Last Summer Hurrah

Well summer is officially over around here and school has begun.  I didn’t make it to Morley’s pool enough or Butters pool enough or really any pool enough for me this summer.  Just weird days.   

We tried one last hurrah at Jordanelle Reservoir on Saturday with Alex and Landon’s family and Monson and Lexi’s family.    

It was fun to be outside in the sunshine and in the water, but we only lasted 4 hours since the wind whipped up and broke the Buzelli’s shade and made it miserable-- still a bad day outside is better than a day stuck in front of a computer. 

Nelson Call is married!

 

Nelson Call got married on Friday and it was a sweet day.  He and Andrea were married in the Ogden Temple and they said Marcie’s spirit was strong.  There was a ring ceremony, dinner and dancing for 50 of us after that.  It was small because of COVID-- but nice.   There were a lot of tears shared over a missing mother-- and Gary said sweet things about Nelson and Marcie’s wants and hopes for him.  And we all cried.  It’s been 5 years this month since she passed away.  It seems unreal still in so many ways.    Cousins Becca and Rachel (Cole ) made a gorgeous cake.   They played Marcie’s favorite song, Chicago’s “Saturday in the Park” to kick off the dance party.  It was a beautiful, fun evening.

Becca, Megan, Melinda, Rachel and Jenna

Anti Racist club notes for August

For our August meeting, Landon had us watch James Baldwin's- I'm not your negro.  James Baldwin was friends with many key players in the civil rights movement of the 50's and 60's.  

Medgar Evers 

Martin Luther King Jr

Malcolm X

He was the only one of these men that didn't get killed. 

This documentary is filled with historical images and video with a voice over of what James wrote looking back on his life in 1978.    IT's interesting to see who is on the "right" side of history as you hear so many voices and faces screaming white supremacy type words and actions.   I like to think my family would be with the ones sitting at the counters, boycotting the busses, keeping our children in an integrated school, and standing for our black brothers and sisters back then.

“If we want America to fully live up to its ideals, we have to tell an unapologetic interpretation of America's history, told from those who were on the ground to experience it.” - James Baldwn.

James Baldwin:  “You are personally responsible for becoming more ethical than the society you grew up in.  “

As we meet once a month on Zoom, we continue to learn from each other and want change in our community and country. 

Here are some random thoughts we discussed:

How can we be good Allies?  Truly our lives are fine, but we are our brother's keeper and we need to take care of ourselves so we can engage with others in a positive way. 

We continue to post and question and try to push privileged people’s beliefs a little.    

My son's recent rebuttal to a “there is no racism in our country. If you work hard you succeed" - comment on one of his posts:  

“The systems in place in this country are racist. We still have a long way to go! I’ll watch that Uncle Tom documentary if you’ll go and watch the 13th documentary- it shows it's not a partisan issue. 

White people are very captivated by black agents of white supremacy like Candace Owens and the Hodge twins. It makes us feel like nothing is wrong- and, I get it- we make the assumption that because they are black people who agree with white supremacy and a racist system that they are the BEST people to follow.  86% of black people agree that racism is a systemic issue- it’s hard to get 86% of a group to agree on anything- so I choose to believe and follow them rather than the select few that make white people feel comfortable.”

 “Most people do not see things as they ARE, they see things as THEY are.” - Richard Rohr

Monson:  Heroes in our movies- if white like John Wayne then would automatically be a hero.  Black or Indigenous people portrayed as the villain or the bad guy. Media represents All white as good and Black as less than. 

Bre:  Shared talking to family friends and the teenagers and parents saying,  "How come they never taught us this?"    Who is they?? It’s no one’s job to tell you the truth or history of our country, especially now with information overload.  The challenge now is to make sure you are getting your history and news from sources who don't take sides and just report what happened.  

Landon: What can we do? 

Reach out on the local level.  Ask the Police, Mayors, Elected officials where are the racial disparities?  Who is making the decisions and who isn't represented?  This may make others uncomfortable, and that's the point.   AND WE NEED TO VOTE. 

 

Tru:  Police brutality still happening. Why is it no big deal???  Why have we normalized this violence?

Wayne:  The rioting hijacks the narrative for social change. It's random "edge" people on both sides who keep up the terror and destruction, like the 17-year-old kid who went to the third night of the protests/riots in Kenosh, WI who showed up with a semi-automatic rifle and killed two people.  

Being an ALLY feels hard at times, but this rule is good to remember when posting, commenting, etc... it's the 20/60/20 rule.

