Laila's last Day of Jr. Year

She did it!  Laila made it through her Junior year with good grades, new officer friends, and new tech video skills.  SHe had to go to Bountiful High School's graduation up at Weber State with other jr. officers to see how to run the show next year when it's their turn.   I asked for an end of year pic and this is what I got.  Laila with officer friend and early morning baptism at the Temple buddy, Ammon Clark.   She's such a goof.

I got to take Landon out to see School of Rock when it came through town.  I took him out as thanks for helping me get my Life Coach website put together and launched.  

Landon is finishing up his hair school in a month...and he can't wait!

Monson and Lexi came up for a wedding for one of Monson's life time buddies- Johnny Maxwell. It was great to see every one of Monson's high school friends all married and succeeding and having babies.   

Be fun

Laila just left for an end of school party.  She's full of angst about who will be there?  Will anyone talk to her?  Will it be boring?   As she left I said..."Be fun!"   I used to say have fun, but no more.

 Summer holidays are coming up!
TIP: Instead of trying to “have” fun,  let's focus on “being” fun.

I am going to go to a party and be fun.   That's different than having fun or being the fun for everyone else.  This thought is for me and what I bring to the moment.  Everyone else has their own thoughts and feelings and if they want to be unhappy or bored or anxious that's their deal, I can still be fun if those are my thoughts.

I am going to make Father's day, 4th of July and Pioneer Day and my birthday the most fun I have ever been.

I am going to be fun when I hang out with my kids and grands.  Fun when I interact with my friends and relatives.

I'm not going to let the circumstance or lack of plans dictate my mood.  I'm going to be fun whether I'm sitting at home or hiking a mountain or seeing a movie or sitting in a pool, or having a cookout, or biking.  All of these situations are neutral and I decide what thought and feeling I want to wrap around it.

Let's take responsibility for what we bring to each moment.
Be the fun you have. 
No one's in charge of that but you.

Move towards PAIN

Wesley from The Princess Bride said, “Life is pain, Highness! Anyone who says otherwise is selling you something “

I love this old movie with the beautiful Buttercup, the famous line "You killed my father prepare to die!"The ROUS's-the rats of unusual size, the "Thuthilian", the "half dead" and the "Mawage" ceremony at the end.  SO fun. 

But this Wesley quote is only 50% true.  Life is pain and suffering and it's also glorious and loving.  And that's how it's supposed to be. 

I was having a discussion with my friend who was in struggle mode about how to help her YSA son.  He's not doing well in school and he has no money and he can't find a job etc.... she was trying to decide to let him figure it out, or to rescue him.   This is when the Wesley quote came to mind.   

We don't like being in pain and we especially don't like watching our children be in pain.  Why?  Because we don't like the painful struggle feeling so we don't want our children to feel it either.
We are afraid of pain.   We run from it and run towards the easy way out.  The proverbial "easy button" that we all wish was real.   But we were made for pain.   This journey of life is to feel all the feelings not to use the easy button way out.  

We think our job description as parents is to point our children away from the struggle, to protect them, to fix things for them.  But that’s incorrect. Our job as parents is not to protect our children from pain but to point them into pain and tell them that they can do it!  That they’re up for it!  To be their cheerleader and shoulder to cry on, not their rescuer.    Our job is to be there for them while they go through it and encourage them and remind them how beautiful the learning after the struggle can be.   To tell them that life is awesome and sometimes painful and they will come out the other side of their struggle more resilient.

 What about when a friend goes through a job loss, death of a spouse, defiant child?   How do we help? The best job description I've seen of a friend is to just to be there and that’s it.  It’s to witness the joy and the pain. To remind them that grief is awesome and beautiful and holy because it means you loved so deeply that you get to grieve that person. That heartbreak and loss is not something to be avoided  - it’s part of a refining process.   

 Author Glennon Doyle writes, "Your pain is your professor.  There is no resurrection except after the crucifixion." 

I know there are two parts of my Brain-  The lower brain is saying look this is wrong, everything’s wrong, there’s something wrong with me, there's something wrong with my child and the upper brain.-the awareness brain- needs to be able to swoop in and say, “Yeah you know what, there could be something wrong, but we’re all going to be OK. Life is 50-50.”

Step back and look at your life and your children's lives with curiosity and compassion. 

Pain--we can do it! 

Memorial Weekend 2019

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!

