26 Days of Gratitude pt. 2.

#16. There are many Holiday traditions I am grateful for— fam Costume party, Pie party, Thanksgiving movie, Gratitude circle, Lights on party, Christmas fancy dinner,  Christmas Eve- Around the world, Caroling, New Years Seafood brunch …and the goal for all of these events is good family togetherness… and making memories.  Yes, traditions take work.  Yes not everyone is “on board”.  We carry on anyway.   Traditions are important and it’s good to keep that in mind when you’re doing all of the things.

#17.  I’m grateful for my Utahonline teacher job.   It’s been a blessing to me and for me.  I love my commute… which is basically my bedroom to my family room. I love the teachers and admin. I work with; they are so willing to help and want everyone to succeed.  I love the parents and students I come in contact with; they are trying their best to make a new education model work for their families.  Becoming a teacher so many decades ago has really served my life. 

#18. What trait most grateful for? Non- judgmental. I work on coming from a place of curiosity and compassion for all. Even for Donald Trump. 

#19. I’m grateful for good, inspiring teachers.  The reason I went into teaching is because I had teachers who I wanted to emulate- Bryan Bowles and Kim Burningham to name a few.

My grade school teachers were all good but Mrs. Bosch, and Mrs. Lindsey I especially loved.

When I entered Millcreek Jr. High my eyes were opened to real, invested teaching.  It was a Robin Williams standing on the desk experience when I walked into Marg Daniels’ classroom.  She started each day with us standing and shouting an affirmation until she believed it… “I feel happy. I feel healthy.  I feel enthusiastic.”  I still remember the frenzy of 8th graders.   I had Mrs. Daniels for two different classes.  Spanish and Speech/Drama.  She made learning fun and doable.  I felt seen as a person not just another student.  ( I even served as a helper to clear tables at her wedding reception along with another handful of girls.)  

When she announced a Mexico trip for Spanish students at the end of our 9th-grade year I was all in.  I knew we couldn’t afford it, so I went door to door selling cards, I babysat, and I taught beginning dance classes and cleaned offices.  I was making the money to go on this trip.

It was life-changing.  I went with my besties- Kaye Cushing, Malinda Bean.  It’s where I saw my friend Malinda stand up and share her testimony of Jesus in a Catholic monastery in Mexico City.  It’s where I saw real poverty for the first time.  It’s where I felt my first taste of independence and deciding who I was going to be when not under the watchful eye of my parents.  I only went on this trip because Mrs. Daniels was in charge and I wanted to be around her.  I also became a teacher because of her influence.  

#20. I’m grateful for a Prophet who leads and guides my church.  Pres. Nelson is the man for this time.  I can’t imagine being in charge of a 16 million-strong- worldwide church organization but he does it with a calm and steady, loving influence.   His message today was on the power of prayer and gratitude.  Human brains are designed to look for what’s wrong- to keep us safe - and we can always find it. It’s easy to find something to be irritated, disappointed, or worried about and to focus our energy there.  But why?  What good will that do?  Our work is to stay in gratitude and have compassion and curiosity about others, our world, and ourselves.    I’m so thankful for a prophet who prays for me, for my family and yours, for our communities, for our nation, and for the world!

#21.   I’m grateful I learned this Ralph Waldo Emerson quote was a sophomore in Bryan Bowles’ Speech Class — It has stayed with me my entire life. I think about it and repeat it often.   “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”   Enthusiasm stems from the Greek word that means “being one with God.”   I believe the happiest, most interesting people are those who have found the secret to maintaining their enthusiasm about life and love by staying close to God.  

#22… My 5 senses that keep me in the present.  They help me to cherish moments by stopping,  to pause and appreciate them.  

I ask:  What do I see right now?  What do I hear right now?  What do I touch right now?  What do I smell right now?  What can I taste right now?  