20% of the people will be on your side— committed to change and love and a growth mindset. 20% will be fixed in what they believe with little or no chance of changing them.  BUT there is the 60% in the middle who we have a possibility of giving new ideas and ways to think about life.    So when I’m commenting to the fixed 20% I’m never trying to change them…. I’m preaching to the 60% who may read it and think.. “Huh, I’ve never thought about it like that before… interesting…. you might be right.”  

It's always good to get together and have these discussions.  It's always a little hard and tender for Laila.  She really feels all of this deeply.   We are trying to stay in a growth mindset. We continue to feel we are on the "right" side of history around all of it.

Tru is in charge for September.  

How to be a strong ALLY

I’ve been an ally in the LGBTQ space for years and now in the Black Lives Matter space.  

And some times it feels like a lot.  

I’ve had to work on managing my physical and psychological care to stay an involved, strong ally.  

SO

When life gets hard and the opinions of others are contrary and being an ALLY for LGBTQ or BIPOC is exhausting and it all feels like climbing a huge mountain-  here are some ideas on how to GROW yourself to meet the challenge. 

Work on giving others a lot of grace.  Move into curiosity and compassion towards people. Think to yourself…. “That’s so interesting they think like that. They are having different life experiences than me.   If they had my life they would talk and act like me.   We are all just flawed humans.”  I am here to advocate for my people and the LORD knows my heart and I trust that he has this all figured out.

There is a 20/60/20 rule that is good to think about when being an ALLY.   20% of the people will be on your side— committed to change and love and a growth mindset. 20% will be fixed in what they believe with little or no chance of changing them.  BUT there is 60% in the middle who we have a possibility of giving new ideas and ways to think about life.    So when I’m commenting to the fixed 20% I’m never trying to change them…. I’m preaching to the 60% who may read it and think... “Huh, I’ve never thought about it like that before… interesting…. you might be right.”  

Feelings come from thoughts, and feelings are vibrations felt in your body.  When thinking hateful, judgmental, discouraging thoughts about others or situations or comments then YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS TO FEEL THIS.  

It’s not worth it to feel icky all the time so really work on love, grace, curiosity, and compassionate thoughts for all involved, including yourself. 

It’s hard to “fight the good fight” when you don’t take care of yourself.  Do the fundamentals: Self-care, sleep, move,  breathe, water, eat healthily, pray, meditate.  Physiology then psychology.  

It’s hard to talk about limiting beliefs and changing thoughts when you don’t physically feel good. 

Do what you have control over.  

Control the controllables.  

You don’t have control over other people and their comments and actions, you only have control over you, your thoughts and well being.

.

We can’t give up. We still have so far to go 

Temple walk with YSA

 

Bishop Wayne, Mackay Wood, Blake Keuhne, Caleb Maynard.

We have not had activities with our YSA since March.  It's been difficult, but we decided it was time to do outside gatherings, walks and hikes.  We had a group hike up above the Bountiful Temple and another slower group just walk around the temple.  It was good to be together and at least do something.  This pandemic is really unusual for all of us to know how to navigate.   We love serving in the YSA. 

Jasmine Porter and sister, Sarah Wilson , Bishop Wayne and Blake Keuhne. ... and a SHARK!

What does it mean to be part of this family?

A text convo:  

Wayne:  It means we will all be loved no matter what.

Laila:  You're there for each other.

Lexi:  You are accepted for you, always.

Addison:  It means having grandma Welch's eyes and Grandpa Welch's hair( unless you're Truman, Lail or an in-law). Expressing vocally what we love and admire about each other on our birthdays.  Making an effort to visit family and loved ones on Sundays.  Singing, "were you there" on Christmas eve.  Saying yes to playing games and making memories with each other even when we don't really feel like it. AND.. NOt forcing people to do things they don't feel like doing.  Believing people are more important than things.  Being interested and knowledgeable about each other and how we tick - COor code, love language, enneagram, and loving and accepting this group of people no matter what their politics, gender, sexuality, etc....are and spreading that love outward.  

Landon:  It means all Addison said and all everyone else said.  IT also means never having to worry about being myself.  It means I know who I am, where I come from and am able to dream about a brighter future because all of the love and support I'll ever need is always there and readily available.  And it means having besties always and forever and no matter what. 

Bre:  It means I have a team who I know are rooting for me, and who I root for.  Laughing at and accepting our sometimes shared weaknesses and shortcomings and celebrating each other's successes.

Addison:  We rise above the turkeys and go to Bear Lake in the summer. 

What's water?

There is an old, wise fish swimming by two young fish and he asks… “How’s the water?”  The young fish looks to his companion and says, “What’s water?”   - David Foster Wallace

 The most obvious,  important realities are often the most difficult to talk about. 

