It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to..

I turned 57 and it was a great day!

I had it all planned since our Bear Lake family vacay is at the end of the month.  I know I get the birthday I want and the Mother's day I want if I take charge of it.  It feels like self care.

I went on a 20-mile early morning bike ride-- I went without Wayne because he was needed in the hospital with one of our beloved YSA's Mackay Wood.  Mackay was going into surgery.   The bike ride was good physically and emotionally.  I cried for a bit of it while I thought of my parents and grandparents and sister and all of my people in heaven I used to spend my birthday with.  Instead of telling myself I shouldn't be crying and this is silly... I just let the tears roll...and it felt great.

Wayne surprised me with gorgeous roses and the required Rhubarb pie for breakfast.  I will take Rhubarb pie over a cake any day!  It's my taste bud thriller!

Next on the list was heading to the Temple to do Initiatories.  I had a fun surprise in the initiatory booth because one of my BFF's Si was working it.  She pronounced the blessings and the teachings and I just saw this as such a tender mercy, my tears came freely and I felt of my Heavenly Father's love.

Si and I headed to SLC for lunch at Gourmandies. I had been dreaming of their steak salad with blueberry compote for weeks.   It was delicious and then we headed to the frame shop to pick up my present to myself... I got the Jesus rainbow print that I got for Mother's day framed.  It looks great and hangs in my new office.

I face-timed, called or texted all of my kids and I just love that these are my people.  I also received so many birthday wishes from friends and extended family with sweet texts and messages on social media.

Wayne and I went to a 4:00 -Toy Story 4 movie  at the megaplex.  It was cute, although I did sleep through ten minutes of it and finally had to go get me a diet coke and popcorn to stay awake, which took another ten minutes...so I missed at least 20 minutes of this movie that would surely have helped with what in the world was going on.  I will have to see it again.

Dinner was at Chile Amor with Eric and Laura Belnap and Wayne.  I love Mexican food and fajitas here are the BEST!  I just love a good chips and salsa place.  I got sung to and got free flan and to wear a gigantic sombrero, who could ask for anything more?

We got home and there were gifts and flowers on my doorstep.  I was feeling the love.
The last thing on my list was to get home for a sunset stroll...which turned into a sunset sit because 30 YSA's showed up at my door to sing happy birthday and gift me with more roses and a sweet card.  I cried again.  We sat on our front lawn and talked til after ten.  The sunset was glorious and a beautiful reminder of God's love for all of us.

Birthdays are happy and sad, filled with people and times of alone-ness, introspective and joyful...really just all of the stuff that makes up a good life. (It's 50/50, just as it should be.)

flowers from Wayne, from Brighton Taylor and from the YSA ward 

YSA Bear Lake Camp

Wow.  We are back from YSA camp and we are exhausted.  Wednesday was spent all day buying food, prepping food, packing and getting ready for camp Thursday thru Saturday.  Thank goodness for the Belnap’s Horse trailer which was loaded down with all of the equipment and food and the best part is the sleeping chamber in the front of it.  We drove up early on Thursday morning with 35 YSA’s to a field in Laketown. That was our campsite. A field with no hot water, running water from a spigot and 3 outhouses.  It felt like Pioneer trek.

We set up our tents and shades in the intense sun...and then loaded up cars for a tour of Minnetonka Cave, in St. Charles, Idaho. We hadn’t been to this cave in decades and it was impressive. It’s an hour and a half tour with 40-degree temps in the cave. So many intact stalactites and stalagmites and really cool open cave rooms. It was good to cool down too. Then we got Bear Lake Pizza on our way back to Lake Town and camp.  We played games, had a campfire devotional and went to bed around 11. It’s great to be with other adults at camp because I don’t have to babysit anyone or get everyone to bed so that I can go to bed. I just go to bed. YAY.   

 Friday was beach day at Rendezvous beach in Laketown all day-- from 9am -8pm.  We had lunch and dinner there and we had 3 boats that were running constantly along with canoes and paddle boards, 2 wave runners.   We had 63 YSA’s with us at this point. We stayed on the beach because it was a gorgeous day and because there were showers and flush toilets there.  So many sunburns… bright red and in pain people..no matter how much you tell them to put sunscreen on again and again...but they are adults and I’m not in charge. 

 Saturday we were down to 45 of us broke camp and drove back up to Idaho to hike into Bloomington Lake which was gorgeous and still had snow around it.  It was freezing cold, glacier-fed and we still had 12 of our YSA’s jump on a tree swing and swing out over the cold lake and drop in.  We all cheered! We ate our lunch and hiked back out and then we all had raspberry shakes at Le Beaus….delicious. dropped into BED!  

What I loved about this camp is how kind everyone is to each other.  How beautifully these YSA’s take care of the special needs kids...even cleaning up throw up  etc...with out getting the bishop involved. I loved how they just make everything work ( no hot water, sunburns, outhouses) with a good attitude and I love how excited they are to try new things- wake surfing, canoeing, food, tree swinging, caving etc...  It was a great camp. 

LIfe is full of extremes

Life is good and hard, complicated and simple, filled with joy and pain and that's just how it should be.  It's called the human experience and it's what we signed up for.

My saint of a mother in law Wanee, had a marvelous and messy June.  Full of contradictions.

