Thanksgiving Day 2019

We are so thankful for the Calls and their hospitality this year.   Gary and Megan and crew are such gracious hosts and really know how to cook.  We had all of the traditional fare-- delicious appetizers, turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, two types of stuffing, carrots and cabbage, corn, green bean casserole with bacon, Ruth's chris Sweet Potatoes,  Savory sweet potato stacks,  homemade rolls, cranberry relish and raspberry jam.  AND a ton of pies!

Grateful for Marcie's amazing family.   This is our 5th Thanksgiving without her and we are all doing better.  No more tears, just a sweet melancholy.    

Liz, Addison, Bre, Grandma Mary, Wayne

Addison and Poppy...more hugs

Landon, Laila, Melinda

Guy, Preston, Alfie, Angela, Megan, Hayden....and FOOTBALL

Got my turkey hat on!

Landon, Bre, Poppy and Addison

Megan, Laila, Landon... 

Poppy passing out hugs

Gary, Laila, Landon, Alex, Liz

Hayden, Megan and Gary --our wonderful Hosts.

Wayne sneaking some turkey with Alfie

Addison and Bre

Alex , Laila, Jenna

Adam, Kas, Aaron, Jenna with Jamie, Christine

Pie Party and a Snowy Thanksgiving Morn

 Pie party at the Calls was a success.   So much pie and so little time, but Wayne and I did our best to eat as much as we could stand.  My favorites of course, are the Apple Cran pie that's my friend Si's recipe and Wayne loves the Banana cream pie .  Poppy will eat ANY pie or sweet treat she is offered.

Thanksgiving morning brought SNOW and more snow.  Wayne plowed a couple of times.  Then he would come in and wait for  more snow to plow some more.  

Laila doing a quality control check on my rolls...they passed with flying colors.

Writing in our thanksgiving journal

Faith journey is a GIFT

I've been listening to podcasts and reading books lately about faith journeys.  I can relate to so much of it.  The one comment I really liked was calling a faith journey or crisis a GIFT.    My journey has been a gift to me.  

It's a gift because it brought on searching and questioning and a deepening of my faith.
  
It's a gift because it moved me into NOT needing all of the answers and being able to live in uncertainty and be okay with it. 

It's a gift because it changed the way I look at the leaders of the church.

It's a gift because it changed the way I pray. 
  
It's a gift because I have come closer to God.  

Through all of this, I never stopped going to church.  Having an organized religion...and being able to gather with like-minded, struggling Saints, has helped me on this path.  

Many people are dumping their religion and moving into spirituality since religion can be viewed as divisive.   
1- We can use religion to separate us from other people or judge others who don't share our beliefs.

2.  We can use the commandments as a manual to set expectations for spouses or children which can create resentment and fear about what it means if the spouse or child doesn't meet the manual.

3.  We can use religion to beat ourselves up by comparing ourselves to other people at church.

but

My religion and spirituality are all bundled together. 

Attending church is supposed to point us to GOD; to help us remember our covenant to be more Christ-like and always remember Him. 

What I've worked on is NOT going to church with a chip on my shoulder -- “I dare you to say do something I don't agree with.”   

NOT being on the lookout for something or someone to take offense to.  

NOT being exclusively inclusive-- I can only talk to you and like you if you agree with me. 

I try to remember this saying, " You will never look into the eyes of someone the Savior does not love. "

I now go with the goal of looking for things that remind me of God.  

I used to be constantly sorting leaders- the good ones I could stand to listen to and the ones who just didn't "get it."  I would do this with Elder Packer and I find myself sometimes doing it with Elder Oaks... but I'm working on stopping this.  Instead, I look at this person or this leader and recognize they are speaking out of love. They are doing their best.   Whatever their life experience has brought them to this point and I would say and do the same things they are saying and doing if I had their life.  I give generous assumptions.  It doesn’t cost me anything to believe this and it feels so much better.

If I find myself not liking Relief Society or Sunday School or even Sacrament meeting I don't put the blame on others.  I stop and look at what is going on in my own thoughts.    I know that all of these circumstances are neutral and my uncomfortableness or isolated feeling comes from my thoughts, not from the meetings.

I decided to be who I needed others to be for me in Relief Society.  I need people to be vulnerable and authentic and not be caught up in the "perfect" answers. I need people to open their doors so I can see and hear that they are all struggling and it's okay.   So I try to model this in Relief Society and I express extra thanks either openly or on the side to others who do this too.   

Now I pray so differently.   I counsel with the Lord.  I sit with uncertainty.  If my kids don't end up safe or leave the church... God's got their back.   I move forward with love and trust.  

