"The Hate U Give"

We had our second Anti-racist club night.  Our family watched/read  “The Hate U give” and discussed “the talk”  that Black parents have to teach their children to survive in our world, microaggressions, over-policing, racial profiling, how peaceful protests can turn violent quickly especially with militarized police, and how change can happen when a community works together. 

Here’s what we came up with to work on this month…maybe you could join us.


It would be easy to respond  - “I’m not hurting Black people.  I love everyone.   Why do I need to be involved in this? “

But.. the problem is it’s embedded in our culture. We are all indoctrinated. Our culture continues to devalue Black lives in small and big ways and accept what’s going on as okay and normal.

Some solutions feel so big and out of our hands right now ( like re-structuring the police) so once again we need to look inside and start asking, “In what ways am I part of the problem? What businesses, movies, books, teams, platforms do I support that continue to denigrate BIPOC?”

We need to ask these questions of ourselves and within our sphere of influence and our answers can in small but real ways lead to change. 

(This is also true for Human trafficking.  “In what way am I part of this problem?  How can I help?”)

Everything that changes in the world begins in a person’s mind.  This means that to change YOUR world you have to start with YOUR mind. Change your thought patterns.  Open yourself up.  Get curious.  “Maybe I’m wrong about that?  How can I do better?  That’s interesting that people react that way..I wonder what’s going on there?  Who can I vote for to change policy and laws to help this situation?”

It’s easy to be a performative ally— joining in on Black lives matter when everyone is on the social media bandwagon.   It’s harder when the conversation has died down.    We need to keep at it anyway because it’s so vital for positive change to happen in our country.   We as white people are the only ones who can change this. We are the majority. We are the problem.

Last thought:  Courage is required for advocacy because criticism is guaranteed.

Grace

There I was.  

Trapped under my bike, on top of Wayne, and totally stuck.

Embarrassed. 

How did I get here?

We were just a few months into riding our new road bikes and added attached shoe clips.  We had practiced a bit on a track clipping in and clipping out until we felt sort of comfortable.   We were now on the road trying it out and feeling pretty successful.  We were heading to an intersection on Davis Blvd and Val Verda Road. Wayne comes to a stop, clips out his right foot, and keeps his left foot clipped in, so I follow suit.  I clipped out just my right foot. This is a busy intersection.  There is a car across from us, there is a car behind us and many cars coming up and down the hill. Then, in what feels like slow motion, Wayne (who has balance issues) begins leaning toward his left and falls to the pavement while I yell out..... "Wayne" and reach to my left in an attempt to grab him, which then affects my balance. I fall on top of Wayne and his bike.  Neither of us could scramble out of this predicament because we were both still hooked to our bikes.  Wayne couldn’t release his shoe clip, because I was on top of it.  I couldn’t release my shoe clip...because I just couldn’t.  I couldn’t yank my right heel away from my horizontal bike.  I was stuck.  We were two turtles on our backs. 

Wayne was groaning, I couldn't stop laughing. I also couldn't get my shoe unclipped so we could get up. We were stuck.  We were trapped.   I struggled with my shoe clip over and over again while Wayne got more irritated, and cars just had to go out around us. I wasn't making any type of eye contact with the drivers. They wanted to know if we were okay? I think the laughter let them know we were fine,  just totally embarrassed. Wayne was stuck beneath me.  He couldn’t move until I moved. I kept yanking my foot away from the pedal with no luck.  Wayne suggested I just try and take my whole shoe off keeping it clipped to the bike.  FINALLY!    I was able to get me and my bike off of Wayne and stand up which enabled Wayne to stand up and then move our bikes off to the side of the road. It was an ordeal!

It should be on America's Funniest...but I am glad that no one caught us on tape. We were basically stopped, and then just fell over, just like that, bikes and bodies on top of each other.

Totally stuck.  Embarrassed.  I wanted understanding. I wanted, "Yeah, I've been where you have been..I get it." I wanted compassion. I wanted Grace. I needed Grace. Grace from drivers who were irritated because we were in their way. Grace from passersby who would tell this story around their dinner table about two bikers who couldn’t get up.  Grace from Wayne who displayed great patience with me and gave me the shoe idea to help us get unstuck. Grace for me… no self-criticism, instead talk nice to myself, laugh about it, pour on a ton of compassion over my humanness.  

The dictionary defines Grace as: To be in one’s good graces, to be favored. Courteous goodwill.

A loan that cannot be paid back.

I’m yearning for Grace for myself and for others…. and I have read and listened to so much on this topic.  

The ultimate Brad Wilcox talk… His grace is sufficient 2013-- really opened my eyes to what Grace is.     https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2013/09/his-grace-is-sufficient?lang=eng

Adam Miller’s book … Grace is not God’s back up plan.  It is the plan.  https://www.amazon.com/Grace-Not-Gods-Backup-Plan-ebook/dp/B00U1WBCXQ

Elder Uchtdorf’s  talk on Grace  https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/church/news/dieter-f-uchtdorf-the-gift-of-grace?lang=eng

Uchtdorf, ”Salvation cannot be bought by the currency of obedience...it’s bought by the blood of the son fo God.”

