When our daughter Laila was little she had a hard time making the th sound. She would always replace the th sound with a fuh or vuh sound. This made it interesting since her best friend’s name was Heaver Kofford. One night Melinda was working on this with Laila trying to get her to say mother instead of muhver. After what seemed to Laila like an eternity of failure and endless attempts that continued to come out as muver, she finally said, “I decided I’m just going to call you mom!”
I recognize that there are women here today who love Mother’s Day, and women who dread Mother’s Day. There may be some of you who stayed home and are watching on Zoom so you didn’t have to face others and wonder if they were looking for a certain reaction from you. Mother's day can be difficult for many women for a variety of reasons. This may come from unreasonable expectations of motherhood and Mother’s Day – It may come from beating yourself up for being imperfect. Infertility, death of a child, death of a mother, abusive parents, divorce, widows, being a single woman on Mother’s Day. All of these things can be a reminder of pain for people. I hope to address many of you this morning that fall in these categories.
I can think of one thing that may be as difficult as Mother’s Day can be for many women and that is being asked to speak on Mother’s Day – It’s sort of like being asked to walk through a minefield.
It is not my intent to diminish the reality of the pain or guilt that many may feel on Mother’s Day, but perhaps as we reframe our thoughts around this day, some of that pain and guilt can be taken away and turned in to love and joy.
Melinda has always said regarding Mother’s Day, “lower your expectations and raise your gratitude. You can’t control what anyone else does or says, so ask yourself, How do I want to show up? She says, “Mother’s Day is never about me. It is always about my mom and Wayne’s mom.
What if the purpose of Mother’s Day is not to receive honor but to give honor? One of the commandments is to honor thy Mother… And one of the things that everyone in this congregation has in common is that we have a mother. Honoring our mother may be easy and come natural for many of us, but what of those that didn’t have a great mother? Can we still obey this commandment if that is the case? It may be difficult, but I believe that it is possible by doing the following things –
Love them - The Lord said “I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, … For if ye love only them which love you, what reward have ye?”
Love for a hurtful parent doesn’t come from our own abilities, but through the grace and atonement of Jesus Christ.
Forgive them -The Lord also said “I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, But of you it is required to forgive all men.” Forgiving doesn’t mean that we have to put ourselves in an abusive or unsafe situation, or even that we have to spend time with the individual - but that we let go of the hurt and resentment and turn it over to the Savior to heal our heart.
Pray for them – Again the Lord said,” Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.”
I spoke to a mother this past week who told me that she did not have a good mother - she has never felt motherly love from her mom – who is still living. She did say that she has felt motherly love from other women who have blessed her life. She called this compensatory blessings or compensatory relationships that she has been blessed to have with other women because she didn’t have them with her mother.
This idea that we can have this type of relationship with someone who is not literally our mother was taught by the Savior. While He was talking to a group of people who had seen Him heal on the Sabbath, and to whom He had proclaimed that He was the Lord of the Sabbath, Matthew tells us, “Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee. But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? And who are my brethren?
And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.” And what is the will of the Father? That we love God and love our neighbor. That we mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort.
This sister I was speaking with said that one way she can honor her mother is by being an honorable person herself– by keeping her covenants, and being the best person she can. As we talked about her experiences and how she has dealt with them I thought of what a great mother she is and of her 4 awesome children who are all grown and love her dearly. She could have just been the same kind of mother that she had, but she chose a different path. She said she always wanted to be a better mother - she just didn’t know how to do it, but that God will make us equal to what our desires are. By living the gospel and keeping her covenants I believe she has accomplished what Isaiah described as follows: “thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in.”
I believe another way we can increase the joy we feel on Mother’s Day is to remember who we truly are. It is vitally important to our spiritual survival that we remember our eternal identity – regardless of which of the categories I mentioned earlier we may be a part of. Our eternal identity is beautifully stated in the Young Women’s theme: “I am a beloved daughter of heavenly parents, with a divine nature and eternal destiny”. We are children of heavenly parents –
As Boyd K. Packer said – “You are a child of God. He is the father of your spirit. Spiritually you are of noble birth, the offspring of the King of Heaven. Fix that truth in your mind and hold to it. However many generations in your mortal ancestry, no matter what race or people you represent, the pedigree of your spirit can be written on a single line. You are a child of God!”
With apologies to Elder Packer, I would like to restate that with with a few added thoughts I believe are backed by doctrine.
“You are a child of Heavenly Parents. (That is certainly doctrine as recited by the YW every week) They are the father and mother of your spirit. (President Spencer W. Kimball said,“God is your father. He loves you. He and your mother in heaven value you beyond any measure. They gave your eternal intelligence spirit form, just as your earthly mother and father have given you a mortal body. You are unique. One of a kind, made of the eternal intelligence which gives you claim upon eternal life.)
