Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Disappointed with ME

I've disappointed myself again.
You would think I could get my act together and lose weight for the past 8 weeks. That's how long I've known I have a show coming up.
I started exercising in earnest. I even wake up at 5:30 atleast 3 days a week to make sure I fit the gym in.
I ate "good" for 3 weeks.
I sat in the theatre last night and watched the other Muzzy on stage, (Muzzy is the part I'm playing) and came to the realization that I'm the chubby one.
It hurt.
I don't know why I didn't see it before....I'm good at living in denial.
I just thought I could get on board the diet train and lose one or two pounds a week and be 15 pounds lighter by opening night.
Didn't happen.
Is not happening.
Why do I care?
I'm so vain..... I know I think that song is about me.
We have to share costumes, and what are loose on her are tight and revealing on me.....AARGH!
What to do?
Every morning I wake up with great resolve and by 10:00am..... I have a chocolate or other sweetie in my mouth
Even as I am crying writing this, I'm munching on Laila's valentine candy.
What is wrong with me?

One day I will start keeping the promises I keep making to myself.
One day seems very far away right now.

I'm going to stop beating up on myself and just move forward.
If you come to see me in the show....just tell me how great I look.

No comments: