Are you Right or Left?

It seems to me that CNN and FOX News are what's tearing our country apart.

My friend Jerry wrote..."The worst "virus" that is being spread right now is the virus of non-critical thinking. I had no idea how lazy people's brains have become and how easily swayed people are becoming. I scroll through Facebook from time to time and my jaw is on the floor at the ridiculousness of the positions people take. And yes, I do realize that it's ironic that I'm creating an "us vs them" even in this post. Us = those who think rationally and don't jump to the most dramatic conclusion first. Them = those who cherry-pick data, catastrophize every scenario, spout "slippery slope" logical fallacies about the problems and who cling to their own confirmation bias despite the paucity of evidence.

 It seems that the most endangered species is the pragmatic centrist who wants workable solutions to challenging problems instead of emotional and vitriolic rhetoric"

I agree with him.  

Our country is missing the CENTRISTS... people who want to reach across the aisle and come up with solutions instead of staying in their "camp" and not even trying to understand the other side.   

I want a good Statesman in politics...someone who is able to listen, learn and come up with answers and changes in policy to challenging problems.   

We must educate ourselves in a way that’s fair, equal and balanced. Don’t get your news from Facebook or from one single source. You will be living in a bubble. If FOX News says one thing and CNN says the opposite. The truth is somewhere in the middle. Curiosity and compassion instead of judgment (us against them) works better every time.

I listen to BBC or NPR --both are less biased.

I shake my head that not every white person understands that they were automatically born with white privilege.  So many refuse to even try to understand that the color of their skin does not make their day harder.... it does for my black friends and for my daughter.  That's called white privilege.  It has nothing to do with how hard you had to work to get what you have or how many jobs you have to work to make ends meet now.     It's just that you were born higher up the social justice ladder because of how our society is set up.  It doesn't make it right.  It just is. 

Where does my testimony lie?

It is so helpful for me to be able to separate Church from Christ's true gospel. And to acknowledge the fallibility of our leaders.  There are so many things that have changed in our doctrines and policy since the church was restored. Slavery, black people with priesthood and Temple blessings, mixed-race marriages, birth control, women being able to give healing blessings early in the church, teachings about suicide, and even the teachings about LGBTQ people have dramatically changed over the last few decades.

This recognition that we are all fallen,  and make mistakes, including the Apostles and leaders of our church keeps me in the church.  IT doesn’t take me out of it.    I would much rather believe that in the past we have had racist- homophobic leaders, than believe that my GOD is racist and homophobic.

Our church has no Monopoly on goodness, or on having a relationship with our Heavenly parents or Jesus Christ, or on personal revelation.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf said “We openly acknowledge that in nearly 200 years of church history — along with an uninterrupted line of inspired, honorable and divine events — there have been some things said and done that could cause people to question.To be perfectly frank, there have been times when members or leaders in the church have simply made mistakes. There may have been things said or done that were not in harmony with our values, principles or doctrine...God is perfect and his doctrine is pure, he said, but human beings — including church leaders — are not."

D. Todd Christofferson said "In the Church today, just as anciently, establishing the doctrine of Christ or correcting doctrinal deviations is a matter of divine revelation."

I just renewed my temple recommend.  Seems my bishop and stake pres have been reading my blog and wonder about my "issues" with the brethren.  I told them that I have faith in my Savior Jesus Christ.  I don't have to have complete faith in the Prophet.  I believe he is leading this church the best he can, and just because he was made prophet doesn't mean he loses his free agency.  It doesn't mean he becomes a puppet and God is a puppet master.  This would go against everything we fought for in the pre-existence.  

So.... with all of that......where does my testimony lie? Mine lies in my Savior Jesus Christ and His grace.  It lies in the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and what I learn about my Savior and His Atonement in it. This anchors me and keeps me All In even when some parts of my religion I continue to question. 

Fathers Day

We celebrated Wayne and all the dad's with a Fathers Day BBQ in Landon and Alex's backyard.  

Wayne received a very accurate Papa shirt, and many things for grilling on his Traeger including gloves, spices and rubs!