Spiritually you are of noble birth, the offspring of the King and Queen of Heaven. Fix that truth in your mind and hold to it. However many generations in your mortal ancestry, no matter what race or people you represent, the pedigree of your spirit can be written on a single line. You are a child of Heavenly Parents!”
Laila also understood this divine heritage at a young age. Our son Landon asked Laila if he was her favorite. She scrunched her face up and said, “well, kind of…on this earth.” Landon asked her what she meant. “Well,” she said, “My favorite is God.” Then Landon said, “well what about being your favorite brother?” And she said, “No” and pointed up…”Jesus is!”
To those who may feel like they are not great mothers. My mom reminds me that mother’s are not perfect – they are just doing the best they know how. Even Mary, the mother of Jesus, who was highly favored and blessed among women, lost her son for 3 days!
When a sister in our stake found out I was speaking on Mother’s Day she told me that the one thing she didn’t want to hear anything about was a perfect mother - even if my mother was one. But we all do have a perfect Mother - in Heaven, and I think it’s appropriate to speak of her on mother’s Day. Let me just share what we do know about Heavenly Mother which is contained in the Churches Gospel Topics Essays, and the words of other General Authorities of the church.
The doctrine of a Heavenly Mother is a cherished and distinctive belief among Latter-day Saints
Susa Young Gates, a prominent leader in the Church, wrote in 1920 that Joseph Smith’s visions and teachings revealed the truth that “the divine Mother, [is] side by side with the divine Father.”
Prophets have taught that our heavenly parents work together for the salvation of the human family. “We are part of a divine plan designed by Heavenly Parents who love us,” taught Elder M. Russell Ballard. President Harold B. Lee stated, “Sometimes we think the whole job is up to us, forgetful that there are loved ones beyond our sight who are thinking about us and our children. We forget that we have a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother who are even more concerned, probably, than our earthly father and mother, and that influences from beyond are constantly working to try to help us when we do all we can.” (What a comfort that is to parents who are worried about how they can help and influence their children and grand children).
Elder John A. Widtsoe said, “The glorious vision of life hereafter . . . is given radiant warmth by the thought that . . . [we have] a mother who possesses the attributes of Godhood.”
This is echoed by Elder James E. Talmage “We . . . [are] literally the sons and daughters of divine parents, the spiritual progeny of God our Eternal Father, and of our God Mother.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “Our theology begins with heavenly parents. Our highest aspiration is to be like them.”
There it is – our career path – our highest aspiration is for men to become like Heavenly Father and women to become like Heavenly Mother.
How do we do that if we feel like we don’t fit the mold – like our circumstances are different or that we are not good enough.
In the accounts of the New Testament Jesus seemed to go to great lengths to reach out to all kinds of women in their varied circumstances and call them to His work. There we read of His dealings with women who would otherwise be on the outside of things—the two single sisters who wanted to be disciples (Mary and Martha), a Samaritan woman who had been married five times, a woman caught in the act of adultery, a widow grieving the death of her only son (Known as the widow of Nain), Joanna, a woman whose husband was steward to the wicked political king trying to take the place that rightfully belonged to Jesus, an, ordinary mother who served food in the background and was rarely noticed (Peter’s mother-in-law). To every one of them Jesus basically says: “Come, choose the better part and follow me. My gospel is for people just like you.”
Why would the Savior spend so much time with women who at His time were considered second-class citizens. Women were not allowed in the synagogue. They were not allowed to touch the scriptures. It was not socially acceptable to address women in public. Jesus was revolutionary in this respect. I believe he was teaching us how to treat women, and how important they are to our Heavenly Parents, and that we can learn so much from them.
Jesus spent the majority of his ministry in the north in the area of Galilee. There, many of these women, (specifically named are Mary, Joanna and Susanna, and, Luke says, many others) were not only with him but ministered unto Him of their substance. It seems they helped finance His ministry. Many of these women were probably single which is what allowed them to follow the savior.
As these women accompanied Christ in Galilee, they likely heard many of His sermons, listened to His parables, and witnessed miracles such as the healing of the woman with an issue of blood and the woman who had had an infirmity for 18 years (see Luke 8:43–48; 13:11–13). They were probably present at the feeding of the 5,000 and many other miracles (see Luke 9:12–17; 14:1–4). As Christ’s Galilean ministry drew to a close, some of these women followed Him on a weeklong journey to Jerusalem (see Matthew 27:55–56).
