Best Parent talk

"Your children are not your children.  They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.  They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you." - Khalil Gibran.

I taught a class on How to be the BEST parents to Young Adults and Teenagers.

It was good to get some of my thoughts on paper.

1.  What makes a successful parent?   You just love your people and know that parenthood is good and bad and you get to decide, "I'm a good parent."  It's how YOU turn out, not how your kids turn out.  Have you learned and grown while raising your kids--then you are a successful parent.

2.  Difference between emotional childhood and emotional adulthood and how you need to help yourself and your children move into emotional adulthood.  Emotional Adulthood is taking responsibility for your results and mess ups.  No blame.  Get out of compare and despair.  Everyone is worthy just by being born, so now work on loving yourself and others and taking ownership of thoughts and feelings.  No one MADE you do anything.

3.  Life is 50 /50 and that's how it was designed. It's called the human experience.  There will be good days and bad days.  That's how it's supposed to be.  Nothing is wrong with you, or your family just feel it all and keep moving forward.

4.  It's all going how it's supposed to go.  You don't know how it's going to turn out...you really don't.  I had a friend tell me how excited she was to have all of her kids in the temple with her and I said, "I am so happy for you.  That's amazing. That will never happen for me."  She said, "You don't know that."   I was ready to give her all of what I thought were facts of the situation-- but really I don't know.  What I have are today's circumstances, and my thoughts about them, but I don't know what the future brings.  I just embrace that my life is exactly how it's supposed to go and I love it.  This thought serves me well.

5.  "What are you making it mean?"  When your young adult does something, says something,  ask this question.  Ask this question when your teenager is having issues at school; when teenager misses curfew, or doesn't do homework; when your young adult goes against your wishes.   It's a good one.  If you are making it mean something about YOU as the parent- there is only pain there.  If you are making it mean that you need to be the police of your child's life -- there is only pain there.  There are the facts of the situation and there is the drama.  Deal with the facts, drop the drama.

6.  Drop the manuals-- We have manuals on how people should behave.  We have "shoulds" for all of our relationships....these really will cause pain.  He should respect me.  She should talk nice to me.  He should get good grades.  She should agree with me.   Quit "shoulding" on people.  Adults will do what adults want to do-- Young adults are no exception.  You can't control them.  You can request, but you can't need things to happen for you to be happy.  Don't hand over your emotional life to someone else.  Keep ownership.  For teenagers, you will have a set of rules and consequences.  Communicate these, then when teenager misses curfew per se- he already knows the consequence-- no drama on your part.  "Bummer dude, you missed curfew.  That stinks for you.  You know the consequence.  You can be mad if you want, but I need your keys."   No drama.

7.  You are the thinker of your thoughts, so choose thoughts that serve you. Tell a better story.
This is huge.  Pick powerful thoughts like, "My family is amazing just like it is."  "I learned so much from my past, and now I am moving into a wonderful future."  "I can do all things through God who strengthens me."  "My teenager is learning and growing and so am I."  "It's all going to work out and it's all okay."  "I love my life with the good and the hard."

8.  Fear and Love can't exist in the same space.  We know this by experiencing this in life and from the scripture.  So think about this and drop the fear.  Don't be afraid for your kids or their futures.  Just love them in their complete package.  When my daughter was going through her Jr. high years she was "rebelling"  in all her 13-14 year old glory.  But the more I was afraid for her and us and what the future was going to be, the less I could love her.  The more drama I put into the situation with negative thoughts, my fear escalated.   Love was the answer.  When I let go of fear and just loved, she did a 180... BUT.... I wasn't loving her thinking my love will bring her back, or my love will fix her.  I'm just loving her because she is worthy of love however her life turns out.  It's her agency and it's her life.

9.  View everyone with curiosity, compassion, and love.  Get out of judgment.  I am a child of God and EVERYONE else is too.  This is true for all of your children from 0- 33 years and beyond. Our brains love to judge, it's how we make sense of the world, and our brains rank where we fit into the social structure because it thinks it's keeping us safe or our kids safe.    It thinks we will be kicked out of the tribe and die if we don't judge.  This could be true about our surroundings, but it's not true about people.   So much better to think, "Isn't that interesting that he does this.. I wonder why?  I wonder what's up with that person that they make those kinds of choices.?  So  Fascinating.  So interesting.  They have a momma who loves them...and I do too.  I am grateful there are a lot of different types of people in our world.  How boring if we were all the same."

As a parent, I  want to show up for the whole human experience, the whole ride, whatever that looks like and not be afraid of it and not judge it, just move into it with full trust in my Heavenly Father that he has my back and my Young adults back too.

Oh what do you do in the summertime?