I love watching my boys be fathers.  Monson, Addison, Landon, and my bonus son Alex all do a great job at it.  They are helpful to their spouses, changing diapers and attending to the menial things, and also being tender when they need to be and teaching lessons and loving.  IT's such a gift to see this love extended to all of our grandchildren.

We celebrated with Alex's parents as well.  They came out and wore masks and kept a good distance for fear of covid, but it was still good to talk to them.  Alan Buzelli got a Vovo shirt which is grandfather in Portuguese.  

Wayne is an amazing dad.  He's kind and patient, and will do anything and go out of his way to help all of his children.  He lives the gospel and is a wonderful Christ-like example. 

Our cute Friend Paula Carlson came too.  We love her grounding presence. 

I’ve been thinking about my dad today.  I am so blessed to have him as a father.  My father taught me so much when he wasn’t trying to teach.  I learned things at odd moments.   

He was a man of his time where he worked and mom stayed home and taught dance classes in the garage.  But Dad was always the breakfast cook.  He was chipper in the morning and serving up oatmeal, malt- meal, eggs and toast or pancakes.  We had to beg for cereal.  He always laid out our vitamins and fluoride pills every morning as well.   

Then when I went to HS, mom finished college and worked more hours as a full-time teacher, Dad really stepped up.  He was so pleased with his Sheri and all she was doing. She drove him nuts and  He loved to admire her.  

Dad had to learn to be okay with a busy, passionate wife. She was doing productions and dragging him into them.  He was a background guy...until he wasn’t.   He loved to sing the part of Jacob Marley for 40 years…. “I wear a chain.”  

Dad tried to learn a language.  When RosaLinda from Mexico stayed at his home for a year, he did his best to learn a bit of Spanish.  He really only said a few spanish words really loud.  But he tried.  

Dad always had us work before we played on all of the summer holidays and Saturday.  Always morning glory to pull out of the bushes, and weeds to pull. 

Dad always talked about his “flexible Schedule”  which he would tout as soon as we pulled out of the driveway for any boating day, or vacation.  

Dad loved growing, picking and eating tomatoes.  HE was so excited to get one sliced up and put on white bread with mayo, salt and pepper.   I can see his delighted face around all of this.

These random thoughts are flooding my memory.   Such odd, little snippets of Dad wisdom that taught me a lot. 

Need for Change and Respect

We are in the middle of the largest civil rights movement in our generation.

This is our chance to get it right. 

So.......

Why is racism still up for debate?  Why do so many get so defensive about it?   Why is it political?  This is a human rights issue. 

We have many marginalized groups that are aching for policy change and hearts to change in our society. 

Just like there was no change for women’s rights until men got on board, there will be no change in ending racism until whites get on board.   The ones in power ( white people-which, by the way, is a social construct in and of itself)  need to recognize the need for and allow change to happen.  

The word Respect actually has Latin roots that mean  - “Re- see”… to see again as if the for the 1st time.  Let’s stop our practiced thoughts,  and really see what’s going on with Black lives.  Only then we can change. Then we can have respect for all of God’s children.

Many of my white friends don’t get it or refuse to see and listen.  

It’s hypocritical and blind to think we don’t need to change and all is well.

It’s a luxury to speak out and condemn the protestors…because your day to day life goes on as usual.  

People with power, people in power don’t want to change the status quo because it works for them.

Instead, of looking the other way, or wishing things could just return to normal, we need to:

Learn

Study

Understand

Change our minds

Educate ourselves

Stop politicizing

Listen

Love

Mourn with those who are mourning and comfort those who stand in need of comfort.

This is true for Black lives. This is true for Trans lives. This is true for Gay lives and Lesbian lives. This is true of Immigrant's lives. This is true for Special needs lives and Hearing-impaired lives and any marginalized group that is out there.

No change of heart or policy change will happen until the "un-affected" majority gets on board!

And just posting/saying a scripture or a spiritual quote on this issue is not the solution.  YES…we need to be reminded of that, and then we also need to go and DO.  

Laila's Pepperfox pics

Laila and Bre had a fun time at this shoot..  There were so many good ones, I couldn't choose.

Take a stand!

