Heroes

My heroes growing up were varied.  Most were from television, sports or music.
Wonder Woman with her gold arm bands, lasso of truth, invisible airplane and awesome hair.   She fought the bad guys, saved the world and looked great doing it.
Barbara Streisand--I wanted to sound just like her and play in  all of the  musical theatre roles she played.  
Mark Spitz- Olympic swimmer with all of the medals.  We watched and wondered at what a great swimmer he was, then we tried to be him in Grandma Butters' swimming pool, racing across the water and practicing our butterfly stroke.   
Donny and Marie who were a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll.  We watched their show religiously and bought all of the purple clothing items offered in Tiger beat magazine. (I just got tickets to their Las Vegas show for this coming September and I'm THRILLED-- a child hood dream come true to see them live and in person)

There is more to being a hero than just admiring someone. 


"Hero” is defined as “a person noted for courageous acts or nobility of character; a person who, in the opinion of others, has special achievements, abilities, or personal qualities and is regarded as a role model or ideal.” 
A beloved book, that I've read numerous times, beginning in the 5th grade when I received it as a gift for my birthday is "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten boom.  It's an autobiography about World War II and Corrie Ten boom being held in a concentration camp for helping a jewish family hide in her home.  It's stirring and heroic about life and forgiveness.  It's stayed with me. I often wonder if I would be as good or as courageous as my hero Corrie Ten Boom?  She set a high bar.

Given these definitions, yes, I have some other heroes. —


Another hero is Sariah, Lehi's wife from the Book of Mormon.  She is pretty amazing and I can really relate to her.  She was dragged into the wilderness with her family because she was obedient to her husband's wishes.  She had to camp for years- my idea of hell- and even had two more  children in the wilderness and only be able to eat raw meat.   She traveled across the ocean to the promised land. She had children who fought and were really mean to each other, who disagreed on how life and religion worked for them. She had her own faith struggles, questioning her husband and the Lord.  She stayed true and loved her husband and endured to the end.  This is a huge heroic saga.  Sariah is only one of three women ( The other two are Isabel- Corianton's harlot and Abish) who's stories  and names we know in the Book of Mormon.  ( There are three others, Eve Sarah and Mary - who are mentioned in passing).  This was a time when women were second class citizens and to even have their names known was a big deal.  So proud of Sariah and her journey that inspires me and keeps me going in my own faith.

Another historical hero is Rosa Parks.  She was tired so she sat down and kept her seat on a bus.  She was tired of the separate but "equal" system, tired of being put down because of her skin color and she was really the impetus for the civil rights movement that started in the 50's and really continues to this day.  I'm grateful that she endured difficult times, systems and people so my Laila and others could have so much more.

I really find so many of my heroes with in my family and friend circles.  People who have gone through difficult trials and circumstances and have kept grateful attitudes and growth.  People who get that life is 50/50.  It's full of difficult struggles and beautiful, lovely times.  It's called the human experience and Corrie Ten Boom, Sariah and Rosa Parks all embodied this.

My sister Marcie  fits in this category too.   She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer the first part of May 2015 and was in heaven 3 1/2 months later.  She endured gracefully and gratefully. It was a rollercoaster of emotion filled with deep struggle and heightened highs.  She had so much hope and was courageous and inspiring up until the end.  A noble daughter of God. (It's her 58th birthday today but she only got to see 54 of these.)

I have now realized I don't have to look far for my heroes.   That today my heroes sit on benches with me at sacrament meeting, work with me in my callings and job,  and surround my kitchen table.

Woman with the Alabaster box

Come Follow Me  family study is going well for us.  (This is after a pretty dismal start between Wayne, Laila and me that ended with tears and high emotion.) We are following Emily Belle Freeman's video helps each week that can be found on youtube called, Don't Miss This.  It's really been beneficial to hear from two institute teachers, who love the New Testament, their extra insight on life and times of that day.

In Luke 7: 36-47 we learn about a woman who shows up at a Pharisee's home with her alabaster box  and begins weeping and washing Jesus feet with her tears and wiping them with her hair.  She kisses his feet and anoints them with ointment.  Simon the Pharisee is appalled because this woman is a sinner and Jesus is letting her touch him.  Jesus answers him with a parable about forgiveness.    One debtor owed the creditor five hundred pence and the other fifty pence, and the creditor forgave both of the debts.  He then asked which loved the creditor more?  Simon answers, " the the one to whom he forgave the most.  "  Jesus then said, (vs. 47)  "I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much; but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little."   I was so touched by this.