OH, What do I do in the Summertime, so I feel like it's summer? 

I sit at a pool atleast once a week.  It's how I grew up, it's how I grew my kids up and now I'm working the pool magic with my grands.  We had a great time today thanks to cousin Krystin and her Spanish Fork Pool.  We love the time we spend there.   My usual 1 hour drive to SF turned out to be 2 hours by the time I picked everyone up and had some emergency potty stops along the way.    the kids all played great together.  Alfie is a daredevil going off the big platform 20 feet high.  Sophia, Andrew and Alfie then jumped over and over again off the rock formation.  Tayla wanted to get in the action, so she became their coach and gave them high fives and thumbs up for all of their attempts. It was really sweet.  Lady just wanted me to hold her in the water.  It was a perfect summer day.

 

Tayla offering up a high five to Andrew for his great jump.

Father's day

"True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from."     Brianna Wiest.

This one hit me in the heart.  What a beautiful thought that is to love your life and not want to escape from it.   I love my life and I loved our Father's day gathering. 

 WE ALL LOVE WAYNE, Poppa Wayne, Dad, Father....you know that guy!  Wayne got a Traeger smoker for Father's day so we had all the group come to our home and eat.  This worked out well since Lexi is really sick with this pregnancy and is basically just lying around on couches and running to the bathroom.

Love this bunch, although not complete without our Tru.  Sometimes I look at all of them and say to my Wayne- "we did this."  It's pretty beautiful how well they all get along and make things work. 

Wayne is a much-involved poppa...playing and goofing around with the kids.

Wayne talking on the phone to TRUMAN who is in Portland, while cooking on his Traeger

We love all six of our GRANDS.  They are the best! Andrew, Sophia, Poppy, Lady, Tayla and Alfie

Motorcycle weekend

 Just got back for a two day Utah, Wyoming, Idaho 555 mile motorcycle ride.   It was great to spend the time with my Wayne and Brad and Karen Butters, Jesse and Laurie Hubbard and Jesse's brother Jim and wife Connie, Mike and Ann Lundquist.    It started out threatening rain and cold, with dark clouds always looming over our shoulders, but we by passed most of it.

 W

 It was really so beautiful and so good to get away and be together.  Perfect for a pre-Father's day activity.  Wayne and I get to where we just do the same old every week and don't talk much about what's new.  Wayne's gone a lot with Bishoping so when we can spend one on one time together and share what's going on in our lives and I get to hear him tell some of our life stories with others in his animated way, I find him so attractive and I remember why he's my best boyfriend.  I love this guy and feel so blessed to be his wife.

 We motorcycled through Evanston and stopped at Jody's Diner for a big breakfast, then circled up through Wyoming into Montpelier, Idaho, then down to Garden City.  Stopped at Le Beau's for double raspberry shakes.  The rest of the group went down the mountain to Logan and Wayne and I stayed in Bear Lake so I could speak at a YSA camp.    The Lilacs, the sunset, the talk was all so fun.  I spoke on lies that Satan tells us that keep us stuck and truth's that set us free and help us to progress in our lives.    It rained on us as we sat around the campfire when I was only 5 minutes into my presentation, we thought it might pass, but it didn't and after 5 minutes of sprinkles, we finally all ran into the cabin and then it down poured.  The YSA's all squished in to a room and sat on the floor and we  had a "smackdown" of don't believe what other people say about you, you are of worth, set some goals and know that life is 50/50 and that's how it's supposed to be- so feel all of the positive and negative feelings and know that's part of life and keep moving forward.  Don't buffer with video games, and overeating, and social media scrolling, and Netflix. I taught them a bit about how the brain works, and why the lower brain loves to keep us stuck and moving into our higher brain through gratitude is the goal.  It was great to be with the YSA's and with my Wayne.

Saturday morning we met back up with the group after a gorgeous morning ride down Logan Canyon.  We circled back up to Preston Idaho, through a canyon back over to Montpelier, Idaho, around Bear Lake, and then stopped in Randolph, Utah for lunch.  Then we rode home by way of Montecristo and Pineview.

It was all a gorgeous, beautiful testimony to me of our beautiful world and love of my Heavenly Father.

Life is 50/50

The one thing my friend got from Life coaching with me which has really set her free is the concept
that we don't have to be happy all of the time.  That it's okay and really part of God's plan to feel all
of the emotions which includes unhappy. 50% happy. 50% unhappy.

Life is 50/50 and I see more evidence of the truthfulness of this all around me in my own days, my
children’s lives,  Wayne’s work, politics, weather, and my clients that I talk to.

We wouldn’t know what happy even feels like if we are that ALL OF THE TIME.  It's like a fish in
water. What's water to a fish until it's taken out of it?  

