I wonder

My family is falling apart.... or ....it's getting stronger.... I have yet to decide.
I wonder why we have so many earthly hardships to go through?
I wonder why our bodies are so fragile?
I wonder why some people live into their 80's and some die so young?
I wonder why I get to go from Marcie's ICU hospital room to my dad's hospital room?
I wonder what the next few months will bring?

Dad has kidney failure and is on dialysis now three times a week. He had a port out in his jugular and then moved about 8 inches down to his chest that won't stop bleeding. He had an angiogram to see if they could help his 35% heart function but discovered the only real way is through open heart surgery which he doesn't want.  He can't walk any more so will be released from the hospital to go to a care center and then physical therapy. 

Marcie has low blood sugar, low heart rate, a Uti, can't swallow, infected sores that won't heal, basically the chemo that's kicking cancers butt is also taking down Marcie. She is dehydrated and malnourished and does better in the Icu than at home.  If she can get out of the hospital she will go to a care center because she can't walk and needs physical therapy and then maybe she can start chemo again. 

With all of this I am .... I don't know???
Thinking that my life is more precious for being uncertain.
Sometime I just sit and don't do.
I can't think, I can eat.
I am bewildered and blessed.