Home Church

 Thoughts on Home Church during the time of Corona

March 16, 2020

How about this hymn choice? The Day Dawn Is Breaking— as we proceeded to sing every verse, we were each struck with the profound message heaven was sending us through that sweet hymn... “worldwide commotion from ocean to ocean” could not better describe these days...and yet the message is that these times are the herald of “the beautiful day”. And “still let us be doing, our lessons reviewing” was the perfect heavenly reminder to continue doing good. I love home centered church. I’m sure we will get better at it as the weeks progress. So many family members who don’t go to church attended this one. Lots of opportunities here to extend God’s love. That is all we really need ❤️

March 22, 2020

Our home church is a come as you are event.  Wayne is in a suit and tie I’m just outta the shower with wet hair, and Laila is in Pj’s from her bed.  As I looked around, I just was reminded how this is exactly how God wants us… as we are, no hiding, no pretense, no pretending we are something we aren’t.  The Lord knows us, he knows our struggles and our pain points, he knows our wants and our needs, he knows are sadness and our joy. He knows and loves us just as we are.  

March 29, 2020

Today was just Wayne and I and the sacrament. We sang I Stand All Amazed.  Then Wayne knelt at our makeshift Sacrament table.   It was pretty special for me to see Wayne kneeling down and blessing the bread and water and then passing it to only me.  The Atonement of Jesus Christ is a one by one, "just for me"experience.  It’s for all of my sorrows and injustices, and sins and neglects and unfairness.  IT’s what pulls me through the downtimes and keeps me going with peace and perspective.    

I don’t want to ever forget this perfect, peaceful picture of my hubby doing what he knows best to do, loving the Lord and obeying his will.

Having the sacrament at home has taken away the theatrical-ness of it, taken away the separateness of it and brought it back to me as a reminder that it’s for me, the Atonement of Jesus Christ is for me the hope and love the gospel gives is for me.  God knows me and cares for me.  

Bible Dictionary under the word “Temple” and it reads, “Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness.”  Today our home feels very sacred as we fast for the whole world in an effort to find a way through this time of Corona. 

Corona Videos

I survived this week by making little musical motif videos. 

I made 5 of them. It started out with Wayne and Laila participating then it was just me….( I needed to come up with a better bribe)


We performed in Don’t cry for me Quarantina-- a spook of Don’t Cry for me Argentina from Evita.

Old-ver- Who will Buy? - spoof of an old person wondering who will buy the tp and the sanitizer- me in a white wig and Laila singing, “Who will buy hand sanitizer?”

A spoof from Urine Town the Musical called   “It’s a privilege- T.P”

And then my brother sent me Covid lyrics to Memory from Cats that I had to do, because I got to dress up like a CAT!

I knocked one more out... because I had the costumes for Mamma Mia-- Quarantine time. I love the purple hair!

It's been silly, and stress relieving and fun....Now what to do next week?

Cousin trip to St. George. Club62!

Just returned from my second annual Club62 cousin trip with Krystin Morley and Cindy Sweeten.
It was wonderful going down to St.George and staying in Krystin’s condo and relaxing, going to see 2 movies: "Emma" and "I still Believe", eating out, sleeping in, hot tubing, making Corona Virus videos, doing pedicures at a Karaoke Pedicure place...just us three and 4 staff singing and having a blast!, 

Hot tubing every night!

We had to buy our Corona Supplies...everyone else was in line for TP and Water bottles and Sterilized wipes... we went for Diet Coke and Chocolate

 We didn’t have a care in the world while the rest of the world was in line at Costco.

We tried  to trick our families into thinking we went on a really strenuous hike, but really it was just to a man made roundabout that we took strategic photos of  while we climbed on it.  We put so much effort into making this look like a real hike that we might as well have gone on a real hike but Krystin DOESN'T hike...so this is what we did instead.   We laughed a LOT!

And seeing Air Supply at Tuacahn. We danced and sang our guts out to “I’m all out of love I’m so lost without you, I can’t live if living is without you, Even the nights are better, and You’re every woman in the world to me”...just to name a few. Three words: So. Much. Fun.

Senate Dance as Cowboys

 Laila's Senate dance was wild west themed. Her group showed up as cowboys, bison and Laila nd her date, Cole Steenblick were Woody and Jesse from Toy Story.

 They had a fun dance, except for the art where they took pics at a real corral with real horses and Laila is really allergic to horses and she had a huge  teary, stuffy, can't breathe reaction to it all. 