In addition to these incidents in His ministry, it is noteworthy that women were the last ones at the cross, when all of the male disciples, except John, forsook their Master and fled.
Given the danger they faced from the Jewish authorities or the Romans, you would have thought that these women would have prepared to quickly leave town. Instead, they prepared spices for Christ’s body (see Luke 24:21). Even though their future was uncertain, they remained close to where Jesus was.
There is a great lesson there. Thinking about the Saturday after the crucifixion, when it’s Saturday in our life, how do we react? When we are somewhere between yesterday’s unthinkable tragedy and tomorrow’s glorious triumph, what do we do? Do we leave God—or do we linger near him? These women teach us to stay close to Jesus, even and especially in difficult times.
They were the first ones at the tomb. It was a woman whom Jesus chose to be the first witness to His resurrection. Mary Magdalene was the surprised recipient of this great privilege, (recorded in Luke 24:1–10). He then commissioned her to testify to its truth. The rabbis did not believe women were reliable witnesses. Jesus thought otherwise.
Have you ever found yourself saying something and then thinking, “that sounded just like my mom or just like my dad?” My son Addison told me that he tells his kids every day that “they are Eagles and they need to fly above the turkeys.” He heard this every morning from Melinda as he walked out the door to school. He also says frequently that “people are more important than things,” Which he heard constantly from his mother, grandmother and great-grandmother.
Abraham Lincoln said “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother"
If the Savior received his attributes and characteristics from his parents, I often wonder to myself if those characteristics came from and were developed by his Heavenly Parents. Which attributes came from which parent? This is just the musings, but like us hearing and repeating things our parents have said, I like to ponder which words of Jesus he may have heard from one of his parents.
Think about the Christlike attributes of “faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, and diligence” (D&C 4:6)” I would suggest that these characteristics embodied in our perfect savior, are characteristics that all of us, male and female should be developing. The Savior said, “how oft have I gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and have nourished you.”
How would the Savior nourish you women this mother’s Day? I think He would throw His arms around you and let you know you are worthy enough to keep going and that your sacrifices have been acceptable before Him. Single women, divorced women, those who may think that they don’t measure up or that their kids don’t measure up. He would say he loves you where you are right now , and that he also has many more blessings in store for you as you follow Him. He would tell you He is preparing for you all that is in your hearts, things you have not spoken to anyone that only He could know. I think He would say he knows your pains and struggles and insecurities. He would say that He sees you and your quiet selfless service, that you are not invisible to Him. He would ask of you the same thing He asked Peter: “Lovest thou me? … And to your response he would say Feed my lambs. … Feed my sheep
May I suggest one way we can feed his sheep and lambs today? A way to honor our Heavenly Parents on this Mother’s Day? Possibly even right now? This applies to everyone here - not just the women.
In my YSA Ward – a couple of times a year I would stand up at the end of sacrament meeting and ask everyone to pull out their phones – Then I would tell them I wanted them to send me a text that said one of 2 things. Either – Things are good or can we talk? I’m not going to ask you to text one of those two things right now to Bishop Smith (although it might not be a bad idea), but I would like to challenge you to pull out your phone and send a text to a woman who has had an influence in your life – Let her know you appreciate her influence and example. Let her know that you love her.
Let me speak just a little further to a few of you that may be worried about what is going on in your lives. Single sisters – you are enough – you are not less than or valued less than someone who is married or has children. The same goes for those who are, divorced, widowed or a part of any of the categories I previously mentioned.
Those who feel they are less than because their children are scattered somewhere else on the path – you are not defined by your children’s choices. Continue to love them, pray for them, and be an example of authentically living the Gospel of Jesus Christ with joy. They have the same Savior that you and I do – One who knows them and loves them perfectly, and who has said that His work and His glory is to bring to pass the immortality AND eternal life of man - And as Elder Patrick Kearon reminded us, that is his mission and “He is really good at it. In fact He is perfect at it.
I echo the words of Eliza R. Snow that we know so well:
When I leave this frail existence,
When I lay this mortal by,
Father, Mother, may I meet you in your royal courts on high?
Then at length, when I’ve completed,
All you sent me forth to do.
With your mutual approbation,
Let me come and dwell with you.
Beautiful words and thoughts. I love what Elder Glenn L. Place said as he added to this inspired teaching:
“Sisters, I testify that when you stand in front of your heavenly parents in those royal courts on high and you look into Her eyes and behold Her countenance, any question you ever had about the role of women in the kingdom will evaporate into the rich celestial air, because at that moment you will see standing directly in front of you, your divine nature and destiny.”
I testify that we are indeed children of Heavenly Parents, and that this is our divine nature and destiny- to become like them.
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