I want to show up with faith and hope!

 I’m excited for the upcoming fast we get to participate in on Good Friday.


I love going through this Corona time with hope and faith in God.
I wasn't always at this point...

A couple years back I was in a cynical place regarding God and the LDS church. Everything just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I would go to church with a chip on my shoulder thinking that none of this really mattered. I couldn’t find reason in so much sadness, destruction, unkindness, death, and hardship. I didn’t like the church’s stand on LGBTQ and some church history. I stopped praying and doing the simple things we are reminded to do that keep us close to the Spirit. I reasoned that God didn’t care about my choices and my relationships. I was doubting ..and thinking I was superior to all of those blind sheep who just follow along. I had questions.

Because of Wayne and our YSA calling, I did keep going to church. And out of habit, I would listen to one chapter of the Book of Mormon a day on my phone. It was mechanical and I didn’t gain much, but I went through the action of it. I felt isolated and alone in my doubting. I would scoff at fasting and prayer and makeup reasons not to attend the temple.

SO what changed?

I decided I just didn't like this version of me. I much preferred the faith-filled, hopeful, everything works out, and Jesus loves us Melinda.

SO…... I talked to people, I shared my cynicism and feeling that God just didn’t care, but I was determined to keep it to faith-filled people. I didn’t need anyone in my pessimistic pool with me.  I needed someone on the edge of the pool to help pull me out. ( Si, Wayne, Kathleen, Laura, Gary, Linda and so many more )

Here's what I know:

God is not going to take our agency away. We can do what we want to do.
WHO do I want to be?   WHOSE do I want to be? How do I want to show up in this world for my family and friends?  These are all within my control.

I like me when I’m seeking and questioning with Faith and Hope. It feels so much better in my body. (My mom totally modeled this for me. I just needed to remember.)

I know there are still some LGBT questions I don’t have answers to and some things in my church that just don’t make sense to me...and that’s Okay.

I like Melinda better in the gospel seeking personal revelation than on the outside of it sharing snarky comments and judging.

The 50/50 concept of life really liberated me and helped me understand this positive and negative is exactly what life is supposed to look like. And what a gift it is. We need an opposition in all things. We need the dark to appreciate the light.

The other thing that has helped me is developing curiosity and compassion instead of judgment towards the church, church leaders,  and the world.

I was on my faith walkabout for about 6 months.  I am glad it was only that long. I know there are others I love, who are taking a longer walk, but I know God is always with us.