LGBTQ changes and not

LGBTQ thoughts after BYU honor code and Church policy’s are changed, then changed back…


Only 4.5 % of our entire United States population is LGBTQ. Add allies, family and friends to this number and at most you’ll get 20%. So a good 80% of the people in our world don’t have “skin in the game.” They don’t live in this marginalized space and they aren’t hurt by every homophobic cut or overjoyed when basic human rights are granted by the government. My day is in turmoil when BYU changes its honor code. Many others wonder what all the hubbub is about and are pleased when things just stay the status quo. They are more righteous because they were born heterosexual They don’t want to see same-sex couples on tv holding hands or watch an LGBTQ character in a Disney movie or see a gay man run for President of the US. I LOVE when I see these things because it shows my LGBTQ children, my LGBTQ relatives and friends that there IS a place for them in this world. That there is nothing wrong with them that needs to be fixed. That God doesn’t make mistakes.


The 80% are pleased when we in the LGBTQ world don’t rock the boat.. In my world I want to rock the boat, sink it and get a new more loving boat in its place. They don’t “get” me or mine because they don’t have to. They are safe in their little heterosexual world of righteous superiority. 

 
My friend wrote:   "Our Heavenly Parents seem intent on sending to us their beloved LGBTQ children. That is significant. So our solution cannot be to ignore, silence, expel, or marginalize LGBTQ people without that being our own condemnation. We have to find a way to find unity and atonement or continue to close ourselves off from what we can learn from our Heavenly Parents and Their beloved LGBTQ children."

I feel like a pioneer in the LDS LGBTQ church space and dialogue. In the scriptures we read…..“A bible a bible we need no other bible.” This is a crazy belief that makes no sense, like the heavens are closed...we use it to say, oh yeah, what about the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine of Covenants and Pearl of Great Price? We know from the scriptures this attitude and belief is wrong. What about….. “A family proclamation, we need no other proclamation.” You get where I’m going with this? We are wanting and know our church is one of continuous revelation. There will be more revelation around family and how LGBTQ all fits together. I know this is true. The Family Proclamation is a pattern for the 96% of heterosexual people in the church. In the meantime for my LGBTQ family, I’m comforted with this part on the Proclamation…. “or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.“ My LGBTQ people are experiencing other circumstances and we need to love and support them.



I read and understand the Proclamation of the Family, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s the only one there will ever be. There will be another proclamation of the family written when the powers that be in my church want to know more. When we know better we do better. I’m waiting for this. I know the Lord is still capable of revealing great and marvelous things regarding the restoration of His kingdom.



AND I continue to have many questions…..


Why are so many senior church leaders afraid of same-sex relationships that don’t break the law of chastity?



- Why are so many of my fellow church members so afraid of the same thing?



- Why are so many members of my church similarly still so afraid of monogamous, happily-married, same-sex couples? Afraid of my Landon’s marriage? How is this a threat to their family? Or to their marriage?



- Will the younger generation of church members who see no evil or wrongdoing in a loving same-sex relationship continue to put up with church actions that are so patently unfair?



- How long can LGBTQ church members and their families who are trying to stay connected to the church endure this kind of treatment before finally leaving?



The church policies around LGBTQ issues are all based on fear. What I read and hear is ... “We are commanded to love everyone..except you..you need to change and fit in this hetero- box for us to fully love you. We say we love you but really we don’t understand how you fit into the plan of salvation...so change... or b-bye.“


Revelation works through free agency. It doesn't take the place of. God is not sitting in the councils of my church telling the brethren exactly what to say and do. That would take their free agency away. They are seeking revelation for what concerns them and the main body of the church. Then this revelation is filtered through a flawed human, filtered through this person’s biases and beliefs, traditions and experiences. This is all who God has to work with. This is how revelation works for me and it’s true for the prophet and apostles through all dispensations of time..


No wonder it took my beloved church over 100 years to finally get it right - that all men should be given the priesthood, no matter their color. I’m sure God was shaking his head over this one, waiting for a quorum to be unbiased enough to finally be able to receive His word and make the change.




I believe LGBTQ issues will be passed through this same channel of revelation. God is waiting for flawed humans to be unbiased enough to finally receive his revelations on how ALL of God's children fit into the plan of salvation. While I wait for the whole church to turn the ship around, I have my own personal revelation to count on which is…. Love wins. Living and serving in the margins is what Christ would do. I believe in a God who knows all and makes NO mistakes including the sexuality of my children and my sister. The only mistake here is our prejudiced attitudes and cultural and religious biases.



