Desert Island - apology

I need to have compassion for my 7th grade self and apologize to 7th grade Michelle B. for being part of a group that embarrassed and humiliated her. 

I don't know why this memory is coming up for me..but I need to write it down and wrestle with it for a bit, so I can move on.

I remember the summer before 7th grade at Millcreek Jr. High-- it was a big change and I was trying to find my way, at the same time, there was a group of boys and girls in my home ward who mostly got along, but didn't really fit together. (We prided ourselves on our ability to get rid of Sunday School teachers-- being so noisy and rude and one even cried.  We loved it when the teacher quit and we got a new one to work our terrorizing on....so nuts!)

I remember going to Carolyn C's basement to play some games and hang out with boys and girls together.  It was one afternoon and we were in Carolyn's basement, which looked like the Brady Bunch home. We played spin the bottle- and dared each other stupid stuff, and some psychology game..then Carolyn said, " Let's play Desert Island."  She picked Michelle out of the group to be the first one to play.  I didn't know what Desert Island was.  She told Michelle she was stranded on a desert island and told her to lay on the floor, and she put a blanket over her.  We all looked with anticipation about what would happen next.  There were a lot of giggles in the room as we all circled the blanket.  Carolyn said, "Ok, you are on a desert island and it's soooo hot.  What are you going to take off?"  We giggled more and made awkward eye contact.  Michelle took off her socks and poked them out of the blanket.  Carolyn said, "No, Michelle, that's not right...what do you take off first?  It's sooo hot."  Michelle said she didn't want to play anymore, and Carolyn told her to be a good sport.  "Okay, Michelle, what are you going to take off? It's really hot!"  Carolyn then silently mouthed to all of us..."She's supposed to take off the blanket...she's so dumb." Now we were all in on it.  

Michelle moaned a bit, sounding like a scared animal, then her shirt came out of the blanket.  I remember feeling sick inside, and some of the boys "woo-hooing."  It was awkward, and nasty and I didn't know how to stop it.  I wanted to fit in.  Michelle said she was done. Carolyn insisted we go on. Finally, Sharon T. bundled Michelle in the blanket and took her out of the room to help her.  The game was over.  Michelle was crying nervously.  We all said, "Michelle, you're so dumb.  Just take off the blanket not your clothes!"  We laughed and tried to make it all okay, but my stomach hurt and I went home and straight to my room, I felt so ashamed. 

I remember my mom asking me how was Carolyn's house?   And I told her it was fine.  I vowed to be kinder and more compassionate from then on.  I wish I had done what Sharon did..and helped her.

It's amazing to me, even with an awesome mom all of the things I didn't share with her. And I wonder at all of the things my kids didn't share with me.  Learning to be a good human can be hard.