Memorial Sunday was perfect. So much family and so many memories.
FIVE things:
1. Why did the Lakeview cemetery build on a hillside? So not conducive to putting chairs up and sitting and visiting. Adam went toppling this year. It’s always someone. Lady could barely walk around because of the slope.   Blankets on the ground from now on.  We did get one squinty pic of Monson and his girls.   Farmington is much better.
2. I love bagpipes at a cemetery. The mourning sound of the pipes just fits.  Thank you Lakeview cemetery for that!
3. It’s a beautiful thing to love our people so much that we grieve and miss them when they are gone. And I am missing my people.  Mom, Dad, Marcie, Grandma Butters, Grandpa Butters....so many good times and warm feelings surrounding all of them.  

 4. It seems fitting having Papa Wayne do “My old buggy “ with Lady while sitting around Tom’s gravesite because he’s the one who taught all of us this bouncing song with and our kids and now the grandkids beg for it. 

5. Creamies and Cemeteries just go together, it’s our tradition. We gather in a big circle, share a few stories about Tom and then sing Love One Another and pass out creamies.   Speaking of Tradition—Holly dressed for the occasion looking like a Fiddler on the Roof character.  

Holly was blocking the wind with her scarf...but I kept wanting to sing, "Matchmaker, Matchmaker " from Fiddler.  

Tayla taking selfies...

Wayne telling the obligatory story of Grandpa Welch swatting Addison's pet grasshopper that he had on a string.

3 of the 5 Welch Boys

"My Old Buggy doesn't have a hole in it....whoopsie boom"

My oldest and Youngest...and all of the relatives gathered in a circle to remember and visit.

Bro in Law Clark Bentley always puts up info on different people buried in the Farmington Cemetery.  It's a beautiful service.

Drop the Worry

I'm trying to remember the last time I worried about something.
It was probably about Laila in Jr. High with all of her teenage angst and going against family rules and stopping church attendance. These were worries for me. I worried about what her future would look like? How would she turn out? Depression and suicide? What's going to happen with our relationship? Is she was going to graduate from school? All future based worries that I had no answer to and spent so much emotional energy on.
WHY?
I started telling myself I'm not a worrier. I turned so much over to God and just put my faith and trust in Him and I thought on purpose, "Everything will be okay."

Worry feels like it’s useful, but it never is.    When worry continues to roll through your mind, then overwhelm and stress love to show up which all together can snowball into anxiety which has physical manifestations of increased heart rate, sweating, difficulty breathing and our fight or flight kicks in.   So it’s a good idea to nip worry in the bud.

When you see/feel/sense yourself worrying recognize it, change your thought to “It’s possible that one day I won’t worry” and try one of these six steps.

Drop the worry -  

1.  Feel it, lean into it.  “Hello worry.” Name it, where does it sit in the body.  If it were a color what color would worry be? How would you describe this feeling to an alien?   (This is good because then the worry is processed and it moves through you and you can get back to sleep.)

2.  Come back to the present...use all your senses.  What are you seeing now? What are you hearing now?  What are you smelling now? What are you tasting now?  Get a drink of water. What are you touching now? Think “ I’m  OKAY now. My family is okay right now.“ (Worry is future focused on something that you don’t even know is really going to happen- so this reins it in and gets you back to the present and you can sleep.)

3.  "Phone a friend"-- say it out loud to a rational- non-worried person.  Don’t stay in darkness, shame, and secrecy about it. Empathy is a good cure for most things.

4.  Become aware of what you’re thinking.  Start watching your thoughts, be the observer.  You are not your thoughts, you are the thinker of your thoughts. Just surrender and be curious. Thoughts are just sentences in your head.  "Get in the back seat worry, I’m the driver.” Answer worry thoughts with-- Maybe or Okay or so what? We don't know the future and trust that it will all work out.

5.  Give yourself a Worry protocol-- every Friday at 3 we can worry for an hour.  Teach your brain who’s the boss. When worry comes up, remind yourself that we only do that Friday at 3:00 and save it till then.

6.  Manage the story you tell about yourself.  Stop calling yourself a worrier. Your brain will come up with all sorts of evidence to make that true.    A better story would be “I don’t worry.” Eventually, your brain will start believing this and will find evidence that this is true.

We got a DOG on Laila Day

We got a dog.   (eye roll)
After a year and a half of protesting and stating WE WILL NEVER HAVE A DOG AGAIN.
We got a dog.

In the past 6 months Laila has been relentless about her need for a dog and how she will do everything for it, and she's an only child, and she doesn't have friends, and she needs something to love unconditionally who will love her back unconditionally, how she is lonely and it will be so good for her, how a dog is good for depression and a big dog isn't neurotic like our last one, and on and on....  She would send me pics on the weekly of cute dogs.

I was worn down.  I was weak.  I gave in.