#23. I’m thankful for Thanksgiving memories. My mom always set up her mom’s Thanksgiving tablescape the night before Thanksgiving. Growing up I got to be part of this setup at my Grandma Butters’ home and then we got to eat a piece or two of pumpkin pie as the reward. Grandpa Butters always said pie tasted better on an empty stomach.  He was right.   This night before pie-eating tradition morphed into an actual pie party in 1976  with my mom making too many apple, berry, peach, mincemeat, banana cream, coconut cream, cherry, and my favorite - pumpkin pies and inviting EVERYONE to come eat and celebrate.   This tradition continues to this day. When mom and dad went on their Scotland mission my sister Marcie took over the pie party. Since her passing her daughter Megan makes the pie party happen. 

This year there will be no big party but we will eat a piece or two of pie and remember Grandma, Mom, and Marcie with each bite. 

#24.  I marvel at the little things.  

I ran to TJ Maxx to get some clear glasses since I’m setting a small Thanksgiving table and I wanted all the glassware to match.  The check out lady was obviously in training and doing her best to work the register, say all of the nice things and get the bag size correct.  It was a process.  It made me smile, although you couldn’t see that under my mask. Her trainer was being so patient. As I exited a stranger held the door open for me and wished me a good day.  At Maverick the worker got me lime packets.  

I marvel at the kindness shared… it’s polite..it’s good manners and I appreciate it.  

#25  I love my Christmas decorations this year… I’m going with a colorful, rainbow theme and it is feeling fresh and fun!   Rainbows lead me to thinking of LGBTQ community. It was one I never thought I would find myself in, but I am richly blessed by it. Because of LGBTQ family members, I feel like I love bigger, and I’ve learned how to drop my own agendas and just honor people on their journey.  I have more compassion and curiosity and less judgment. I have new eyes to see those on the margins.  I understand privilege more than I ever have before.   I’m working on making our church culture more inclusive, safe, and welcoming.   I’m grateful for what I’ve learned by being a part of this world- it’s been good and it’s been hard and I’m here for all of it. 

"We sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is. How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain? Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges. This is gratitude that heals the heart and expands the mind." ~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

#26.  I’m grateful for a holiday dedicated to family and gathering.  It’s smaller this year. We miss the Buzellis.  But we aren’t doing anything on a grand scale.  Everyone is distancing and not socializing as best they can. 

Wayne Carved the turkey...it took 3 knives

I busied myself cooking all morning. Turkey, mashed potatoes,  creamed onions, sausage stuffing, carrots and cabbage in butter sauce, 6 dozen homemade rolls, gravy, and coordination it all for a 2:00 start. I was grateful for My kid's food contributions as well - Monson and Lexi brought green bean casserole and sweet potatoes and Addison and Bre made sweet potato stackers and “celestial Bread pudding” and Tru and Levi made roasted veggies and corn pudding. We had so much food it didn’t all fit on the table. 

Plus pies!  We had so many delicious pies.  10 flavors!  (My banana cream was change your life good. ) the  Buzelli pie elves dropped off 6 right before dinner. 

Anyway.... as we all gathered around the table before we prayed I had everyone stop and just take a deep, silent breath. A pause. It felt good and then Prayer was definitely in order. 

I was grateful for my full table with Addison’s and Monson’s families gathering with us. We added Levi this year too -Tru’s boyfriend. Levi has been living in our home for over a month. He’s delightful, kind, smart, interested and articulate.  All good qualities.  I’m grateful Truman found his person. They have been together a little over a year. 

We shared what we are grateful for and how 2020 has changed us - - helped us slow down and reprioritize connection. 

This year our Thanksgiving theme is…..Love the ones you're with and honor those who can’t be with you.  We packed up food and did a delivery to Wanee, Holly and Dale for their Thanksgiving feast. 

We walked around the block so we could make room for Pie. Lady and Poppy held hands the entire way.

Leaning over my Marriott Balcony for my Wayne get away!

The kids all went to see a movie. Bre rented out a theatre and they all saw Croods 2. Wayne and I ran into SLC for a two-night hotel stay. With Covid it’s so different but we are glad to get away and connect and SLC was empty... a ghost town, so we felt very safe walking around City Creek.  We ate at a Hot -pot- Mr. Shabu's and saw the movie "Love and Monsters"... it was actually good.  