It's Pride month where I'm usually all about talking about, posting about, sharing ideas for how to lift and love our LGBTQ people...and then I got inspired to put on an anti-racist rally to support and recognize Black lives matter and that racism is still rampant in our society....and then Laila had vulgar and crude racial slurs aimed at her just two days ago....and there are so many issues that I feel passionate about.  

So many marginalized groups that need policy change and hearts to change in our society. 

BUT really my battles are all about the same thing.  

They all represent one issue- the dignity and rights of human beings.

As long as some are still being beaten up for who they are on the playground, I'm taking a stand!

I care and I'm talking about it no matter how awkward the conversation.  

 

Anti-racism starts at home Rally

The ANTI-racism rally in Bountiful went great!  I didn’t know really how this was going to go down.  We were hoping for 50-500 people and we got around 500.  Most everyone wore a mask- which was great , but I truly couldn’t tell who I was talking to.    I advertised and posted on SM all week and passed out flyers and hung up posters.  It was exhausting fighting the “I can’t come to your rally because I’m pro-police” argument.  And “I don’t align with Black Lives Matter Organization, so I’m not coming.”  I just look at these people and say so you're okay with racism in our society, because that’s what the rally is against.   Yes BLM is an organization, but they don’t own these words.  Black Lives Matter is also a social justice movement.  If you believe racism is still happening in our society then I would hope you join the movement.  (You get the idea.)   We don’t you have to pick either or.-- we can be both and.   

We were setting up before the rally and as soon as our Black Lives Matter sign went up-- cars driving past would honk and cheer.  We also got a few cars with people hanging out their windows swearing at us and shouting All lives Matter.  We just smiled and waved back and said "glad you agree black lives matter then.."

At the Rally- my dear friend , Pat OBerg spoke on the racism she has experienced in her life growing up in segregated Kentucky and being one of 3 black kids bussed to a white school and how difficult it was.  She was so great speaking up for all people. “ When one of us hurts, we all hurt.”  We had a band volunteer to play and they did amazing, and set the rally atmosphere.  We had 250 pieces of cardboard and paints etc.. to make signs with.  We had a lot of kids there.   

We had the Bountiful Police represented with the assistant police chief speaking on what changes Bountiful police making with the black lives matter movement.   

It was so good.  We had a huge contingent of marchers walking and shouting…”Anti racism starts at home.”  I was so proud of how the community came together to unite.

I was so grateful so many family members,  ( Addison and Bre’s fam, Monson and LExi’s fam, Landon, Becca and Casey Call fam, Rachel and Nao Lara fam, Jenna Cole, Mark and Jill Welch Fam, Tami and Rob Madsen )   All came and RALLIED!

The sad part is a few hours before the rally I received a text from Laila from her work at Smith’s saying she was in the break room crying because some rude customer was yelling at the pharmacy staff vulgar racial slurs.   So if people think racism is a thing of the past….it’s NOT!  

 ( The  pharmacist stood up for his staff and told the guy he wasn’t allowed to speak to his workers like that, to get out of the store and they wouldn’t be filling his prescription now or ever!)

This is my Instagram post: The anti-racism rally was a success!! Bountiful came out in droves!! So grateful to family and friends who supported this effort. ❤️ So grateful for my powerful friend Pat Oberg who taught us. 💜🧡💚💙People came and we changed at least one heart —someone said to me “My parents have never said Black Lives Matter and tonight they did, and I have a black child.”

🙏🏼Change the narrative - teach love, justice, peace and to stand up for the marginalized!

Monson and Lexi came up from Saratoga Springs to support this cause and teach their children.  They asked Tayla if she wanted to do this and she said yes and wrote her own sign-- Just Be Nice!   

My committee was amazing.  Rachel Oberg, Me, Maddi Belnap, Ari Aki, Michelle Wood, Emile Dahl.

Addison's family came out in force.    He shared this on his FB page:  

Anti-racism starts at home! My kids will know where I stand! We’ve got to change the world even if it’s one heart at a time!

You may think- Why Bountiful Utah? Why Davis county? Well thanks for asking- I’LL TELL YOU WHY- because the last time my Black sister born and raised in Bountiful faced horrible racism was TODAY, and it’s not going to be the last. Just because you’ve never experienced it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening right under your nose. We need a change for people of color in our society and I’m going to stand with them and fight for it. 