So I said maybe we can get a dog if  it's older and already trained.  It has to be an allergy free dog which makes the breeds available a lot narrower.  Something with a poodle in it would help.  Wayne got on the scent and was searching KSL and other avenues.   I was biding my time, saying "No, not that one" a lot to all of the dog suggestions, thinking maybe we would never find one.

I was wrong.

On Laila day (May 15) after Wayne got home from work, we were just going to look at a couple of dogs and we will see.  Well the we will see turned into bringing home a 10 week old, non trained puppy.  It's a black mini labradoodle (F1)  and Laila's in heaven and I'm trying not to be in hell.

Laila named the puppy Jet  (with one T although Landon suggested two T's so it would be extra)
...........and we are in puppy land......again.

Up at night like we have a baby.  Taking the dog outside to potty train at all hours and in all weather conditions.  (thank you Utah for having an entire week of rain in your forecast)  Chewing on everything. Jumping over the fencing that we thought for sure would at least corral the puppy for a few months... 3 hours that's how long he was corralled.   And more chewing.

We still need to get crates and all of the puppy paraphernalia that goes with owning a DOG.

I'm trying not to be involved  in all of this and at least keep my foot down for a bit to show my displeasure at being a dog owner again.  I'm for sure NOT getting up at night with this pup.  Wayne and Laila are taking turns.  Good thing Laila has Wayne on her side.  They are going to train Jet together  and promise me the end result will be an awesome dog.

So to celebrate Laila's adoption day we adopted a puppy.  Pray for us.

Right or Happy?

Sometimes we argue for our story.

 Our story that is causing us so much pain.

We argue for it because of how our brains are designed to want to be right.

 It's amazing.

We argue:  I had a hard childhood.  My father shamed me over my weight.  My weight is all tied up to my self worth.  Things never work out for me.

We argue:  I have no friends.   Nobody likes me.

We argue:  I can never lose weight.  I am a worrier.  My children don't want to be around me.

What is your brain arguing for?

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Choose thoughts that serve you.

I learned a lot in my childhood.  I'm a survivor.  I'm not a victim.  I don't have to make my childhood define me. I can choose to think about it however I want.   My weight is just a number indicating gravitational pull on my body.  I am of infinite worth and completely lovable.  I am worthy.  Things always work out for me.  

I have friends.  I will have more friends.  I am friendly.  I like people and people like me.   I like me.  I'm 100% lovable.  Life is good.   

It's possible I can lose weight.  Weight doesn't define me.  

I don't worry.  Worry does no good.  I will use my energy other places.  I will trust.  I know things will work out.  Life is 50-50 and that's how it's supposed to be.

My children are on their own journey.  I can love my children without having them near me.   I am awesome.  My children are awesome.  

Mother's Day 2019

I love Mother’s Day.

I can choose to think about it however I want and I choose to think it’s awesome.

I love taking the time to think about each of my kids and what they mean to me.

I love thinking about my own mom and Wayne’s mom and their beautiful influence.

I love thinking about other amazing moms in my friend groups and siblings.  

I love gathering with those who can.

I love going to church and feeling the spirit. I love buying my own present- I get just what I want.

It feels like a day of Spring Thanksgiving.  Mother’s Day is not about celebrating a perfect parent. It’s about honoring human parents. Life is 50/50 and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Some days, weeks and moments are great and some aren’t and that’s okay—That’s called earth life with opposition in all things. Right? Hey peeps…...It’s Mother’s Day. Not martyrs day. So don’t set unrealistic expectations and expect others to read your minds. Just manage your mind and make it what you want.

I’m remembering of a few things I learned from my mom today-- She taught me how to sing the alto line, to sit down and share with people, to get dressed and do your hair and makeup every day, to pull the perfect scone, always have ice for your water and to follow your passions.

My grandma Butters taught me to make ginger cream cookies, that good shoes were worth the money, the qualities of an awesome purse and always stick your finger in the gravy to make it taste better.   

We are gathered with all those who lived close by and had a cook out in our back yard-- kind of like Father’s day --because  the weather is perfect for it. I had my obligatory pic with each person. My family teases me but I always tell them they will be happy to have this pic when I'm dead.

I made Ginger cream cookies with Laila to honor Grandma Butters, and hopefully teach Laila a little more about the cookie making and her namesake.  It was fin to work and share memories.

This year I got a beautiful JKRichards print of the Savior wearing a rainbow robe gathering everyone in His arms. And Of course I love the roses Wayne gets me

Truman called and we had a love fest. He's so great and really making his life work in Portland.  He loves his new place and living on his own and his work scheduled changed and got him off of weekends so his dating world has opened up!  