Love and forgiveness are so tied together.  Does forgiveness come from Love or does Love come from forgiveness?
My not forgiving someone of their trespass or my holding a grudge is like what Nelson Mandela once said,  is me drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  Only I feel the negativity of it.  Only I ruminate and have thoughts about it.
My withholding of love and forgiveness only hurts me.
We forgive for us.
We love for us.
Jesus knew this- and taught it in a myriad of ways.

36th Anniversary

36 random things I love about us....

1.  We enjoy each others company

2.  We make each other laugh

3.  We bike ride together

4.  We go on diets together

5.  We go off diets together

6.  We are "all in " the gospel 

7.  We raised five children

8.  We made it through four births

9......and one adoption

10.  We love to travel

11.  We do plays together

12.  We love our parents and siblings

13.  We enjoy family time

14.  We have been to 36 Bear Lakes together

15.  We love dark chocolate

16.  We make delicious soup

17.  We make awesome roast and mashed potatoes

18.  We have been through financial ups and downs

19.  We play games

20.  We enjoy movies

21.  We have each other's back--

22.  We can eat a whole bucket of movie theatre popcorn

23.  We have couple prayer

24.  We love to read

25.  We can eat a whole bucket of theatre popcorn

26.  We plan awesome vacations

27.  We go on walks

28.  We know couple time is important

29.  We are growing old together

30 . We serve in callings together

31.  We help our children

32.  We love being grandparents

33.  We are secure in each other's love

34.  We write love notes 

35.  We forgive

36.  We love

Trees need Wind

I've walked past this tree for years.  I'm always impressed at the shape it has grown in.  Obviously when it was a young tree the wind came and really changed the angle and trajectory of this tree's growth, but the tree held on through the wind and was determined to thrive and eventually straightened back out.  Quite the struggle.  

I love the story of the ecosystem (Biosphere) that scientists created in the 80s and 90s.  It was to help research how to create sustainable life in space.  It was a perfect environment with healthy vegetation and rich soil. But the trees couldn’t seem to mature the way they had hoped.  After some research, they realized the problem was that the biosphere didn’t have wind. Trees need wind to help firm up their roots so they have to dig down deep.  It helps make them stronger and live a longer tree life.

We need wind in our lives. 
It's the struggle and the wrestle that makes us dig down deep and become stronger people.  

I shielded too much wind from my children.
I fought too many of my boys battles.
I carried too many of their feelings-- when they were sad I was sad, when they were mad I was mad.  
I took away so much of their agency.  I told them how and what they should be.  Should go to church.  Should go to school.   Should get good grades.  Should try out for this. Should act this way.  I "should" on my boys a lot.  

I'm down to my last teen ager and here's what I know, we are definitely raising Laila different than we did her four older brothers.  We raised them in a herd with firmer curfews, rules, chores and consequences, but not so much agency.  With Laila we are much more free form, less stressed and negotiations happen all of the time around here.  

There is much more wind in Laila's life than I ever allowed in my boys lives during this same high school time period.  They received the wind/struggle a different way while on their missions, in college or when they left home.  It would have been more helpful to them had I allowed their struggle sooner.  Let them fail more when the risk  wasn't as high while they were still under my roof, like in high school classes, church, with their grades, teams and friends.

I have learned, after very rocky jr. high Laila years to let go and let love.  To let Laila be Laila. Here's what that looks like:
I dropped the "Laila manual" and got rid of the shoulds.  We still have rules and consequences because she lives in our home, but there isn't so much emotion tied into it.  Just," Oh, you missed curfew, turn over your keys."  She knows and we know. 
Laila needs to carry her own feelings.  I see her being sad or mad or discouraged, and I don't need to mirror it. I just need to "hold space" for this and not let it mean anything about me when she's lashing out. Her feelings are about her and her thoughts. And....she doesn't need to be happy all of the time.
I don't need to fight her battles. If she doesn't make the cheer squad, or fails a choir try out, or forgets homework, or has to figure out what to do if she misses too many classes or has too many tardies, or has a fight with a friend ....I stay out of it and leave it in her court. 