So much of our struggle is because we always think that we should be happier than we are,
especially as we look at our social media feeds or get the Sunday answer from our neighbors,
and friends when we ask how they are, “I’m fine.”  

We start to think that things should be different than they are.

That we should feel less negative emotion in our own lives than we do.

When we’re unhappy about all of that, we’re actually creating a lot more unhappiness than 50/50.

Learning to manage our minds puts an end to our suffering that is so unnecessary: the suffering that
comes from thinking that our circumstances should be any different than they are.

But that doesn’t mean that we’re not going to feel negative emotion. We’ll always feel grief, sadness,
embarrassment, shame, anger.

The point is to understand there isn’t anything wrong with those emotions.

They are part of our human experience.

That’s exactly how it’s supposed to be - 50/50.

Why life coaching?

My sister Marcie died at age 54.  She celebrated her birthday in March, felt a lump in April, was diagnosed cancer in May, chemo through June and July and died August 13th.  WOW

Two years before this my mom passed away and two weeks after Marcie's death my dad died.

It was rough.  I felt like I was spinning out of control.  Why?  Why did my sister have to leave me so young?  Why did she only get 54 years on this earth?  My parents were my rock, and now they were gone too?   This isn't fair. 

 I was on the struggle bus so hard that I owned the bus and I was the driver! 

Of course, I turned to my faith and found a solace there in my Savior, Jesus Christ and his teachings.  Thank goodness for earlier life trials which taught me the value in this and how to access it.  But I was still on the bus.  At this point, I read a lot of books, spiritual and self-help.  I prayed for guidance and answers.  I let myself grieve and turned to daily gratitude, walks with friends and time with family to get me through. 

I was on autopilot just living an okay life, but I knew Heavenly Father wanted more for me, needed more from me.  I was searching for a new way of thinking about my everyday circumstances so I could get off that struggle bus and start living my life again with confidence and purpose. 

Two years passed and in the spring of 2018 I found Brooke Castillo's books and podcast with so much good information and a concept she taught called the MODEL.   I couldn't stop sharing it with my Truman and Landon and anyone else who would listen.   I found Jody Moore's podcast.  Wayne and I traveled to Portland and listened to Jody Moore's podcasts there and back. Just binged on it all and it all made so much sense on how to live your best life, and how the brain works which cleared up for me so many things about why life was such a roller coaster ride instead of a clear uphill trajectory.  (The funny part is I had been told of Jody Moore's podcast a year before, but I guess I wasn't ready.)  With all of this guidance, I was off of the bus, done with my pity party and was moving into a new version of me. 

August 2018 I listened to a webinar on what being a life coach is all about and felt a light turn on and clear path illuminate ahead of me of what my next thirty years were going to look like and who I could serve and so I signed up for Life Coach School with Brooke Castillo last fall. 

I recognize this as a series of events orchestrated by my Heavenly Father...and I know He had my back to guide me to where I am today as a Life coach.

I'm determined to make my 50's, 60's and 70's my best decades yet and I know it all starts with managing my thoughts.

Are you ready for that too? 

I want to teach and bring this relief and excitement to all of you. 

Are you offended by this?

I bet you don't have a picture of your mother hanging in your garage.

It's my mom and she had it taken in her 50's for my dad and yes it's supposed to hang upside down.  He loved it but hid it behind his bedroom door because he thought it was too racy.  His words, not mine.   

On my dad's death bed he pulled me over to say something really important--

"What dad, what?"

"What are we going to do with mom's pornographic picture?"  

I couldn't believe it.  I leaned in real close and said, "Oh don't worry about it.  I'll take it."  

He said, "You can't just throw it away or give it to the goodwill, so what will you do with it?" 

I told him. " We will stand it by your casket at your viewing and then I will hang it in my garage."  

His eyes got big and he smiled.  

I was true to my word.  

My mom's racy picture is on display.  

Some people are offended by it and say some crazy things. 

I choose not to be offended by them.

I don't make what they say mean anything about me or her.

People say crazy stuff. So what?
People don't know my dad or the above story and that I'm keeping good on a promise to a dying man.   People don't know what they don't know. Not a problem. 


Offense.  

What a useless activity.
I'm choosing to never be offended again, by anything. No matter what anyone says.
I'll just smile, wink and move on. 
I've got my own back...(and my mom's front)

Blah to BAM!

My first coaching message putting this out into the universe:

Age is just a number.  I truly believe that.

But ever since I turned 50, I have become passionate about helping women over 50 to live their absolute best lives. 

To help them remember how valuable they truly are when society and media messages are saying something different.

Women over the age of 50 can be one of the most influential segments of society.   

We have so much to offer the world.  

