I went to see the movie, The Intern, with Wayne and the Wangsgaards the other night. It's about a company hiring a Senior Intern. ( 70 year old man) It was a sweet, feel good movie about men's and women's roles and how they are changing and how the young can continue to learn from the old. I really liked a lot of the movie discussions...why don't men dress up in suits any more? Why do they have a hard time growing up and taking responsibility? Why do we have to buy into stereotype work roles? Why don't men use handkerchiefs any more? That's the one that got me. As soon as the handkerchief discussion came up I felt that familiar sting in my eyes and lump in my throat and I couldn't stop crying because I missed my dad. ....He was a suit wearing, handkerchief using gentleman. I couldn't get it together. The rest of the movie was a tear fest for me....
I'm enjoying conference...the talks and messages are really touching me. I relly liked Sis. Marriott's who shared her family motto: It will all work out. This is what I feel and know is true. Pres. Uchtdorf's on simplifying discipleship is where I live. Elder Holland's talk about a mother's love comparing it to Christ's love, should have been my favorite...but he was telling a story about an SSA returned missionary who was struggling with his sexuality and the gospel and it just struck a negative chord in me. I couldn't get past how this boy was able to go back on a mission all becuse of his mother's love.... I was destroyed by this example..it was so abstract from the realities of my situation.... But all I heard is if I was a better mother my boys would still be going to church and not be gay. It's funny how I went there in my head when I really know that's not what was intended. I had Wayne and my friend's talk me off of "the Cliff" and get my head back on straight that what Elder Holland was really talking about. It was Mother's love their children NO MATTER WHAT. It's interesting to me that while I was feeling all of this, and going through the made up story in my head of mother failure, I got a text out of the blue from my bishop...he wrote, "You are that kind of Mother. " I texted back that I wasn't feeling it and didn't like that talk. He wrote, "Consider why out of the blue I would text you. You are that woman. I felt it and felt to let you know it. I'm not given to causal texts. It was clear to me, you are loved and known as are your children." As I look back at this, I know this was Heavenly Father telling me, that my mothering is okay. That my boys are okay. That I am the best mother for my boys and YES....I do love them NO MATTER WHAT! I am deeply grateful to have been entrusted with this unique and sacred calling of being a mother to LGBT children of our Father in Heaven.
Elder Holland said, "No love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child."
Sometimes when a certain topic comes up about which we feel strongly or that triggers strong emotions we can sometimes hear or see things from a different lens than that which the speaker intends. I also think that some general conference talks take on very different meanings for different people. I plan on listending to Elder Holland's talk again and looking for what was actually said.
While cleaning out the basement this August... I found this Brown Coach purse. I was so excited because it's my mom's purse. She always carreid a coach purse around and it came at a great time. I was just feeling sad after losing Marcie and my Dad was in his death bed, and I just felt like it was a warm hug to carry this purse around and feel close to my mom. So.... a few weeks later I'm in my kitchen and Truman's friend Aisha says, "Hey I like your purse." I told her thanks it was my mom's purse and how I was so excited to be carrying it. Aisha had a quizzical look on her face and said, "No it's not...it's mine" I said, I'm pretty sure it's my mom's and she said, " Remember when I went to San Francisco this summer, I left a box of my stuff in your basement including that purse...... " WHAT?!? We couldn't stop laughing..and even now when I tell this story it makes me giggle all over again. Aisha was very gracious about it and is letting me use her purse... it's rent for storing her stuff in my basement. Even though it's Aisha's for a while it was my mom's and I needed that.
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