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I had to buy this butter dish since our Thanksgiving meal was basically ALL butter.  We went through pounds of the stuff.  

The time we spend together is sacred. 

Angels

I believe in Angels. I'm reminded of this after studying E. Godoy's talk from Oct. 2020 General Conference. 

I’ve had big angel experiences and small ones. All are important and came when I needed them most.

An actual Angel jumped in front of my car while driving in Philadelphia. I was driving a van full of high school kids for the National debate tournament back in 2005– before Siri and google maps. We were driving back to our hotel on a Sunday evening from the Philadelphia Eagles stadium. I had taken the wrong exit and was now struggling to find the way back onto the freeway. I was driving slow, reading road signs and praying. Suddenly out of nowhere a beautiful, black Angel jumped in front of my car waving his arms. I slammed on my brakes, with out any fear rolled down my window and he said, “What are two white women ( Leann Hyer Davis high debate coach was in the passenger seat) doing in this neighborhood?  You don’t belong here. “ I explained what I did and he gave clear and concise directions to get me back on track. A smile and a wave and we were gone.  He was an absolute Angel, waving arms and all.  He was heaven sent.

Mostly my Angel experiences are smaller. My angels come in the form of kindnesses from strangers and loving friends and family who help me or say the right thing at the needed time. 

I know angels ushered my parents and Marcie to heaven. I felt them in their home and hospital bedside. I also know angels attended me and my siblings during these grieving times.  Angels dropped off food, and cleaned, and listened and prayed and took care of us. 

I know angels helped navigate our path in adoption. 

I know my special needs sis-in-law Holly is an Angel. She speaks to heaven and relays messages of love from my mom and dad to me. 

I know angels helped minister to Laila and I at Primary children’s hospital when she had her cracked skull and Wayne was stuck in China. 

I know angels got me through from being a struggling momma into a proud LGBTQ momma bear.

I know angels helped Wayne and I  through hard financial times. 

I know angels took us in to friend groups and biking groups and loved and cheered us. 

I know angels made it possible for the Belnaps, Welches and Farleys  to get home from China when Laura was in a horrible motorcycle accident. 

I know we have a YSA angel, McKay who blesses all of us with this light. He ministers the sacrament patiently and carefully because of his poor vision. It’s really a sweet sight, and  a special feeling when he’s at the  sacrament table.  

I know angles helped lift Landon out of a car accident in the middle of nowhere as he traveled to Lake Powell. The car was totaled and Landon didn't have a scratch on him.

I know angels got my kids into their homes and worked miracles so their finances worked out.

I know our Scottish angels help Laila feel loved, worthy and valued from across the pond.

I know angels got Truman back to Utah… a place he never thought he would return to. 

My mom would always say, “let me get my angels on that” when I presented a worry or a problem. I know this happened. And I know we can call on our angels as well.

Whether in dramatic ways or simple ways, Angels have blessed and I know will continue to bless my life. I’m grateful for angels. 

I love this quote from Elder Jeffery R. Holland:

 "We are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil.

 Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. 

Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods.

 Some of them gave birth to us...Indeed heaven never seems closer

 than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and 

devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the

 only word that comes to mind."

Love Jet..Love Laila

Laila loves her dog Jet…but it seems at times that he doesn’t love her back.  He doesn’t want to cuddle or sit on her lap, or even hold still while she pets him.  In fact, when she goes to pet him he puts his head on the ground and his butt in the air.  It’s a crazy awkward position.  

Laila gets frustrated with this.  I told her she just needs to love him the way he wants to be loved.  That’s what I do with her.

My relationship with Laila only got better when I chose to love her the way she wants to be loved. 

I had this idealized mother-daughter relationship that looked like her telling me EVERYTHING, watching romantic comedies or historical dramas as we snuggled on the couch munching popcorn; hanging out together; eating at a salad place for lunch and baking goodies at least once a week, plus hugs on demand.

She doesn’t like doing any of this. 

A scary movie, Anime, getting chik-fil-a, playing video games, and being alone in her bedroom is her style.  Along with the occasional hug and “I love you.”