I am so hungry for messages of God's grace. 

I love the song “ Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.”

I can find Grace in our sacrament hymns….. “I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me, confused at the Grace that so fully he proffers me.”   Proffers means comes right up to me and gives it to me… I don’t have to move.  

 The scripture that always tripped me up was 2 Nephi 25:23 “Saved by Grace after all we can do.”   I always read this incorrectly thinking doing was the important part. The first part of scripture gives me hope..the second part feels hard. Sounds like it’s all about works. All about us. Not about Christ.  But the Brad Wilcox grace talk really unpacked this for me.  Now I read it and think..saved by Grace after all is said and done. 

No matter how many times I read the Book of Mormon, guess what?  It’s still Grace that Saves.

Or…......How many times I go to the temple

Or…... How many earrings I wear, or tattoos I don't get

Or……..How many callings I accept…… it’s still Grace that saves. 

So why would I do anything good if I’m just saved by Grace?    If we know we can’t be perfect, then why even try? What’s the point?   Eat drink and be merry right?     And of course, we go there, because that’s where the “scripture math” takes us.     We think if we can control what we do, we control the outcome. “Scripture math” leads us to some idea that we can control GOD.  Like the Pharisees in the New Testament, perfect DOING  hijacked their BEING Christlike. Our perfect doing in the name of saving ourselves hijacks the GRACE narrative.

This fundamental misunderstanding of Grace, ( on my part) kept me from seeking a real relationship with God for a very long time.  I thought if God needed me to be perfect in order for him to love me, and I couldn't be anything other than who I am,  well then how can I ever be loved.  How can I ever know and love God.....I didn't find a lot of hope in any of it. 

Isn’t it wonderful we don’t have to be perfect?

We all sin.  Sin is the boring part of all of this.  There is little innovation in the world of human sin.  Sin is our default setting. There is no growth or change in sin.  We don’t move forward with sin.  We stay stuck in sin.  And there is not a truly original sin.  We are boring in our sins. 

HOWEVER

When we start to change the way we think about sin… if we use it as a vehicle to access grace, then sin propels us forward.  It’s not that we sin that’s important, it’s what we do next with it.  Do we actively seek God’s grace? 

Sin is the necessary fuel for self-improvement and growth...we keep doing dumb stuff, then we keep reaching for Christ.

If we don’t mess up, we don’t need a relationship with Jesus. 

“I got this Jesus... my life is great, I don’t need you.”

So how do I further my relationship with Jesus Christ?  By turning to him, and turning my life over to him. 

Messing up is the vehicle to needing him more….and we are always messing up.  We don’t need to seek out mess-ups, life comes with them. 

Becoming more Christ-like is all about being curious and compassionate with myself when I screw up, having compassion for others as well and getting out of judgment around all of it. 

So why improve?  Why do we want to be better?  

I really like the library and books analogy  Brad Wilcox gives to this earth school of ours.   He talks about our Heavenly Father giving us a huge library filled with books.  This is only a gift if we can read.  The service we give and the work we do towards being more Christ-like and loving in this life is teaching us how to read -- so in the next life, we are ready to receive more, learn and grow in God’s library.  By being obedient in this life we are learning to love what the Lord loves.   

"Heaven will not feel like heaven for those who don't act heavenly." - B. Wilcox

We want to keep the commandments because we love God.  IT’s not transactional -- I do this and God gives me this. It’s Transformational… I do this because I want to be close to God. I want to be able to read so when given access to a library I can use it and be ready and excited for it.

When we buy into Grace it’s liberating.  We realize God isn’t keeping score.  We just need to do simple things.  (Primary answers… called primary answers not because we learn in primary but because these are the basic building blocks of faith that keep us close to God.-- Pray, read, obey)  Simple things like come each week to church and take the sacrament and hear the sacrament prayer… and remember,  be willing and witness.  Simple things like give others a break. Find them fascinating and learning...find myself fascinating and learning as well.

THAT I can do.

The New Testament gives us many  Grace-filled parables: The Parable of Lost Sheep, the Lost Coin, the Prodigal son.   The sheep, the coin, the son do NOTHING to be found-- the action is in the Shepherd, the Seeker, the Father.  THAT’S GRACE.   GOD meets us where we are at.  He too runs for us.  He searches for us. He finds us. He is always willing. We just need to submit.

Neal A Maxwell..  The only real thing we have to offer is our will on the altar for God.   That’s understanding Grace.   “Okay Jesus, Let’s do it your way.”

My brain keeps offering up my old patterns around GRACE--- are you sure you're trying not to just justify your doings or lack of? 

I’m getting better at saying to myself ...that’s what I used to think...now I know more.    

“Be ye therefore perfect….eventually.” - E. Holland.   

“ yay come unto Christ and be perfected in Him.”   

By his Grace you may be perfect in Christ.  

We can’t earn it.   

SO.........What does stepping into GRACE look like?  