 Most of us live pretty good lives.  We don’t even know we are living in white privilege water until someone points it out.   THEN we get uncomfortable and deny and refuse to see it. 

In our WP lives……we have good interactions with police officers and authority.  We aren’t automatically judged or categorized by the color of our skin.   We have positive, relaxed vibes at stores and with salespeople.   Our schools work and we have updated materials and technology. We see people in movies and on tv and in ads that look like us.  We don’t have racial slurs and comments targeted at us like, “In our country we ….”   Or.  “Go back where you came from.”      (Both said to my BIPOC friend recently.  She is born and raised in Utah.) 

Oh don’t get me wrong, we have frustrations and we have to deal with crap sometimes, but for the most part, the system works for us.   We don’t have to be conscious of other people’s difficult, less than lives because it doesn’t affect us.   

We can stay unaware of others well being,  or we can move into willful awareness and work on our empathy.  

Here is where the world of CHOOSING comes into play.  

If I don’t make a conscious decision about what to think and what to pay attention to…because my natural default setting is to just think and worry about me and mine, then  I’m really good at moving to “how annoying others are, how deeply wrong it is that black people are angry and destroying things and protesting and can’t they just get over it already and move on or at least say it nicer…..I mean don’t they know they are hurting their own cause? And I can't help the past, why am I being blamed for it, and what's the big deal about  Aunt Jemimah syrup or Thomas Jefferson, I mean really?”     

There are other ways to think about all of this…but it takes moving into your higher brain. You have to choose it.   IT takes will and effort to think about other people and especially people who have been “othered.”  

BUT

As you work on it you can offer curiosity and compassion instead of disdain and judgment.   

“Maybe my black/brown brother or sister’s life really is different than mine in some ways.  Maybe there are places where it is harder and unfair.  Maybe if I lived their reality I would be angry too.  Maybe I would want changes in policing,  the prison system, wealth gaps, school funding, voter suppression, and health care.  Maybe I would want to find children's books and toys and tv programs that show people who look like me.“  

Maybe?

Some days you won’t be able to do it.

But some days… on your more evolved, love one another, we are all children of God days… you can offer curiosity and compassion.

The only thing TRUE is you get to decide what to think about it all.  SO….. CHOOSE thoughts that help you move into curiosity and compassion.  

The alternative is unconscious, self-centered living that just keeps the world moving and working for you in your white privileged water, but not for everyone.    

When we open our eyes and thoughts to the “least of these,” we all benefit.  

Everyone rises.   

Cabin Time 2020

We just got back from a 3 day Welch fam Cabin trip. It was great to be at the family cabin again.  Our last time there was Labor Day 2017.  It’s been too long.  Wayne’s bishoping and life just got in the way, and our summers got away from us...anyway ...it was fun to be back.  We love riding all over the dirt trails on 4 wheelers. SO grateful the Madsen's are so willing to let us use them.

The grandkids LOVED it!.

We just had a great time hanging out, playing games, Sophia and Alfie and I had 2 “cabin miracles” playing the card game Trash-- and we celebrated loud and hard with a dance party.  We had two nights of S'mores.... and campfire singing... we are really good at "running over" "You are my sunshine" "let it go" and "I am a child of God"

-- We also loved not being on our phones, eating junk food, riding around, and canoeing.  Laila took Jet up as well, and he was in DOG heaven.  He ran and ran and had his first experience of trying the water and swimming.  HE would shake off all over the canoe spectators, so everyone got wet. The canoes were a big grandkid hit-- but Andrew especially loved them. 

Sophia had us all make a movie called “Lost in the woods” and Wayne was the evil guard who worked for the evil witch- Melinda… who had cast a spell on all these travelers lost in the woods.  We were all in it-- except Alex who volunteered his camera skills.  Sophia did a great job with our 8-minute movie. 

We walked to the “rock-throwing place”  where all of the littles would go and throw rocks which started 27 years ago.  Alfie and Tayla loved it…. I tried to remember some of the funny songs we would sing as we walked and shared those too like, “let me see your funky chicken...what’s that you say?”  AND when Lady asked to be picked up and carried on the walk, I told her what I always told 2-year-old Monson-- “it’s a walk, not a carry.”  She just looked confused.  Of course Lady is so light weight, she is easy to carry.

Bre brought up her nail painting stuff and all of us got our nails done, and we all did the Sour Ball challenge to see who could keep a straight face with all of the sour in their mouth. Alfie was the only winner. It didn't even phase him.

Wayne came down on Saturday night because he had to be at church in the morning, then he drove back up and packed us all up and we got home on Sunday afternoon.  

I’m counting my blessings that I get to have 7 grandkids that all live close that can come and play with me all weekend.  They are a joy!