All of this is a gift because of my faith journey.

And one more thing.... I understand why as an LDS church we congregate geographically and we don't get to pick and choose what ward we are going to attend.  It would be easy to go to church with all of my family and friends who I love.  That wouldn't take much on my part. That wouldn't be a sacrifice.  I could stay in my comfort zone.   Attending church with people I don't really know or like or have things in common with is the harder path.  AND....it is a perfect way for us humans to practice being more Christ-like.  It stretches me to serve, to say hello and inquire and talk to my ward people.  It's what Christ would have me do. 

I like this quote from one of my spiritual heroes:

“Be spiritually independent enough that your relationship with the Savior doesn't depend on your circumstances or on what other people say and do. Have the spiritual independence to be a Mormon--the best Mormon you can--in your own way. Not the bishop's way. Not the Relief Society president's way. Your way.”

― Chieko N. Okazaki, Lighten Up

Teasing about being adopted... really?

MY SOAPBOX: 

"We always teased my sister that she was adopted, and she would run out of the room crying!"  

Wayne, Laila and I  met a guy who was telling us he had 4 brothers then years went by and his mom had a little girl. He said they always teased her that she was adopted.  I’ll say that again… “teased her that she was adopted.”  

We sat there appalled.  

Laila looked at him like dude do you know what you just said? 

I piped up, “Laila is adopted and we all love it. “ It got uncomfortable.  

He backpedaled, “Well we didn’t mean it in that way. “ 

What other way was there to mean it?   

Why do we tease people about being adopted like it’s a bad thing?  

It’s like the classic OFFICE television episode when  Michael Scott who is trying to be sensitive says, “We don't call special needs people retarded. We call our friends retarded when they act like retards.”  

SO. NOT. RIGHT.

It’s like using the slur, “That’s so gay” when referring to something dumb.    

It’s not right. 

We can all be better on all of these fronts.   

It’s national adoption month and  I want all to remember that adopted people are chosen people.   

Being adopted or gay or having special needs are all good things and we need to stop the belittling, the teasing,  the ”I’m just joking," and putting others down for their circumstances or their birth.

Maybe I'm more sensitive to this because I have an adopted daughter, I have gay family members, and I have a special needs Sis-in-law, but we should all be more sensitive and loving to all of God's children. 

Okay. I’m off my soapbox.

Face to Face with Elder Gong

Laila was a host for the Face to Face Event with Elder Gong for our church.  She had a great experience and was grateful for the off-camera time that she got to hang out with Elder Gong, Sister Cordin, Sister Jones and Elder Owen.    Laila enjoyed her co-host Dillon from Lehi.


This was a great gig for Laila.  She is really good at charming adults and chatting them up.  She has a million dollar smile and a personality that goes through the camera.


Laila also got to share a dressing area with David Archuleta and chat him up.

Tugging her ear... for a Hi to Scotland.

Laila made a promise to our Scottish friends that she would send a secret 'hi" to them during the broadcast.  About 20 minutes into the broadcast while her co host Dillon was asking a question Laila reached up and tugged on her ear.  We were sure at that moment all of the saints in the Ayrshire ward were smiling.  That was the secret "hi".

Laila reciting the new YW theme with Sister Cordin

We love Elder and Sister Gong

Wayne, Melinda, Sister Bonnie Cordin, Laila, Jake, Sadie and George- Laila's freinds

Make the holidays work FOR you

I think as we grow older, our Christmas list gets smaller and the things we really want for the holidays can’t be bought.   What I want for Christmas is to have my kids near me. I want to spend quality and quantity family time. I want to show up  as a loving wife, sister, mom and meema. I want to increase my testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ. This doesn’t all just happen on Dec. 25th. 

It’s called the Holidays-- it’s plural DAYS for a reason.  It’s not just one day Dec. 25th but the days and weeks in between Thanksgiving and New Years that we get to spend with family and friends and focus on  Jesus’ birth. His birth changed everything and it’s worth celebrating.  

Here’s what I want to keep in my holidays.

I want to keep family time-  extended gatherings, small dinners, movie watching, singing and playing together, sleep overs, traditions old and new.  

I want to  listen to Christmas music and go to Christmas theatrical events. 

I want to find gifts that say-- “Hey, I love you and I’m grateful for what you add to my life.” 

I want to watch Hallmark Christmas movies and think of my mom and sister, Marcie. 

I want to slow down and sit by the fire and sip hot cocoa.

I want to go out and see the decorations, lit trees, colorful houses and people.  