Change your mind

This is my dad holding his last two grandchildren. When Laila became ours he was so thrilled to have some “color” added to our family tree. Dad grew up in segregated America; he served a Southern states mission for our church in the 1950’s and served in the Korean War stationed in Georgia. For a white farmer from Fairview, Idaho it was a lot. Racism was the air he breathed. Dad wasn’t always so open and inclusive as he became the last twenty years of his life. Like all of us he had implicit biases that he needed to confront.

🙏🏼

When speaking about race later in life, he would call himself “Colorblind” thinking this was a good thing. Now I believe Dad would change his mind about this too. 💙💛🧡💜 If you look around and all you see is one color of skin…it’s easy to fall back on, “I’m not racist, I’m color blind.” But that’s not really true.

Challenge your assumptions.

Instead of trying to be color blind, we should love all parts of every person and learn to honor the differences! I believe that by truly seeing one another, miracles will come.


We need to get comfortable at being uncomfortable with the conversation about race.

My LIFE is not made harder because of the color of my skin. My black friend Kellon’s is. My brown daughter Laila runs into it at work on the daily. 😞


Change your mind.

BLM rally

This week I went into a Black Lives Matter rally in SLC with my friend Michelle Wood, and on our return, we said we needed to do something here in Bountiful...so we are Next Friday, June 19th. We got a quick committee together, (Emilee Belnap Dahl, Maddi Belnap, Rachel Simmons Oberg, Michelle and Ari Wood and myself) got permits from Bountiful City and we are holding a family-friendly rally with sign making, motivational speaker, and march. We received donations of money, time, and equipment to make it all happen. We named ourselves Friends of Justice and our motto is Anti-racism starts at Home. ( Addison did the artwork for us) We want our next generation to know that if something is wrong in our community we have the right to protest and have our voices heard in an effort to fix it. Our purpose is to encourage community support of anti-racism, provide resources to learn about how to combat racism starting at home, and to demonstrate community unity in these efforts. We will probably say and do a lot of things wrong here, but at least we are trying to do something to change the narrative.


I’m proud of the millennials in my life and on my committee-- they are so much more inclusive than my generation. So many my age keep posting All Lives Matter--- not even trying to understand the issue. Yes, All lives matter-- your life has always mattered. Black lives have not. Remember??? Jesus left the 99 sheep to go in search of and help the 1 sheep - who’s life was in danger!!! 

We are our brothers keeper!


What I don’t understand is why some people believe that if you say black lives matter, it means you don’t support the police. It’s a BOTH /AND. ( Although I do believe that we need police reform-  cop cameras that don't turn off, more  $ to education and psych evaluations, and less $ toward tear gas and military-grade weapons. )

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Rainbow Party for PRIDE

We celebrated Family Pride with a Rainbow party. With no official pride parade and party because of covid/19, we had our own.

We all wore rainbow clothes and ate a colorful spread of rainbow veggies, fruits, skittles, muddy buddies and Play-dough ice cream.

Because we range in grandkid age from six months to 13 years, Landon read us a color book on how important each color is. Then we read about Gay activist Harvey Milk and how the Pride flag originated. ( we were going to march around the block with our pride flags but it was a down pour—maybe next year)

We all painted rainbow canvases for our rooms and message rocks of love and hope to hide around our neighborhood to brighten someone’s day who finds it. ( The 2 year olds lasted for 15 minutes painting and made a mess. Our 13 year old painted for 2 hours)

We sang rainbow songs and had a Meema and 4 littles dance party. It was a ton of fun.

We do all of this in an effort to open up hearts and conversations around inclusion and sexuality. Loving everyone and not judging.

We don’t love our kids no matter who they are we love them because they are exactly who they are.

Wayne and I choose faith and love in our home. We love our LGBTQ family members, we love our unconditional family, we love the gospel of Jesus Christ, we love the LDS faith, we love our Savior. We do not have to choose either/or; we can have both/ and.

I have hope that all will be loved and accepted for who they are. That all will feel a sense of belonging. For that is the way the Savior loved and lived. Maybe one day, there won’t need to be a pride flag.