In a fog

I've been in a fog as of late.  
It probably has something to do with my momma not being here.

We are now going through a lot of firsts..... the first time with out mom type of stuff.
Dad took as many of the family as he could get together, out to dinner Friday night to Joy Luck to celebrate his 54th wedding Anniversary.  Mom was there in spirit.  It was sweet.  We made it through with just a few tears.

I'm reading a really interesting book.... "Wife for Life"...my mom would love it.  It's right up her alley.  She would discuss the crap out of it.  I wish she was here so I could dissect it with her.  I would love to hear her top 10 things she does to remember who she is to feel alive.   It's called "romancing yourself."    Mine include sitting in the sun, exercising, biking, reading, blogging, family dinner, singing, pedicures, being in shows and going to the temple.

I still cry so easily when ANYONE comments about my sweet mom.  "I'm okay if I just don't have to talk to people".....that's what dad keeps saying.

I loved the funeral.  We have a recording available now and I've listened to it twice.  Such a celebration.  Now I'm going to find my Grandma Butter's funeral recording and listen to that just so I can hear my mom's voice.  I miss her voice.

Sitting here watching the Tony's.  I love the Tony award's show every year.  It's truly my favorite.  I enjoy watching the snippets of Musicals and plays and hearing the heartfelt acceptance speeches.  I need to get back to NYC to see some new theatre.  I know I get my theatre love from my mom.  We had all of the current Musical albums at our house growing up, and she was always dragging us to theatres all over the valley with her directing/choreography talents.
We would go to any show....love it or hate it; and then discuss it, tear it apart and  put it back together.  This could take hours and I enjoyed every minute of it.  My dad did not.

I'm wondering what show to audition for?   I'm going to sing every day this summer and not just in my car as I'm driving around town.

Making goals this summer is hard for me.  I'm usually all over it. Mom would cajole me into it. "Time is going to pass anyway, you might as well have something to show for it."   She would then pull out her chunky little notebook to write them down.