I want to decorate my own home with memories.

 I want to take walks in the cold air and count my blessings.

I want to remember Christ more, speak of Christ more and be more Christ like and try harder to be a little more kind than I was last year. 

These things all work for me, and keep me in the holiday spirit which is Christ-like-loving and caring for others and for myself. 

BUT… I don’t want to shop til I drop, and buy just because it’s on sale, and add more stuff to everyone’s home that they don’t need.  

I don’t want to go overboard with decorations and wear myself out trying to show off for whom? 

I don’t want Dec. 25th to roll around and be tired and irritated and ready for it all to just be over so I can clean it all up and move on.  

I don’t want to have thoughts that keep me frazzled, frantic and frustrated.

What works for you in the holidays and what doesn’t? 

Get rid of the things that aren’t working for you and making this holiday time just a bothersome check list.  

There is so much Pinterest pressure.  Get off social media and just do your own thing, whatever that looks like.  If social media inspires you, that’s one thing, but if it depresses you and you move into compare and despair- Turn. It. Off.  

So many people just roll their eyes, feel pressure about  and talk negatively around this time of year. They complain that  Christmas has become too commercial, is not about Christ anymore and reminds them what they don’t have money-wise, or friend and family-wise.  Instead of hating the holidays and filling yourself with all sorts of Scroogey thoughts let’s focus on what you can like about them, maybe even love.  

I am so grateful for the reason for this season and that’s what I want to celebrate.  What a beautiful time of year.

This Thankful poem...

I Am Thankful For…

…the mess to clean after a party because it means
I have been surrounded by family and friends.

…the taxes I pay because
it means that I am employed.

…the clothes that fit a little too snug
because it means I have enough to eat.

…my shadow who watches me work
because it means I am out in the sunshine.

…the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking.

…all complaining I hear about government
because it means we have freedom of speech.

…a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning
and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.

…the lady behind me in church who sings off-key
because it means that I can hear.

…my huge heating bill because it means that I am warm.

....the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours
because it means that I am alive.

…the piles of laundry and ironing
because it means my loved ones are nearby.

…weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day
because it means I have been productive.

(Family Circle Nov. 1999)

Counsel with the Lord

I have been trying a new thing with my prayers.  Counseling instead of asking.  My normal prayers were thank-yous first and then asks second then signing off. 

I'm now working on thanks first then counseling second.

Counseling sounds like this.... instead of asking for help with my people, I counsel and say something like, "Does Laila even need help? Is she right on track?  Is there a better way I should be doing this?  Is there a different way I could be looking at this? "

Here's the deal, I don't think the Lord is ever shocked or surprised by what's going on down here.  He's all-knowing.  We have agency and choice and he wants us to seek him and learn and grow-- but he knows the end from the beginning.  We don't.    So when things aren't going how I think they SHOULD be going, counseling feels so much better than asking.  Asking makes my prayers feel needy and automatic.  "Please bless... Please help... Please, please."

I have had two experiences lately with this that were truly faith promoting.

Wayne lost his passport.  We had returned home from Portland at midnight on Sunday and he was flying out to China in 8 hours.  He couldn't find his passport.  We searched in drawers, under dressers and beds, in suitcases and briefcases.  All of the usual places.  Wayne decided it must be at his office.  At 1 in the morning, Wayne went to his work and I went to my knees.  I counseled with the Lord, "Should Wayne even find his passport?   If so help this to happen quickly.  If not we will be at peace with it. "  I was thinking maybe he's not supposed to go to China.  Maybe this missing passport is just how it's supposed to be.  As I prayed and counseled, I felt comforted.  When I said amen, I opened my eyes and glanced to my left and the passport was under Wayne's nightstand.  We had looked there many times.   I got down on my knees again in thanks.  Wayne flew out to China.

When we were in Scotland at Culzean Castle we had another experience with this.

Laila was trying to get all of her college applications in and the last one, the one to BYU was due at midnight Utah time. It was now midnight Scotland time, and the clock was ticking.  Laila was finishing her essays and it was all a bit much.  She was tired and cranky and she didn't want to do this.  I told her to forget it.  She doesn't want to go to BYU anyway and was just doing it to keep her options open.
At this point, she took ownership and said, "NO, I got my Bishop's endorsement in and my essays, so I'm going to finish this."
She clicked submit and it came up that she needed three more endorsements- one from the stake president, one from a family friend and one from her English or Math teacher.
Ughh!
We had a few hours to make this happen and we were in a castle.

