truman came out, it was a lot easier just to love and not preach.

I have grown in my tolerance, love and acceptance for slow moving church policy.  I know that God works with imperfect people in our world, and it's got to be frustrating at times.   He is not going to take away agency but he will slowly fix things that have been messed up.  ( Blacks and the Priesthood)  The church and it's policies can't change on a dime...it's like turning an ocean liner, with all of it's parts and pieces and outside forces of waves and wind.  God is also a big champion of free agency, which is why we are down on earth in the first place, to use our agency and try to overcome the natural man, and evolve into better beings.

I am getting better at liking all of the humans.  Laila has experienced many kids at BHS that make slurs about gay people.  They are talking about her brothers and aunts, who are normal, kind, loving people who wouldn't hurt or speak ill about others, so it's hard for Laila to wrap her head around this hate talk and she just leaves feeling sad and mad.  I hope she can get to the point where she can stand up and say, "Hey that's my family you are talking about and I love them.  So be nice." 

We are at different levels in our spiritual maturity and in our earthly progress.  We come from varying backgrounds and experiences.  For the most part, people are good and just trying to do what they think is best.  There are just a lot of uneducated people expressing opinions of hate and animosity towards people I love.   I'm learning to be curious about all of this.  So when people speak out against LGBTQ and talk poorly about this marginalized group, I will continue to speak up and add my voice of reason, compassion and support.   I'm not going to add my hate for the hateful.  This just increases the hate in the world.  I'm going to step forward with Love.  Love always wins.

This life, whatever it looks like, is our new normal, and we got here pretty quickly.  I attribute it to good upbringings by our own parents of unconditional love and acceptance.   We don't see anyone as broken in our family.  We don't see anyone that needs fixing.  We don't exclude.  We don't squabble.  We see all of us as brothers and sisters  on our journey together just helping each other get back home.   It's a safe space.

I like to think about the pre-existence some times and imagine the conversations we had there.  I can see me wondering if I will make a good mom and telling my kids that I'm not going to always know what to say, or what to do, and I might fail them, and  then I see Addison, Landon, Truman, Monson and Laila  cheering me on, saying, "Melinda..you got this. You are going to be exactly the mom we need.  You don't have to be perfect, just love us."  And I like to imagine them saying to me that they are going to have struggles and be gay, and they might leave the LDS church, or come to me through adoption with all of its issues and I say to them, "Hey.... we got this.  We are going to be a strong family and support each other no matter what.  It's all going to be amazing in so many ways, and we will all grow from it."  Then I can see us all up in heaven, putting our hands in a circle and giving our family cheer for the first time -"Forever" and really meaning it! 

We continue to put our hands in a circle at the end of  our family prayers and say, "Forever."  I don't know what forever even looks like, but God does and he's more merciful and kind and filled with greater love than we can even fathom.

Joy in the Snow

Winter is coming.  I sit here and enjoy our lovely fall leaves, the crisp air and blue sky  and know that snow is on the way.  But I will choose to find joy in the snow.

I've been learning a lot about mind set and being in charge of our thoughts.  Thoughts cause our feelings, which cause our actions and thus our results.  So if we sit around thinking that winter is horrible, then winter will be horrible.  Our brains love to search for and find evidence for whatever our thoughts are manifesting.   So if we hate winter, if we can't stand the cold, if we just go through the next few months complaining about all of it, then winter will definitely be miserable.

I've spent some past years doing this so I know it's true.

I'm going to get in charge of my thoughts this year and think of positive things around winter instead.

I will remember it has three of my favorite holidays-  Christmas, New Years, Valentines-- in it.  I will focus on all nine of the family birthdays that fill this season.  I will remember when it's cold and blustery outside, that I have a warm, cozy home that I'm so grateful for..... and I have a four wheel drive car to get me through the snow.... and I have a job that works from home..... I don't even have to go out in it if I don't want to.  I will enjoy the white flakes and the beauty of snow hanging on the trees especially when the sun shines on it and it's so sparkly.  I will count my blessings that I'm even alive to witness all of this.  Some people don't  get to live and experience 56 years of winter, but I do.

I love Donald Trump

I love Donald Trump.

He is a child of God just like I am a Child of God and he's doing the best he can.  I'm doing the best I can.  I'm not going to judge him and I'm not going to judge me.

I was generating so much hate towards Donald Trump and I was the only one feeling this hate,  Donald Trump wasn't feeling my hate.  I was only hurting me! 

I'm moving out of my "I hate Donald Trump" where I was living for a year. I'm pretty happy that I can now just look at him as fascinating and human.

I'm sure I'm fascinating and human too.

I want to always say lovely things about other people.  Not give into the drama of talking about others behind their back and move into only saying the things I would say to them in person.

Anyway, I've been working on this and thinking about this with all people in my life.

Grateful for journaling

I am grateful for journaling.