LGBTQ people are not here for us to change them, they are here to change us. To give us opportunities to love and serve those who are different from us. To give us opportunities to question our own personal biases and to seek personal revelation on how to respond with love and how to become more Christlike in our interactions.



We say we are good ministers, but only for the obvious..the birth of a baby, a surgery, a death…these are easy. Drop off some food, help around the house, check in on periodically, pray for…..but the “taboo” topics are hushed up and we don’t know how to minister to those who are in true spiritual pain, how to sit in this space if we don’t have contacts within the LGBTQ community. So many saints just don’t relate. Our LGBTQ experiences are not universal. What could be seen as universal is being outcast and marginalized and thought less of… well, I guess our church leaders as White hetero men don’t know what this feels like either….. Change is slow but it will come.


When Moses brought the Israelites through the Red sea in search of the promised land, they had to wander in the wilderness for 40 years waiting for the “traditions of the Egyptians” to die out.
I wonder about the “traditions of our fathers” concerning not loving or fully accepting LGBTQ into our church. I wonder if these traditions need to die off so we can enter the promised land of increased Christ-like love and understanding for ALL of God’s children and not just those who happened to be born heterosexual.



I’m glad my kids and sister are out of this homophobic church of mine, I’m also glad I’m still in it. We need someone to have difficult conversations, to educate, to help with the compassion and understanding of a marginalized group. To be the catalyst for increased answers, revelation, and change. My job is to speak out with love and curiosity, to help educate the 80% and to do this again the next day and the next. I don’t want to speak out in anger and be hateful and add more hate and anger to this world around the homophobic dialogue. I want to address the haters with love. I’m up for this and I look forward to a time when my family members might be able to jump back into my beloved church.


I can hold two things in paradox. I can hold two opposing views and not find this difficult. I call it living in the gray. There is so much I have a testimony of and there is so much I question. I’m okay with all of that.


Anyway as you can tell my thoughts are spinning….

Jumping into LGBTQ space

As a Life Coach I'm feeling the pull to create a program for parents of LGBTQ who are struggling. I have navigated these waters for over a decade now and I feel I have so much to offer.

This is my mission statement:

I help parents of LGBTQ kids find their emotional and spiritual balance as they navigate their new family dynamic.


Do you want to…..
Gain perspective
Feel peace
Find joy
Learn to Love your new family dynamic

…..Then you are in the right place.


Here are the Pain points I believe Parents go through:
It’s not fair
I’m so mad
I don’t believe it
It’s just a phase. My child is confused.
My child came out of a closet and now I just want to hide in one.
If I ignore it , I won’t have to deal with it
I can’t talk about it --I’m embarrassed
What did I do- we’ve done everything right...why being punished?
It’s all my fault
I can fix this
I’m afraid for my child’s future.-- how will be treated, what this means
Knocked off balance
Why is this happening to our family?
I am confused
How does this fit with the gospel plan?
How can I have an eternal family now?


Here is what I want to teach :
Stages of grief- shock,denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, acceptance --
INdulgent emotions-- anxiety, worry, stress, confusion.
Unconditional love
Lovability
How Love works
Feelings
The model, How Brain works, negative bias
Worst case scenario - past and future thinking
Wanting but not needing - emotional childhood and emotional adulthood
Boundaries, Adults get to be and do. If under 18 Kids…. Our job is to love , keep safe, educate.
50/50, "people are so mean, how protect? I just want my kid to be happy and I just want to be happy again" are poisonous thoughts.
Believing new thoughts- the process….bridge thoughts
Tell a different story
Ask better questions. Not why or when. But How can I help.
What other people think is none of my business. My business, other people’s business, god’s business
Allow people to be wrong about you and your kid -- so what?
Religion worries… proclamation idea, unanswered questions at box at Christ’s feet,


I got to the point I'm at after years of reading and talking and processing and failing and trying again, praying and accepting paradox. I would like to speed this "struggle and relief " time up for parents. Get them to emotional and spiritual balance in 6 months instead of 6 years. I know my life coach tools totally help in this department. I can really help people look at their thoughts and work on moving to new, more loving thoughts.


Now I just need to meet more people in this space and for this reason I have jumped back into Facebook groups and LGBTQ conferences.