Drop the Husband manual

I remember being in young women's and having our leaders tell us to make a list of all the things we wanted in a future spouse.   I  have also been a YW leader  and had my own Mia maids or Laurels do this same type of list.  The list looked something like this.

My future husband .....

is Cute

is a Returned missionary

is able to take me to the temple

Makes me laugh

Helps with chores around the house

Mows the Lawn and does all outside yard work

Loves to sing and do theatre

is so good looking

is Tall so I can wear 3 inch heels . 

Makes a lot of money

is an orphan.  (I thought it would be great not to have to worry about in laws.  Little did I know having Tom and Wanee Welch as my in laws is one of my biggest blessings.)

So many things.  I know that this list and all lists like this of what we prescribe for other people's lives is not healthy.  It's called having a "manual" for people.  A manual on how they should behave, who they should be, and what they should think and do for them to be lovable and acceptable by us. 

I used to go nuts if Wayne didn't get his clothes into the clothes hamper, or his dishes in the dishwasher or his shoes in the closet.   I made it mean that his doing these things proved he loved me more or his not doing these things that he loved me less.  But he didn't really care about these things, only I did.   So.....I just changed my thoughts. I quit looking for and seeing all of the things not being done and focused on what I love about this man and then the other stuff didn't matter.   I learned that I can't control Wayne, I can only control me and my thoughts.  And I just let go.  The interesting thing is once I let go and quit nagging, or arguing about these things, they changed.   I changed.

I now have a new list for what I want from my husband:

--Just be Wayne

Wayne is really good at being Wayne and I'm really good at loving him for where he is.  It hasn't always been this way, but once I dropped the husband manual it has only gotten better.  

I choose every day to love my husband on purpose.