Laila texted family friend, Kimi Farley who has happy to oblige when she could get to her computer.  Laila begged Wayne to contact Pres. Jackson which he did. The Stake Pres said, after talking to Laila on the phone, that he would get it in by midnight.  Laila only had her teacher's school emails.  No phone numbers.  She emailed a few of them with no response and felt frantic. Would they even see the request? 
I told her again just to forget it.  It's all too much.
Then I had an idea.
I suggested we ask the Lord if she is even supposed to turn an application in to BYU.
We said this "counseling" prayer, and upon AMEN, we heard a ding- Kimi's endorsement was in and ding her English teacher turned one in!!!  The teacher also emailed Laila back and said, "I don't know why I looked at my school email tonight, I never do that on a weekend, but I'm glad I could help you."

Answers to prayer for sure.

Laila started crying, " This means I have to go to BYU."  She was sobbing.  I corrected her, "No. what this means is you were supposed to apply to BYU and the Lord is aware of you and hears our prayers. "

It was a sweet time for all of us and we fell asleep in our castle in Scotland assured that the Lord is involved in our lives.

Do Better

"We always teased my sister that she was adopted, and she would run out of the room crying!"  

Wayne, Laila and I  met a guy who was telling us he had 4 brothers then years went by and his mom had a little girl. He said they always teased her that she was adopted.  

We sat there appalled.  

Laila looked at him like dude do you know what you just said? 

I piped up, “Laila is adopted and we all love it. “ It got uncomfortable.  

He backpedaled, “Well we didn’t mean it in that way. “ 

What other way was there to mean it?   

It’s like the classic OFFICE tv episode when Michael Scott who is trying to be sensitive says, “We don't call special needs people retarded. We call our friends retarded when they act like retards.”  

SO. NOT. RIGHT.

Why do we tease people about being adopted like it’s a bad thing?   

It’s like using the slur, “That’s so gay” when referring to something dumb.    

It’s not right. 

We can all be better on all of these fronts.   

It’s national adoption month and  I want all to remember that adopted people are chosen people.   

Being adopted or gay or having special needs are all good things and we need to stop the belittling, teasing, "I'm just joking," and putting others down for their circumstances or their birth.

Maybe I'm more sensitive to this because I have an adopted daughter, I have gay sons, and I have a special needs Sis-in-law, but we should all be more sensitive and loving to all of God's children. 

Okay. I’m off my soapbox.  

Scotland and the Royal Gilardi Wedding

We will start with the royal wedding which is the Gelardi wedding in Scotland. We left on 30 October -me -Wayne and Laila and arrived on Halloween. We got to have fish and chips for dinner with Karen‘s family and enjoy the Halloween costumes of Nolan who has Harry Potter and Imogen as a princess. Then we were able to go shopping at the local stores Top Shop and Primark and find some fun things. 

The next day was the wedding day, so as a fun surprise the Gelardi’s gave us and the Sharkey‘s a night at Culzean Castle. We all stayed in the Eisenhower suite and it was pretty amazing. There are very few guests that stay in this castle but you do get a key to the castle an actual key that unlocks the side door to let yourself in and out we also got breakfast the next morning it really was quite posh. The wedding was in the castle’s rotunda which is the big stairwell and the bride walks up the steps to get to it and then back down the steps when it’s over. Christiana had two wedding dresses. She had a white one that she wore earlier in the day to a luncheon and then had pictures taken in that and then she had a champagne pink one that she actually got married in with a train of about 20 feet. It was so heavy!  A very elegant silk dress with gold embroidery and detailing both of these are specially made of course sparing no expense. 

Then they had a huge tent outside that they had the reception in. The Scotts call it a marquee.  There was dancing and food from Stobbs the baker - Umberto did all of the catering - meat pies and bread and Italian sausages and meats with olives and nuts and all of their sweets. They also had an ice cream truck there, and haggis balls-- it was just so lovely. We seriously danced the night away.  Laila, Eileen and I showed up and our fascinator hats —that was really fun to be able to wear. There were wild hats and kilts everywhere. Laila hung out with the teenagers— some she had met last summer and some new faces. George tried to be Laila's matchmaker. 

We just dancing and danced until midnight. About halfway through the night we all kicked our shoes off and put on socks and then we continued dancing.  

One of the special moments for me was when the band was playing some Mamma Mia songs and we were all on the dance floor holding hands high in the air,  swaying back-and-forth and singing “thank you for the music.” I couldn’t stop the tears. It just was so beautiful and I just love these Sharkeys so much. I could feel my parent's presence so many times this weekend.  