Allowing more GRACE for myself---More compassion, more curiosity, more tenderness… talking nice to myself like Jesus would to a child who messes up.  Picking myself back up when I fall which I will do again and again and knowing that Jesus is my guy.  Seeking and listening for personal revelation in all parts of my life.    This I can do.

Grace is not only the missing piece of my puzzlement with GOd... it was the missing PEACE. Now I embrace Grace...which in turn has given me more faith, love and hope.

I stand all amazed at the LOVE Jesus offers me... so grateful for the Grace that He continually proffers to me.

SIDENOTE: Wayne and I have gotten back on our bikes and have mastered our clips and have biked hundreds of miles at this point. We kept at it and kept learning and growing and giving each other grace along the way.

Bear Lake 2020

2020 Tree Picture....missing Bre, Poppy, Truman and Levi

Bear lake at Ideal beach is a sacred place for me. It’s where I feel and remember my parents and Marcie the most. At every turn and by every tree there is a memory and a sweet feeling comes over me. 

I cried a lot this year. Good tears. Cathartic tears. Tears that I seem to have saved up all year.

I look at Marcie’s grandboys and can’t believe she’s not here for them.  I cried looking at Nelson with his fiance Andrea hugging out in the water. Andrea called Nelson, "Honey"-- it was the cutest. I cry because Marcie would be so pleased about this.

This is everyone who came, except the Buzelli's weren't in the picture.. so add 4 more people.  

I look at the clouds and remember my momma always commenting on them just like I do now. I see any old guy on the beach fully clothed with sneakers on and a hat and I think it’s my dad. I sob grateful tears that my parents set up this vacation reunion legacy 48 years ago.

I just love it here and I want all my kids and bonus kids to love it too. I know my grandkids do.  (Sophia and Andrew had a 20 day count down calendar ) 

I can point to the condo of where I had my first kiss. And the condo we loaded 20 people ( so many little bodies) into a 10-bed condo and Wayne and I would sneak out to the parking lot to sleep in our dino van. I remember watching pink cloud sunsets and swinging on the swings singing at the top of our lungs and wicked wind storms turning the lake into a monster. 

This year two quick wind storms kicked up - both at exactly 7:40 pm with wild white caps and unattended canopies being uprooted and blowing across the beach scattering people and landing inside the mini-golf course just inches away from Addison’s face til Monson reached out and stopped the twisted intruder. The wind chased us inside for the night.

 

I recall Addison saving the boat when we forgot to put the boat plug in one year and as the boat was filling up with water, Addison had to dive into the water and screw it in blind, underwater. He could hold his breath the longest so he was our best bet. 

We all remember summer 2007 when our beloved Sharkeys were with us and the 14-year-old girl drowned and we all searched the water frantically to find her and Truman found her, pulled her to the surface and then Landon jumped in the rescue boat and administered CPR  in vain. 

We have had too many communal dinners under the trees to count and so many LeBeaus raspberry shakes. Too many sandy sandwiches on the beach.  So many mini golf games and big rounds of golf and miles biked around the lake. 

We have cried and fought and laughed and lived a lot on this exact beach.

We evolved from laying down blankets on the beach to using chairs and umbrellas to finally setting up 4 large shade canopies staking out our spots. 

We have had dad’s boat, then Guy’s boat and now our boat. We all learned to water ski and wake board and do extreme tubing in this turquoise lake.

We know how to stay all day down at the beach playing in the sand and water, talking, singing, playing games and reading books and magazines and laughing a lot. 

We sleep on too soft beds and too hard beds when our just right beds are back at home all in the name of family time. 

This year we were here over the 24th of July - Pioneer Day was celebrated with a spectacular fireworks display over blue water beach. They had fireworks actually shot into the water that at first glance looked like a mistake but then colorful fireworks burst forth from the waves. It was spectacular. 

We didn’t pool or playground or Pickleville playhouse this year in an effort to avoid crowds and stay safe during this corona time. We cloroxed and sanitized our hands a lot.  We wore our masks to Le beaus and Zipz and ate out under the trees.  

We continue to have the full family 6:00 dinner gathering.  It really is nice not to have to worry about dinner making and cleaning up but one time during the whole week.  Our after-dinner activities included going to Blue Water beach campground, doing a Grandma Butters trivia quiz, making a tik tok video, and playing Wiffle baseball and having snow cones. 

It was a good but different covid summer. So grateful for the hang out time with extended family. When does that ever happen in real life- it takes vacation time to actually sit and relax and share.  So grateful for gorgeous weather and  safe travels.

So grateful for Eric Belnap letting us borrow his brand new truck to pull our boat up to the lake.  He is a solid friend.

We had Wayne and I, Addison and Alfie, Monson, Lexi, Tayla, Lady and Elsie for the whole week… we added Landon, Alex, Andrew, Sophia and friend Paula for 3 nights and Laila, Bre and Poppy for 2 nights.  ( Tru was stuck in Portland with his new puppy)

We will be coming back next year because that’s what we do. 

So grateful for Eric Belnap letting us borrow his brand new truck to  pull our boat up to the lake.  He is a solid friend.

We were missing Liz this year-- she got nervous because of the Covid... so she was represented by a pool noodle.