It's been one year

Marcie passed away a year ago today.

I still search for old pics with Marcie's face in them.
I still think I'm going to run into her at Dick's or  Costco.
I still drive by her house and wonder what she's doing today.
I still want to call her and go to lunch.
I still miss Sunday circle at mom and dad's house where I could catch up on Marcie and her family.
I still use her purse, wear her jewelry and her shoes.
I still have her picture....this picture as the screen saver on my cell phone.

I am not good with words lately.   I want to write what I feel and what's happening in order to process..but really I'm still pretty numb...and no words come.

It's been a challenging year.  So much change has happened with Marcie's passing and then 2 1/2 weeks later may Dad passing and then selling the family home and settling the estate and all that entails.  This year has been emotionally draining and filled with a lot of tears, and just sitting and not doing much........Grief does that.

I was kind of freaked out about my birthday this year. I turned 54.  When Marcie turned 54 she wasn't feeling good a month later she was diagnosed with Cancer and 3 1/2 months later she was dead.  I kind of worry about my every ache and pain.  I went and had a full physical exam including an ultrasound to check my organs.  I got the thumbs up, but with so much cancer in my family I wonder who is going to be next?

It's been difficult watching Gary and the kids go through this non Marcie year. They are working and keeping busy but it's on those down, non busy times, when thinking can happen and feelings creep in that Marcie is missed. They say year two is even harder.

Performing in Hello Dolly makes me feel close to Marcie and to my parents.  They all loved theatre and loved seeing family members perform.  Angela said it best... Mom would have loved the creative use of the set with very short scene changes and going from one scene to the next quickly.  Marcie would have loved the costumes and hats and Dad would have just cried tears of joy seeing me on stage.  I'm glad I get to perform in DOLLY tonight... I will dedicate this performance to her.