Spring Thanksgiving

Mother's Day is a day of Thanksgiving in the Spring.  

Think about it.  

These holidays are about 6 months apart and really are both days about counting our blessings, joining with family and having food.  

And.....blessings can be counted whether you have a great mom or a just okay mom; whether you are a great mom or a just okay mom;  or you know great moms or just okay moms....it all counts.  

Because......

.....we are all just human having human experiences and being human mothers.

Many people have issues with Mother's day.

I generally feel that Mother's day is not about me.  It's about my mom, my grandma, my mom in law, and other mother's in my life that I get to love on that day.  I can have loving thoughts, give gratitude, send a text, a card, a phone call.  It's all beautiful.  I can pause and reflect on how amazing of a mom I had and what a gift she was to me.  I can think on Wanee and what a beautiful, giving spirit she is.  

It's also about my kids getting to experience what I'm describing.  They get to feel what it feels like to appreciate someone.  I want that for them, because of the experience that I know that is. It feels good and it feels like love-- whether that looks like a hug, a card, a phone call, a gift, getting together.... it doesn't matter.  

What matters is taking the moment to feel love. 

I get to feel what I want to feel about me because of my thoughts, not because of what my family members do or don't do for me.    

Make mothers day about love and gratitude.  

Then you can't lose. 

 I just came across these two pics of wonderful moms-- My Spiffy Grandma Butters at the parade celebrating her as Bountiful's Mother of the Year in 2002......and my mom holding Laila this same year-- sitting in the gazebo with Paisley Callister ( Laila's God mother) and her baby boy Ty.

Teachable moments

I was playing hide and seek with Alfie.  He would hide in really easy places and I would do my best NOT to see him, and then eventually find him.
"Is he under the table?"
"NO."
"Is he under the blanket?"
"There he is." 
You know the routine.
When it was my turn to hide I wasn't so obvious but usually in a room behind a door.  He searched and searched and was so pleased with himself when he found me.  He would laugh and then say, "Let's go again."
One time Alfie hid and I really couldn't find him.  He was being silent and tricky.  I searched all upstairs  in the bedrooms and closets.  I looked in the bathrooms and bathtubs.  I searched the kitchen nooks and hiding spots and even the basement's toy and furnace areas.  I peaked into Addison's office.
No Alfie.
I searched all over again.
I said, "I can't find you ... give me a clue."
No answer.  I started to worry.  I searched again, even looking outside-- maybe he sneaked out and I didn't see him.
I asked again, "Alf please call out and give grandma a clue. I really can't find you."   More silence.
I looked one more time everywhere and  in Addison's office there he was, quiet as a mouse under the desk.
I was relieved.
It had been such a long search he was relieved too.

We talked about how horrible I felt when I couldn't find him and how happy I was when I did.  We talked about not losing each other and how important family is.  We gave each other hugs and smiles and then made pizza roll ups.

I have so much I want to teach my kids and grand kids but like most things, the best way to teach our kids is to find those teachable moments.

My niche

As a Life Coach I want to help women over 50 get rid of their worry and overwhelm once and for ALL! 

At this point our lives could be simpler but .... we worry about our children, grandchildren, in-laws, loved ones leaving our religion, weight, finances, mental and physical health, being a burden, our spouse or lack of spouse.
We are overwhelmed about how to help our young marrieds and our aging parents all at the same time.  We are overwhelmed about work, money and what to do about retirement.  Overwhelmed with church callings and answering the question, "Are we going on a mission?"  Overwhelmed about the aging process and all of our aches and pains.  Overwhelmed with technology and keeping up.

There can be a lot of worry and overwhelm at this stage of life.

There can be a lot of freedom, growth and love at this stage of life too.

It's all in how we manage our thoughts.

Thoughts on cops

Wayne got pulled over today.
He couldn't figure out why?
He wasn't speeding... He was buckled up...
BUT
His registration had expired and the little sticker on his license plate tipped the cop off.
It expired the end of December.  4 months ago!!
He didn't even notice.
I didn't even notice.
The cop noticed.

The cop threatened to impound the car and gave Wayne a ticket and a summons to appear in court about this matter.

We weren't trying to get away with anything.  We just forgot to register our car.  The registration never showed up-- probably lost in the great mail forwarding debacle when Monson and Lexi moved out the fall of 2018. 
 Life gets busy.

Wayne was embarrassed.  Then he was mad at the cop for her attitude and tone.  Then he thought, "Oh, well.  Stuff happens. This is no big deal. I'm going to have a great day."

And he did.

He managed his thoughts and his day got significantly better.

Life can be so good.