This is all good WIND for her.  She has to dig deep, she becomes stronger and turns into a more thriving, confident Laila, sturdy like a tree.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

 We had our GREEN dinner for St. Patrick's day-- Roast beef with Mashed potatoes, peas, zucchini, green rolls, green salad and green Rice Krispie treats with Green peeps for dessert.
We went around the table and everyone had to say why they were LUCKY-- it was really a gratitude practice spin.
I love me a reason to party and I love that my grand kids will dress up and be silly with me. I colored the toilet water green before they came and Tayla could not get over it.  It was magical!  I'm definitely LUCKY to have the family I have.

I Marie Kondo'd

 My closet is a wreck and every day I write down that I'm organized and my home is decluttered as a way to inspire me.  Well today was the day!  I emptied out my closet- said Thank you for my space and was filled with gratitude that I even had a closet to clean out.  I did what Marie Kondo said and cleared EVERYTHING out of my closet and put it on my bed and started.

With each item I held it up and asked myself if it brought me joy or not- then I put it in the closet if it did or in the DI bag if it didn't.  It worked!

 I have 85 empty hangers, which means I got rid of atleast 85 items that were hanging up and I also got rid of shoes and scarves and accessories etc..

 It really feels so good.  It's hard to tell on the after, but there is now space between my hangers and everything is not so crammed in there. 

After I Marie Kondo'd

I'm smiling since I cleared out my closet!  Now on to the bathroom cupboard.....

What are you doing RIGHT now?

 Wayne is in St. George biking with some of his BBB's at a bike bootcamp.  They are getting shape and riding long and hard.

 Monson is at work, Lady is sleeping....but Tayla and Lexi are playing!

 Landon just finished work at Convergys for the week. He is working long and hard til he finishes hair school the end of May.  He works 40 hours and does school for 40 hours.   He's tired.

 Bre, Addison, Alfie and Poppy are at the Kaysville theatre at a matinee of Spiderman Spiderverse movie.

 Truman is checking out his new solo apartment with his friend Mars.  This will be the first time he's lived on his own and he's excited!

 Andrew and Sophia just got home from school.  They are happy for a weekend! Alex took the picture.

Melinda is driving home from a school field trip to Seaquest Aquarium.   (Laila is at school and doesn't want to play)

Change your mind

I used to be soooo afraid of spiders. Then I changed my mind.

If there was a spider in my house, I would jump on the bed or couch, scream and make someone else ( my dad or Wayne) remove the spider.  This worked okay until I started having my own children and then all of us would scream and jump on the couch and be pretty immobile, because no one was there to get rid of the spider.  Ridiculous.  So.... I just changed my mind.  I tell myself that I'm a million times bigger than this spider.....I am the giant and can take control and squash the bug, or collect it and even put it outside.  This new thought serves me so much better.  I teach my kids and now grandkids not to be afraid of spiders either and work on changing their minds about all of this.  None of us are afraid of spiders.   We are not a victim of our thoughts-- we just take care of it.  We are working on mice and snakes as well.

I would also NEVER put my hands in dirty dish water - well that's an impossible way to live.  I changed my mind about this too.

In the book Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss, Sam continues to offer green eggs and ham over and over again to the no named guy who continues to say, "No I do not like green eggs and ham." Then one day he changes his mind and finally tries it.  It was that easy. 
What are my green eggs and ham?

It's worth asking, what am I missing out on in life because of the stories I tell myself about my self?
Here's what I've heard from myself and others....
I'm afraid of spiders.
I'm afraid of being turned down.
I'm afraid of being told no.
I'm not good at making friends.
Making Money is hard.
Losing weight is hard.
I'm messy.
People don't like me.
I don't like crowds.
I don't fly on airplanes.
I don't travel outside the US.
I don't put on a swimsuit.
I don't exercise.
I don't try new things..... I just do the same things over and over.

SO many stories that we could just get over and change our minds about.

The COUSINS take New York!

 Well our first and hopefully annual cousins trip has come to an end. Krystin, Cindy and I had a grand time living it up in NYC. It worked out splendidly. We packed a lot in each day, hit the bed at night totally exhausted and went hard again the next day.

Krystin- funny, quick witted, well traveled, loyal, a great story teller, loves to name brand shop but  hates to hike

Cindy- genuine, silly, accepting, a great listener, game for anything, hasn’t done much travel wise, loves to bargain shop, loves to hike.