Highlights of the night included Umberto and Christiana with their father-daughter choreographed dance. Then all of the fathers and daughters were invited to the floor to dance. It was a joy watching Wayne and Laila.   Christiana and Peter getting silly-stringed. And Christiana and Peter getting wrapped up in ribbon- a lot of these are Italian traditions that we hadn’t seen before. Eileen and Wayne dancing the traditional Gay Garden’s dance that the Scotts all learn growing up. 

We had full Scottish breakfast in Culzean Castle the next day — haggis, blood sausage, eggs, bacon and beans. We dropped Laila off at Karen’s house so she could be with the kids and Karen all day long.  They went to a trampoline park and watched movies and ate food while we drove four hours south to the Preston temple for the Sealing of Christiana and Peter and then went out to dinner and then drove back up to Ayr four hours.  We had a fun night sharing our poop stories which just basically humanizes everybody and makes everybody realize that we’re on the same boat so it was funny.  

This has been a whirlwind of a holiday for us!!  We are tired. Sunday we went to church at Ayr ward and everyone bore testimony and it was just a beautiful beautiful day. Then we got to go to Turnberry golf course to have lunch. Liam treated us. It was his father’s sixtieth birthday and so he had his parents there, George and Eileen and us and the kids. Nolan and Imogen can’t get enough of Laila. We got to walk around and see the Turnberry Hotel which they just barely refurbished. It is astounding with twenty-four karat gold here and there and quarter of a million Dollar chandeliers - just so posh.  All of the male staff are in kilts. 

The weather has been really lovely too —not very much rain — a little bit of Smirry rain and a little bit of Dreich rain. I love the Scottish words for the different types of rain that they have. they’re very specific. 

It’s fun to watch Eileen grandmother. She is totally invested and does so much for Karen’s family. Eileen is a wonder. She reminds me of my mom. 

So now we’re at the airport just waiting to board to get back home. We couldn’t stop the tears of course as we said our goodbyes to the magical George and Eileen but George is promised us that he’s going to be alive for at least 10 more years so that’s good news. He really is youthening. When we first met him, 17 years ago he was walking with a cane and his Health was declining and now he’s only getting better. He carried our suitcases to and from the car. it’s just amazing. He was able to tell us some more war stories you know when he’s a spy and getting it out of countries and different things that happened to him when he was in the secret service.

So happy that we could make this wedding trip work.

Day 1. 4 hours in Amsterdam airport. 

Wayne driving a stick shift with left hand. 

Loving on George and Eileen. 

Shopping with Laila. 

Visiting with Karen and Liam and kids and trick or treating.  Nolan is Harry Potter and Imogen is Princess Aurora.

Eating fish and chips from local chippy. 

Day 2. 

Wedding day. Travel to Culzean Castle. Check Into our rooms. I can’t believe we are staying in a castle. Get ready including fancy hats. Wedding in the rotunda. Christiana wears a pink champagne wedding dress she wore a white one as well. The ceremony then drinks, appetizers, and ice cream. Move to wedding tent for the reception Marquee.  Umberto catered. Dancing till midnight. Sparkler send-off. Applying to BYU 

Laila dancing with NANCY

Silly Stringing the couple...it was a MESS

Day 3. Wake up in the castle. Proper Scotch breakfast. Drop Laila at Karen’s then 4-hour drive to Preston temple. Beautiful Sealing then dinner st Nando’s chicken and 4-hour drive back. Laila went to a trampoline park with the Brodie’s.  

Day 4. Church at Ayr ward -Wayne, Angie, and George bear testimony. Eileen and I can’t stop crying. Eileen announces to all that Laila is going to be the face of the church by being host to Elder Gong’s face to face fireside. We find out through the find relatives app that we are related to Marlin married to Lez, and Elizabeth Lang, married to Stuart.  These are great friends of the Sharkeys.   Off to Turnberry for lunch. Liam is treating all of us for his father's 60th birthday. We tour the luxurious Turnberry hotel. So gorgeous. Saying gods he to Gilardi’s and tearful goodbye to George and Eileen. 

Melinda, Stuart and Elizabeth Lang, Wayne

Laila, Umberto, Santino and Angie Gilardi

Fearne and Gran Eileen

Liam's parents- Neil and Jenette Brodie, George and Eileen, Melinda and Wayne, Laila, Nolan and Imogen, Karen and Liam Brodie.

IN front of Trumps Turnberry Hotel

View from our dining room.. the Ailsa Craig-- big rock in the water.

Day 5. Airport and home. So little sleep. So grateful we did this.