Deal Breakers

Before I got married, I always said, If my spouse cheats on me that's it. That's my line.  Marriage over.

That would be my deal-breaker. I have since changed my mind.

Wayne and I are friends with some amazing couples.  Two in particular.
Both have dealt with extra marital affairs and have stayed together.  
One has been excommunicated from the LDS church and worked to get
his membership back and came back stronger with a more fervent testimony
than ever before.  One had a child out of the cheating. One has raised a child
that wasn’t hers but made him hers. She just became his second mom.
One felt betrayed and manipulated and saw no justice done to the perpetrator.
 Both changed what their marriage looked like. Both went through difficult,
trying years but were determined to like and then love again. Both have better,
more open and honest relationships now than they ever did when they first
started out.   Both have been together now for over 30 years. They are great
examples to us of love, forgiveness and perseverance. Afterall, we are all just
humans making human mistakes while having human experiences.

So……..

Is it a deal-breaker if your spouse can't hold down a job?

Is it a deal-breaker if your spouse looks at porn?

Is it a deal-breaker if your spouse is permanently “sick”?

Is it a deal-breaker if your spouse leaves the church?

Is it a deal-breaker if your spouse has addictions?

I  can choose to make anything a deal-breaker if I want to.

But also nothing has to be a deal-breaker at all.

Even if I thought so before I got married.

Even if my friends and family think it should be.

Even if  church or society tells me it should be.

I get to decide.

My deal breaker would definitely be around physical/emotional abuse.  That would
not be tolerated, but I can see how the other things listed can.

Since being close friends to these two amazing, loving, best of friends type of
couples, my line has shifted.   I can see how people can come back. I can see how
love wins if you want it to. I can see that we get to love who we want to no matter
what. That’s my kind of deal!