I fall somewhere in between these two.

Marcie would have been on this trip with us.....and she was in spirit. I carried around a Coach purse in her honor.

Times Square and Stardust Diner and FREEZING

We lay in our hotel bed laughing each night and put together our favorites from each day.

March 6:

1-Ellen’s Stardust Diner 

2-Times square first time for Cindy- disappointing New Years Ball, 

3- Airlight was straight through! 

4-Stinking, bitter cold weather - we are bundling up in both coats and added scarves.

5-Airport worker who is “over the royal family” 

6-Waiter at Stardust who sang “Mandy” to the astonished woman and threw straws at her.

7-Dance party at Footlocker with Melinda and Cindy while Krystin shopped.

8-Piling all three of us in a revolving door.- we did this every time we came to one. 

9- Learning the waterfall card game - laughing and drinking Diet Coke

Subway cards, 9-11 museum, getting scanned for the One World Trade Center

Searching for Statue of Liberty-- so many options

1 World Trade Center View

China Town for purses and Little Italy for Food

March 7

1- Chinese Stalker-  too our picture then sent video of Me at One World Trade Center

2-Boober guy who tried to get us into his car for $15.00 - uber or taxi or sex trafficker? 

3-Statue of Liberty "God Bless America" song on the Ferry 

4-insomnia cookie -S’mores was the best!

5-9/11 museum 

6-Purses in China town -down back alleys with look outs 

7- Dear Evan Hansen- fabulous 

8- Managing schedules and subway perfectly with little or no lines.

9-Laughing and singing throughout  the day 

10- our dares: pole dancing Cindy, hat wearing Krystin and mannequin mugging Melinda. 

Dear Evan Hansen,  Schmackery Cookies, Dares- a hat for Krystin and Mannequins for me.  

FAO Schwartz, NBC studios and St Pat Cathedral

 March 8

1- FAO Schwartz. Toy shopping- Melinda spent 40, Cindy 90 and Krystin 200+

2- NBC studio tour-Shocked how small Tonight show and SNL stages are. 

3- Mean Girls was fantastic! 

4- St Patrick’s cathedral

5- Ate dinner by ice skating rink at Rockefeller center

6- Krystin dropping all the $$$ at the designer stores

7- Bathroom monitor  at the theatre telling us to hurry up. “ I don’t hear flushing ladies !” 

8- Melinda did own talk show on the NBC tour 

Mean Girls, Theatre district, Saks 5th Ave, NBC tour

The Color Factory

 March 9
1.The Color factory. Stinking fun! Plus they give you treats all along the way: Mochi, candy, raspberry soda, meringues and sorbet
2. Ball pit!
3. Anastasia
4. Shake shack
5. Movie making on Times Square 
6.Revolving doors for three7.
7. Hiking Brooklyn Bridge
8. Saw lady Gaga’s yellow diamond from the Oscars 
9. Masks and girls just wanna have fun video 

The Color Factory

The Color Factory

The Color Factory

The Ball Pit

The Color Factory

Brooklyn Bridge

Graffiti, Central Park, Anastasia, packed in an uber with all of our bags

March 10

1- slept in til 9 am

2-Uber all day because of the rain and we were in dresses and didn’t want to be in the dirty subway anymore

3- Levain cookies

4- Temple/ church. Actually stake conference so we missed a lot of it

5- lunch at Atlantic Grill
6- Our only rainy windy bad weather day

Cindy, Melinda, Krystin masks.....we made funny videos with these faces!

Tear the roof off friends

We were reading in Mark 2:1-12, in the New Testament, last night about Jesus healing the palsied man.  This man couldn't walk, so four of his friends picked up his bed and carried him to meet and be healed by Jesus.  When they got to the home where Jesus was teaching it was packed with people.  There was no room for them.  They didn't let that stop them.  They loved their friend and were determined to help him.  They found stairs that led to the roof and carried their friend up there.  Then they broke through the clay roof and made a hole big enough to finally lower the crippled man's bed into the room and seek Jesus' healing power.   Jesus forgave the man of his sins and he healed his body, then said, "take up thy bed and walk."  Absolute miracle.