I could get totally bugged by this and feel like we just don’t have a good relationship but I’ve decided instead that we have a fabulous one.

Once I realized I could just love her and know that she loves me without any of these trappings, things only got better. 

Laila doesn’t have to do or be anything different and I can just love her.     

New Decorations

 I have new Christmas decorations this year in my living room.  I'm going with a rainbow motif...which could look tacky, but I think it's looking fresh and fun.  

This brought me some joy during COVID time.

Addison helped my hand dye the little bottle brush trees so I could have a forest of Color.  The larger ones I found at World Market and Target.  

AND of course I love setting up mom's Bethlehem village on my piano.  

The First Vision

My homeward had a Celebration of the First Vision on Wednesday night over zoom.  We all submitted a picture of ourselves and a place, way we feel and are reminded of God's love for us. It was beautiful to see all of the different ways His Love is manifested. Thenn.......... the RS committee asked artists in the ward to paint something in honor of this. 

We actually have 3 painters who sell their works and are noted in the arts community share their paintings. These three shared amazing insights and works of art.... they also asked me.

In my own colorful way I thought about what would have happened in the first vision and I decided we went from a black and white world to a colorful one. When God and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith in a heavenly visitation, I also believe angels came down and love expanded … so my painting encompasses all of this. 

The painting represents: Our knowledge being expanded, the heavens opening, the world being seen in a new, more colorful way, and two personages becoming one in heart.

26 days of gratitude pt. 1

I love me some November!!  Thanksgiving is on the 26th so I’m counting 26 blessings between now and then.       

Nov 1:   Grateful for holidays. Especially in this time of Covid. Halloween was a riot even with smaller gatherings and very few trick or treaters.

Nov. 2:  Grateful for Fast Sundays and the hearing and bearing of testimony of Jesus Christ.   It’s so strengthening to be able to share this with one another. 

Nov 3:  Grateful for the right to vote.  Grateful for all of the strong, opinionated women who went before me who made it possible for me to vote. 

Grateful day 4:  A memory that I’m really grateful for is from 2015.  During my dad’s last days on this earth he gave each of his children a father's blessing. He was too weak to stand so he sat in a chair and we sat on the floor in front of him. I remember the feel of his hands on my head and the kind words he spoke. I remember the tears. I remember thinking in just a few weeks he’ll be in heaven. It was bitter sweet.   I have it recorded and it's wonderful to hear his voice and remember.

Grateful #5: There is an item in my home I am so grateful for. It’s a toilet.  Indoor plumbing, am I right?  Also  my computer. It allows me to work from home in a job I enjoy and it connects me to the outside world.   OH, and I can’t forget my refrigerator, or my cozy bed… I could go on and on. So many conveniences to be thankful for.

#6:  Grateful for sunsets. Sunsets have special meaning for me. They are a reassurance that God sees us and is in charge.  The year my momma died I set a nightly alarm on my phone so I wouldn’t miss the sunset. I would walk down to the bottom of our street and stand there and think of mom and count my blessings. I see love in the colors and feel a prayer in my heart that all is well. 

A Bountiful Sunset

#7.  I’m grateful for the Book of Mormon.  It is what keeps me in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  If I have any questioning or experience disappointment within the church, I just remember my testimony of Jesus Christ which is sustained by the Book of Mormon and I’m “all in” once again.  It’s the bedrock of my testimony.  

#8. (What lesson in life are you most grateful for experiencing). Motherhood.  It’s been a rollercoaster ride.  When I married Wayne I told him I never wanted to have kids…he replied, “we’ll see”…. and now five kids later I wouldn’t trade the ups and downs and all of the in-between lessons  of being a mother for anything.  I have grown in compassion and empathy, curiosity and I hope, kindness. I know how to love fully and forgive deeply.   I have grown in my faith and testimony of Jesus Christ and know that all will be made right that’s unfair in this life.  I love all of my children —straight and LGBTQ—  they each bring their own set of struggles and beautiful blessings.  