I'm putting a book together for my family, a family history of sorts,  for Christmas.  In getting my thoughts and memories together I'm relieved and so grateful that I write things down.  I' grateful for scrapbooks of my kids lives from birth to now.  I'm grateful for old journals of when Wayne and I were first married.   I haven't always written faithfully, but I have consistently for over 10 years.

When I sit down on Sunday afternoon to write in front of my computer and go over the past week in our family and some of the things that we did and felt, it doesn't seem like much, but as a body of work, it's pretty impressive.  I've been sending out the WELCH WEEK since 2003 when my parents went on the Scotland mission. 

I've also come to see journaling as a way to really get in charge of my thoughts.  Doing a "thought download" is really helpful.  Just the act of physically writing what's in my head and seeing it on paper is so useful.  I can see where I'm in self pity, or having "manuals" for other people and how they should act and what they should do.

When our church is saying...."we should journal,"  I believe, it's both of these ways...the weekly what we did journaling and the daily what's going on in my head journaling.

Trying to get a family history together has been a process. I've found I'm not a beautiful writer- which I've known for awhile- but I am a story teller and a story keeper.

Once people are gone, we remember them through stories and feelings.   The times we experienced with them, or the things we know about them, and how they made us feel.   Stories are powerful.

Grateful for bills

I just love knowing I have bills to pay and paying bills...here's why.....

What I'm paying bills on is all of my things and stuff  that I get to enjoy.
I have a monthly car payment...and I'm in love with my new Honda Pilot...so I'm happy to pay this.
I have a monthly phone payment.  Come on!  What's better than a smart phone?  I love the camera, the family text feed, the Social media access to keep me connected to family and friends.  I love the calculator, the audio Scriptures that I listen to in the morning.  The flashlight.  I am happy to pay for this.
I turn on a tap and I get cold water..or hot water.  It's amazing!  How blessed I am to have this convenience.  I'm happy to pay for this.
I drive on paved streets with few pot holes or problems.  I'm happy to pay for this.
I have a flush toilet... sewer bill?  Yes,please.
I have a monthly house payment and I love my home. It's comfortable and comforting.  It's decorated just how I want it and it provides beautiful shelter and more.  I will pay for this and I'm grateful that I can.

PLUS... what about paying taxes?  I'm happy to do this.   I can't believe how blessed I am to be born in America.  What a privilege and if it comes with a cost so be it.   I am happy to pay it.

and....if I am paying off credit cards, I'm so grateful for the cushion they provided when I needed to use them.  I'm grateful for all of this.....

I want to want what I have..and not get caught up in focusing on what I don't have and want to buy.   That's no way to live.

Living in abundance and gratitude is wonderful!

Kooky Halloween eve

 Laila got up Halloween morn and put on this amazing face then headed off to school....she is really great at make up  and being an officer has helped her get out of our home and socialize and serve.  We always are impressed by this.    Halloween means I get to put on another costume.  I have had 4 this season ...tonight as I was trying to figure out what to wear, I put on one of mom's wigs and immediately knew this was going to be fun.  I got on an old Cole collection costume, and jewelry and big sunglasses...I even found one of her old Mac lipsticks, and I shocked myself when I looked in the mirror.  Sheri was in the HOUSE.... spooky.

 I felt even more like mom as I pulled 100 scones and fed my kids and grandkids, neighbors and about 40 YSA's.  It was crazy busy for a bit, just how it always was at my mom's home when she was making her famous halloween donuts.

 This is Beauty and the Beast.... I got Wayne this Scottish tam and bad teeth and he was willing to put it on for a few pics.  HE's always a good sport.

 Monson was a lumberjack...hence the ax, Tala was a cheerleader, although every time you ask her what she wanted to be for halloween she said a princess.  Lady was in her lady bug costume, and Lexi came as a basic white girl complete with Victoria secret bag, a starbucks cup , hair in a bun and a scarf.  She thought she was being so clever.

 Christian and Joy Farley showed up as baby, mama and daddy Shark.  They entered with a song and choreography.   This is Joy's first time being in an American Halloween and she was determined to go trick or treating.  They went around with Monson and Lexi.

 Addison showed up as the Ghost of David Bowie...and cute Poppy was a one year old ...that's all.  I love that Addison takes after me and just feels the need to dress up for Halloween because why not.

 We got "Grandma Sheri pics " with Adelaide and with Poppy....it's kind of weird to see me as my mom.  I really do miss her so much.  When I was little Mom didn't love Halloween and figuring out costumes for the elementary school's costume parade. ...but when I turned 10 mom decided to shift her thoughts about Halloween and make it a fun filled night with lots of neighbors around and hot home made donuts instead.   It turned into an extravaganza and we all loved it.  Mom is still legendary in that neighborhood and people stop me and recall fondly Sheri's halloween donuts.