Our new Normal

When I meet new people and they learn of my story and find out I have two gay sons, and threw a gay wedding and love on extra grandkids, their minds are reeling, and their questions are plentiful.  Wait...what?  You're active LDS?  How do you navigate it?  Isn't it hard?  What does this all mean?

Well... it means we have a lot to love and yes, we go to the LDS church and serve there, and we navigate it all just fine and it isn't hard at all.  Our family is just like everyone else's family, it just looks a bit different.

I've been thinking back to 12 years ago when Landon came out to 5 years ago when Truman did. We have come a long way baby! 

I have really grown in my education around the LGBTQ community, my tolerance for slow moving church policy and for the human-ness in all of us.

When Landon came out I was still of the philosophy that sexual orientation is a choice.  I now know our sexual orientation is on a sliding scale from Hetero to Homo and we all fall somewhere on it.  We are born with this.  We can work on our thoughts around attraction, and who to love and feelings for people --which start in the mind and then move into vibrations in our body, but sexual sensations start with vibrations in the body and then move to the head.   I know genetics play a big part in this.   There are many gay members of my extended family.    I have grown in my understanding, so when Truman came out, it was a lot easier just to love and not preach.

I have grown in my tolerance, love and acceptance for slow moving church policy.  I know that God works with imperfect people in our world, and it's got to be frustrating at times.   He is not going to take away agency but he will slowly fix things that have been messed up.  ( Blacks and the Priesthood)  The church and it's policies can't change on a dime...it's like turning an ocean liner, with all of it's parts and pieces and outside forces of waves and wind.  God is also a big champion of free agency, which is why we are down on earth in the first place, to use our agency and try to overcome the natural man, and evolve into better beings.

I am getting better at liking all of the humans.  Laila has experienced many kids at BHS that make slurs about gay people.  They are talking about her brothers and aunts, who are normal, kind, loving people who wouldn't hurt or speak ill about others, so it's hard for Laila to wrap her head around this hate talk and she just leaves feeling sad and mad.  I hope she can get to the point where she can stand up and say, "Hey that's my family you are talking about and I love them.  So be nice." 

We are at different levels in our spiritual maturity and in our earthly progress.  We come from varying backgrounds and experiences.  For the most part, people are good and just trying to do what they think is best.  There are just a lot of uneducated people expressing opinions of hate and animosity towards people I love.   I'm learning to be curious about all of this.  So when people speak out against LGBTQ and talk poorly about this marginalized group, I will continue to speak up and add my voice of reason, compassion and support.   I'm not going to add my hate for the hateful.  This just increases the hate in the world.  I'm going to step forward with Love.  Love always wins.

This life, whatever it looks like, is our new normal, and we got here pretty quickly.  I attribute it to good upbringings by our own parents of unconditional love and acceptance.   We don't see anyone as broken in our family.  We don't see anyone that needs fixing.  We don't exclude.  We don't squabble.  We see all of us as brothers and sisters  on our journey together just helping each other get back home.   It's a safe space.

I like to think about the pre-existence some times and imagine the conversations we had there.  I can see me wondering if I will make a good mom and telling my kids that I'm not going to always know what to say, or what to do, and I might fail them, and  then I see Addison, Landon, Truman, Monson and Laila  cheering me on, saying, "Melinda..you got this. You are going to be exactly the mom we need.  You don't have to be perfect, just love us."  And I like to imagine them saying to me that they are going to have struggles and be gay, and they might leave the LDS church, or come to me through adoption with all of its issues and I say to them, "Hey.... we got this.  We are going to be a strong family and support each other no matter what.  It's all going to be amazing in so many ways, and we will all grow from it."  Then I can see us all up in heaven, putting our hands in a circle and giving our family cheer for the first time -"Forever" and really meaning it! 

We continue to put our hands in a circle at the end of  our family prayers and say, "Forever."  I don't know what forever even looks like, but God does and he's more merciful and kind and filled with greater love than we can even fathom.