Wanee got to go to Finland with granddaughter Kimberly to surprise her daughter Jane for Jane's 60th birthday.  Jane and Steve are on a mission there and they took Wanee all over to see that beautiful country and meet some wonderful people.  She was in heaven.

Wanee flew home from that right into the setting apart of Terry and Cyrrena for their mission to the Philippines. She was so tired from traveling and jet lagged.  But, she got to go into the church office building and meet with Elder Holland and get hugged and blessed and be on a spiritual high.

After, Wanee got to her home and found out there is a big pipe/ plumbing leak from the upstairs bathroom to the downstairs bath that is such a mess.  She was distraught and called for help.

The next day was Holly's joyous production of "Peter Pan" that the special needs kids put on with Friend to Friend.  Wanee loves watching Holly and hanging out with the other Special needs kids moms.

When she got home from the show, she was greeted by 8 policemen and a warrant that allowed them to go in and search her home. What?!?  Dale had applied for a handgun in Wanee's absence and he was denied a gun because of his past history, but evidently, just in the background check on him for it there was a red flag and the police were called in.   Wanee was so shaken up and sad about his.

All of these ups and downs in the space of a few days.  Life is full of extremes some times.

I was telling Wayne that his mom is such a perfect example of the 50/50 principle.  It's easy to see it at work in her world.

When we just ride the tide of emotion and experience it stays 50/50.  We can disagree with it, complain about it or want it different but then we will only be adding more negative emotion to it...so then it moves from 50/50 to only 40% positive and 60% negative...so why complain?  It actually cuts into our positive side.  We need to stop adding negative to our negative.

Life is awesome and difficult, blessed and bruised, wonderful and worldly....just as it should be. I'm grateful for all of it.

Laila and UAM

We are so grateful Laila got to participate in UAM- Utah Ambassadors of Music program and spend 2 1/2 weeks traveling ALL over Europe.  She visited England, France, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Lichtenstein, Austria and got to sing in Cathedrals and historic places through out.  She loved all of it, even the endless bus rides. 

The hills are alive with the Sound of Music.... on top of the Alps.

Let Freedom Ring!

Sophia's glasses say it all...we LOVE SUMMER!  

Independence Day was filled with Biking with my Wayne for 30 miles, a gorgeous morning and early afternoon so we headed to Karen and Brad Butters' pool with extended family.  All was great til about 3:00 then we were chased away from the water by rain.

Uncle Steve visiting with Wayne while Lady sleeps. 

 We all re-gathered at our home for chocolate chip cookie making, game playing and pizza eating prior to going outside, once the rain died down, to participate in the obligatory GUTTER WORKS.

Lady finally kept a bow in her hair today and she was very proud about it.  She didn't take it out even in the swimming pool. 

Poppy and Lady are always hugging each other.  Lady started it and Poppy used to only tolerate it, but now they both love it.

I loved playing with my one-year-olds today...and looking at pictures and singing "Here's a ball for baby" over and over again.  They are sooo fun.

 GUTTER WORKS.  Addison and Bre provided the snakes and pop its and sparklers, glow sticks and finally the Big Berry Extragvaganza for the end.   We had to go in front of the Call home for fireworks, since they are illegal in Bountiful above Davis Blvd and  Gary lives on Davis Blvd...so perfect.  The rain and clouds made for a great sunset as back ground to our "Street of Fire."

I really can't believe we are out of June and onto July already this summer.  June flew by and I'm afraid July will do the same.  So I'm moving out of fear and into Love.  I'm going to LOVE that July will do the same.  It means I have a lot going on and I'm grateful for that.   

Whole Can Woman

I like to fly on airplanes. 

I read a lot and people watch and I’m okay sitting in cramped quarters with not much leg room.

What I don’t like is the ½ can of soda that I get from the flight attendants. I didn’t know there was another way until I flew with Wayne one time and he said very politely, “May I please have the whole can?”  What?  That’s an option?  Nobody gets the whole can, Wayne...You get three splashes in a Dixie cup. That’s how it works. Everybody knows that. But the flight attendant said, “ Sure.”.... and handed Wayne the whole can just like that. 

All these years I had been settling for 1/2 a can.   

Now I ask for a whole can and a cup of water too.  (I’m thirsty.)

What we can learn from this ½  can to the whole can experience?

1. Speak up and ask for what you want in a kind way.  They can either say yes or no.
It’s no reflection on you if it’s a no, and it might be a yes.  

2. Challenge your thoughts.  What are other areas in your life that you just do what
you’ve always done?  How clean does a house really have to be? Do children and
women really have to go first?  What is the importance of sitting down at dinner every
night and can you get the same result a different way?  Can you love yourself to
weight loss? Do the dishes have to be cleaned up right after dinner or can you sit
and talk? Gender roles? How much is too much time on Social media? 
Is TV watching good? Can you get up an hour earlier to make a time for you part of your day? Do you have to do the same things on holidays that you’ve
always done? Why? Is there a better way to get to work?  

3. Allow for Growth.  You can tell whatever story you want about your life, so make it a
good one.  As I live and love through the good, the bad and the ugly years, I’m going to
tell the story where I learn and grow instead of getting stuck and play the victim. 
I can look at my ½ can years with compassion and curiosity and enjoy that I’m a
whole can woman now.