Why am I back to square one again when it comes to weight and body issues?
I need to do some internal investigating...and get my head in a better place.
I'm tired of the diet and binge cycle I've been doing for 40 years.
I want to be a good example for daughter Laila of healthy eating
I want to get good/bad food idea out of my head
I want to feel good inside my body and treat body more like a friend, not ignore it.
I need to enjoy life more.
I want to nurture myself ...really become a HAPPY person inside and out.
I was so ready to do this after mom and Marcie's deaths.... they both struggled with weight and it stopped them from getting the most out of life. They both were on diets right up until their last days...what's up with that? When they passed, I said to myself, no more dieting, but I didn't know what else to do. I got in the eat whatever I wanted part...gained a lot of weight, but I never worked on the inner me/self part. Food was a privilege and a punishment. I still felt shame and guilt around eating. I didn't know how to work through my emotional eating and I didn't know ways to begin eating intuitively.
It takes courage to examine a life, my life. Why do I keep turning to food when I'm not hungry? What need is it filling? Why can't I just sit in my emotion, boredom, anxiety, loneliness, etc...and really feel the, and let them pass through me. They always pass, just like clouds in the sky.
I'm going to start a gratitude practice ...breathing, and stating what I'm grateful for from the simple to the sublime. Then stating intentions... I love my life... I love my body... I love my family... then moving into manifestations -"I Am" statements of what I want to see, be, feel in the future... I am going to do this for 10 minutes every day. I know it will make a difference in me and how I view my world.