#9. Grateful for travel. Life long goal is to travel the world. I have loved being introduced to exotic places and cultures. China, Paris, Mexico, London, my beloved Scotland and so many glorious parts of the fifty, nifty United States.  I’m grateful for plans and having places to travel to look forward to.(Israel) Especially as we are all stuck at home. 

#10 When I think of something in my childhood that I'm grateful for, My Grandma Butters swimming pool tops the list. This was our go-to fun all summer long   It truly was a slice of heaven.  Night swims, sleepovers, skinny dipping, birthday parties, ALL the summer holidays happened here.  This is where we swam with our cousins and made life long friendships. This is the same pool my own children grew up swimming in at least three times a week all summer.    I look back on my golden childhood and see it’s even more golden because of this pool.  

#11.  I’m thankful for music.  I’m thankful, currently, for Christmas music..the old classics and the new tunes too.  My mom always had Christmas music playing all year long, and she requested “Joy to the World”, “Were you There” and “Silent Night”- the jazz version sung at her funeral.  It was amazing.

I was thinking about 5 love songs that thrill me….. these are what I’ve come up with:   

My 5 love songs: 

1. “Somebody to Love” by Queen 
2. “You’re just to good to be true” by Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons 
3. “Love will keep us together” by the Captain and Tenneil 
4. “Come what may”   - Moulin Rouge 
5. “Your song” by Elton John 

These could all change tomorrow…but right now, I am in love, thinking about my Wayne and singing all of these!

#12. I’m grateful for my morning routine.  I  roll out of bed, brush my teeth, and then play my scriptures… a chapter a day of the Book of Mormon. Then I listen to a podcast devotional about what I just read in Come Follow Me-Daily Dose.  Exercise is next… usually a walk with Laila’s dog, or Wayne, or a friend.  I love walking and getting out in nature.  If I’m alone I listen to more podcasts… some of my favorites are:  

All In. 

Listen Learn and Love.  

The Sisterhood Podcast. 

Cultivate a Good life.

Brenee Brown- Unlocking Us  

Jen Hatmaker’s For the Love.  

#13 One piece of advice that I’m grateful for was posted over the door way in my Grandparent’s home.  

“People are more important than things”.  

My Grandma and Grandpa Butters had  many nice things, and they shared their backyard “pool-thing”  with everyone. They were rich in $ and in love. So they could have been caught up in their “things and stuff,”  but they were not.  They truly prioritized people above all.  When we remember my grandparents the two  things that come up are ‘Love one another” and “People are more important than things.”   It’s good to remember this advice on my Grandma Butters birthday.  She would have been 105 today which is also appropriate since it’s World Kindness Day! 

#14.   Grateful for rejection. It's all part of thte 50/50 of life.  

I really wanted to play the witch in “Into the woods” and many years ago I auditioned for this part and I didn’t get it. I had a pity party. 

But this rejection opened the door for me to audition for “ Five Carols for Christmas.  And had I made “Into the Woods” I wouldn’t have auditioned. “Five Carols for Christmas” brought me some of my bestest friends. I’m so grateful for all my Carols. I’m grateful I was rejected so then I could have this bounteous blessing.  Being a theater actress there are many times to feel and get rejected. It’s actually really good practice for life.

Kenny Plain, Lindsey Garside, Me, Maurie Tarbox, Jan Smith, Julie Blatter, Jim Christian

The saying Everything happens for a reason is true as long as you find reason in everything.  

#15.    We moved Monson and Lexi into their new Layton home and that's a lot of work!  BUT....I’m grateful my body can DO these things.  I don’t have any regular occurring aches and pains.  I know many people who do.   Currently, my legs ache from climbing up and down on to tall stools for 5 hours while I painted Monson and Lexi’s master bedroom a gorgeous green.  And my right arm aches from moving the roller up and down and back and forth…but I like all of these aches.  It feels good to know I can still do all of this.   I’m grateful to be able to hike and bike and walk for miles.  I love my body.  

Nervous Breakdown

My mom had a nervous breakdown.

I only have spotty recollections of this. I would have been around 7 or 8 years old?   I know there was uncomfortable quiet around it, and after she was ”better” it wasn’t talked about much.  I know all those who could verify and talk to me about this are long gone...mom, dad, Marcie, my grandparents….her sister Lynette who has dementia.  I reached out to her older sister Dar, and she was living in Minnesota at the time, so she knew of it but not much detail.   

So why does it keep popping up in my head?  I put my mom on a loving pedestal...but I see that her wisdom and empathy and compassion were hard won. 

Leading up to this break down time my mom sewed all of our clothes.  Marcie and I had matching everything.  She even sewed us some adorable winter coats.  She made my brother Adam’s Sunday suits and little girls summer outfits.  She sewed all of my Aunt Diane’s groovy-cool outfits for BYU co-ed life.  

Mom made Marcie's dress and mine.    This is 1967.  

Mom made us these Coats

Mom made these dresses and Adam's pants.   She was an amazing seamstress.

Mom was a superwoman. She could do it all.  She was the Ultimate Mother of Zion. She decorated everyone's birthday cake. When we had our school birthday celebrations she always brought cupcakes with perfect icing roses on each cupcake. (Totally pinterest worthy). This was for first graders. Mom hosted all of the parties and looked like a movie star doing it. She did her hair and put her makeup on EVERY day.     

Mom choreographed for multiple theaters, helped with the Singing Mothers and with the Sweet Adelines.  She was ward Relief Society President and worked tirelessly on bazaars for fundraising for churches to be built.  She was the Bishop’s wife and had 5 kids in less than 8 years.   

My dad had time-consuming church callings and was in three bishoprics.  He had his own men’s clothing store in downtown Bountiful and worked many long hours there.  Mom helped him a lot, especially during the holiday season wrapping presents.   I remember having many baby sitters during December, waiting for our parents to come home.  Especially to come home on Christmas Eve so we could go to Grandma and Grandpa Butters' house to play with our cousins. 

Mom was all about perfection.  We had to look just right. Our house had to be just right and She had to appear just right too. Then her world fell apart.   I don’t know exactly what happened.  I was a kid. 

But what I remember is …..  Mom was hospitalized. They put her on valium to make it all better. It didn't. She was a zombie.

She spent many weeks laying in her bed.  In the dark.  In silence.  

We had to be quiet and tiptoe around.  We had to stay in our rooms and play.  Marcie and I spent time creating felt ornaments and a felt Twelve days of Christmas hanging for our mom.  She framed this and hung it proudly in her stairwell throughout her life. 

I remember many babysitters, and going to strange people’s homes (ward members?) to be taken care of.  

I remember my Grandma coming by, it seemed like every afternoon at 4, to take my mom and all of us kids to get a coke and fries at Gil’s drive in.  ( It was in Bountiful on 200 west across from where Smokin Bones BBQ is now.)  Seatbelts weren’t a thing and we all piled in the backseat on top of each other while mom held baby Liz or maybe it was Angela on her lap in the front seat.    We looked forward to this coke and fry break thinking it was all for us kids.  I’m sure it was also a much needed mental health break in my mom’s day.  Grandma was our rescuer.  

Dad sold his store and went into real estate.   

Mom got rid of her sewing machine.  She never sewed another stitch.  It represented her past- perfect  life.   When Marcie and I learned to sew in our JR. High classes, she didn’t help us.  She couldn’t do it. This is the only time she referred to her “dark” days around us.

Mom read a lot of books in the process of her healing and came out the other side of this wiser, more empathetic and compassionate for her self and all those around her.   She fought her way out of perfection into a loving good enough.  She came out of this break-down into a break-through of a better, kinder version of herself.  Sheri 2.0.    

Mom influenced so many people’s lives.  Her family, ward members, theatre people, students, educators, choir members, friends and really anyone who came in contact with her, left uplifted.  This was her gift.  But it’s not one she was born with.  She cultivated this.  She chose it daily.

She went through the dark crucible and came out into the light better for it.  She read a lot of self help books and gave many self love talks and amplified her circle of influence.  

I love this about her.    It’s the struggle that helps us to evolve if we let it.  Mom showed me this again and again.