But first, we need to stop the cycle of self-sabotage and step into our wisdom and our power.

The problem is that many of us don't know how to do that. 

Don't know where to start.

That's where Life Coaching can help.

My focus in coaching is toward women over 50 who want to end worry, stress and overwhelm forever and step into their BEST LIVES!

*FANFARE* and *DRUM ROLL* please...

I am ready to offer my first 6-week program.  It's called  Blah to BAM! and the focus is to move from thinking about your life as, " blah, is this all there is?" to "BAM-I love my life!"

If you are ready to improve relationships with your children, your spouse and EVERYONE…life coaching is for you.

If you are ready to move from judging yourself and others into LOVE and COMPASSION…life coaching is for you.

If you are ready to move from frustrated and annoyed to showing up as your BEST SELF… life coaching is for you.

If you are ready to move from endless worry and regret to TRUST and CONFIDENCE... life coaching is for you.

If you are ready to move from overwhelm to PEACE and ABUNDANCE… life coaching is for you.

If you are ready to move from procrastination to ACCOMPLISHMENT and finally getting stuff done… life coaching is for you.

So here’s what you’ll get from coaching with me-

My Blah to Bam 6-week program includes:

• FREE 20 minute mini session to see if Life Coaching is a great fit for you.
• Six 60-minute personalized weekly coaching sessions. 
• Face to face online coaching through ZOOM so you can live anywhere, you just need internet.
• Flexible scheduling.
• Worksheets and content to help you on your journey.
• Daily access to coaching from me through text and email.
• 100% money back guarantee if you work the program and don't find success.  No questions asked.

I can't say enough about the value of life coaching.  It's like having a wise friend who is a great listener and helps you discover for yourself the BEST answers to your problems.

I will teach you new ways to look at yourself, your brain and your life that will be transformational.

Your life...Your Choice.  Let's go from Blah to BAM together!

Pride

Someone said to me..."It must be such a trial having gay children."

Hmmmmm.....

Here's the truth.  My boys are fantastic.  They are amazing sons of God and I know they are loved, are of infinite worth and valued just like me.

Today is the Pride celebration in Salt Lake and I am proud to be a mom of gay children.  I am waving my rainbow flag high!  What I may have thought was a trial at the beginning of this journey has turned into a huge blessing. 

It's allowed me to be more.
More open, more empathetic, more of a fighter for the underdog, more politically correct, more accepting,  more civil, more kind, more willing to have hard conversations, more spiritual,  more generous, more compassionate, more curious, and more loving.

The trial isn't that they are Gay.  The trial comes with how they are treated.
We are all good with being nice to people who are like us and are doing what we think they should be doing and obeying all of the commandments.  But being kind and civil to those who are different from us continues to challenge.  Acceptance is not a pre-requisite to Love.  We should love and be nice just because we are all part of the human race and because that's the type of person we want to be, and it just feels so much better.

I hope for a better world.

Somewhere over the Rainbow skies are blue....right?
Let's all step up and be kinder, nicer and more compassionate toward each other. We can take some pride in that.

Legacy award for my mom

 Honored to receive the Legacy award from CenterPoint Legacy Theatre on behalf of my wonderful mom-Sheri Cole. She was a theatre pioneer in Davis County. CPT honored her and all of us with dinner and a very special video presentation about her life. I know she’s taking a bow in heaven tonight. This is my acceptance speech: 

Mom is up in heaven smiling right now. This is so perfect. Sheri loved her family, the performing arts, theatre people and her community so tonight is the perfect mix of all 4 of these.
As seen in the video- Sheri touched so many of us with her passion and energy. My mom was everyone’s biggest fan. She wanted everyone to succeed. People developed talents, fulfilled callings, excelled at work, produced events, set goals, performed on stage, graduated high school, marched in parades, pursued higher education, learned to dance, learned to sing, learned to speak in public, sang in choir, auditioned, built sets, made costumes and followed their dreams simply because they knew Sheri believed that they could.
We will never forget her legacy of unconditional love, her remarkable style, beauty and grace and the impact she left on the performing arts in Davis County. My mom was a Davis county theatre pioneer and she was so pleased to see all the growth and she was especially thrilled about this beautiful CPT facility.
She would be honored to accept this Ralph Rodgers Legacy award tonight- mom worked with Ralph at Promised Valley playhouse. She always said he had a big heart and a big personality to match. We could say the same about her.

When mom was dying of cancer and for her funeral we adopted a theme- “She lived, she loved, she left proof.” This award is more evidence of the proof that she left. 

I am honored to be her daughter and accept this on her behalf. Thank you CenterPoint Theatre for your tireless work to make this a beautiful night for all of us. ❤️