I love this story about forgiveness and healing and I also love this story about fierce friendship.  This man was blessed spiritually, physically and emotionally.  But...if they never found Jesus this day, and the crippled body and sins remained, what this palsied man would still have is four amazing friends who really loved him.

I'm blessed to have friends just like this.  These friends come from all parts of my life- family, neighborhoods, ward, work, and theatre.

 I went through a period of intense mourning.  My mom  got cancer and died and I mourned for two years and just when I thought I could breathe again, Marcie at 54 years old, got cancer and within 4 months she died and two weeks after that my dad passed away from kidney failure.  Four foggy years of death and dying and questioning why?   Four years where I didn't feel like me and wondered if I ever would get rid of the heaviness that moved into my body.  Four years of creeping, dark thoughts and being angry at God.  Through all of this my friends were there to take me to lunch, bring me dinners, call and text me, send me a funny card a week through the mail for a year, invite me to walk and exercise, send me funny meme's, give me hugs, invite on over nighters and get aways and just allow the tears to flow and for me to talk about "my people" as long as I needed to.  It was great having this beautiful safety net of friendship. 

When I said Wayne and I were wanting to adopt at 40 years old-- no one said we were crazy.  They offered total support with a baby shower and gifts and love for our little one.
When I said  Wayne and I were going to start riding bikes-- no one laughed, even when they saw me in my biking spandex.
When I said Laila hit her head and is in the hospital and we don't know if she will live-- they were there instantly with prayers and support.
When I said I wanted to be on stage in a show-- they all came and bought tickets and watched me-- or they did the shows with me.
When I said my child is struggling or my child just came out, or my child is addicted-- only love, a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear was given.  Never judgment
When I said here's my book about my children and some life lessons-- they were thrilled to receive it, interested and some even read it.
When I said I was going into Life Coach school -- they all  believed in me and said, well of course that's a perfect fit for you.
When I said my faith is wavering, I'm doubting, or my testimony is not what it used to be-- they shared their own experiences, their examples and helped me feel like it would all be okay.
When I said I have big dreams and plans-- they didn't discourage.

What ever life has thrown at me- not one friend has walked away.  I know if I were sick in my bed and Jesus was coming to my town and I needed to be healed, my friends would carry me to him and tear the roof off if they had to.

I want to be a tear-the-roof-off kind of friend for them.

_______________________________

I'm headed outta town with two of my favorite cousin friends-- Krystin and Cindy.  We are going to take NYC by storm and Wayne just hopes we don't get arrested.  We have known each other and loved each other and have been in each other's lives from day 1 in 1962.   This trip will be epic that's for sure!

Marcie- one day before she passed away- Cindy, Krystin and Me

Deal Breakers

Before I got married, I always said, If my spouse cheats on me that's it. That's my line.  Marriage over.

That would be my deal-breaker. I have since changed my mind.

Wayne and I are friends with some amazing couples.  Two in particular.
Both have dealt with extra marital affairs and have stayed together.  
One has been excommunicated from the LDS church and worked to get
his membership back and came back stronger with a more fervent testimony
than ever before.  One had a child out of the cheating. One has raised a child
that wasn’t hers but made him hers. She just became his second mom.
One felt betrayed and manipulated and saw no justice done to the perpetrator.
 Both changed what their marriage looked like. Both went through difficult,
trying years but were determined to like and then love again. Both have better,
more open and honest relationships now than they ever did when they first
started out.   Both have been together now for over 30 years. They are great
examples to us of love, forgiveness and perseverance. Afterall, we are all just
humans making human mistakes while having human experiences.

So……..

Is it a deal-breaker if your spouse can't hold down a job?

Is it a deal-breaker if your spouse looks at porn?

Is it a deal-breaker if your spouse is permanently “sick”?

Is it a deal-breaker if your spouse leaves the church?

Is it a deal-breaker if your spouse has addictions?

I  can choose to make anything a deal-breaker if I want to.

But also nothing has to be a deal-breaker at all.

Even if I thought so before I got married.

Even if my friends and family think it should be.

Even if  church or society tells me it should be.

I get to decide.

My deal breaker would definitely be around physical/emotional abuse.  That would
not be tolerated, but I can see how the other things listed can.

Since being close friends to these two amazing, loving, best of friends type of
couples, my line has shifted.   I can see how people can come back. I can see how
love wins if you want it to. I can see that we get to love who we want to no matter
what. That’s my kind of deal!