3 stories...

Laila is always getting me...... I am trying to teach her that it doesn't matter what other people think, it just matters what we think.

For example.

She is selling lemonade to make money for a digital camera, or a pink convertible when she's 16 or Primary Children's hospital.

We have a plastic pitcher that works fine, but we have lost the lid. She has to have a lid so "bugs don't fly in while she is waiting" to sell her drink. Addison offered a number of solutions to her...a plastic plate that sits on top, foil, plastic bag to cover...all of these were met with a look of disdain and an exasperated, "What will people think?" or "People will think that looks stupid and not buy anything."

We could not convince her otherwise.

Our voices weren't strong enough to cover the "people" voices in her head.

She does this a lot....her shoelaces have to be just so, her clothes just right, her hair done....she doesn't want to risk...."What will people think..."

Fast forward....

We are in our swimming suits and cover ups and heading down to Belnaps, a few doors down, to swim. Instead of walking, we get in Master Pri ( our car) and drive down. Laila can't figure out why.

I tell her she "can walk but I'm not going to because I don't want to walk in front of the road workers...and neighbors in my swimming suit. "

She offers up, "Mom it doesn't matter what people think...and you need the exercise."

OH it matters.....

Whatever!

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I did the Challenge course zip line while at Heber Valley Girls camp. It was great. I spent 2 hours cheering girls on, squealing with delight and helping girls off of the zipline harness.

Then it was my turn.

It looked like total fun.

I was full of confidence as I harnessed up and got my protective head gear on. As I looked up at the telephone pole, I was going to climb, I thought..."no problem." I climbed hand over hand on pegs...had to change my footing once...and continued up. I knew if I trusted the equipment, even if I fell, I wouldn't fall.

But then, I stepped out to the high wire that I needed to cross and it was wobbly and wanky. I held on to the flimsy rope for dear life...my stomach plummeted and thoughts of impending doom filled my head. "The equipment, trust the equipment! " I side stepped the 50 foot wire, going from rope to rope sweating like a crazy woman.

I was about 5 feet away from the zipline telephone pole. The worker had her hand outstretched to grab me. I couldn't let go of the rope to grab her hand. I was paralyzed. My body was shaking uncontrollably. I finally had to announce outloud, "My body is shaking like a leaf," for it to stop shaking.

It was a total out of comfort zone experience. When I finally mustered enough control to let go of the flimsy rope and grab the sturdy hand, I made it to the second telephone pole platform.

My heart was pounding.

The zipline was my reward.

I was caribeenered up, and dove off of the platform to fly across the line, squealing with delight!

This is so much like life.....easy, hard, difficult, rewarding.

I am glad I did it.

I would do it again.

I don't know what happened on that high wire.....but there's got to be a sacrament meeting talk in here somewhere.

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The crazy lady came for a visit on Friday.

She hasn't been around for a long time.

I am here after referring to this as dark Friday....July 23rd....dun, dun, dun....organ chord.

Why did crazy come back?

I am on DHEA. I have tried anxiety meds to get my PMS under control. They numbed me , but I couldn't feel sad or happy, just neutral-- so I went off of these, and found DHEA instead. It seriously helps me. I didn't remember how much til last friday. The problem is I took my DHEA sporadically while on the family vacay, then forgot it all together while at girls camp. This wouldn't have been so bad if it didn't happen to line up with the 2 days before my period.

PMS is not my friend....never has been. I have many sad moments of bad mothering, bad wife-ing and bad friending all wrapped around my PMS days.

So........... by dark Friday I was tightly wound and ready to snap.

Everything and everyone bugged me !!!!

friends

money

Lateness

promptness

hubby

the parade

gaps in the parade

kids running out to get candy at the parade

the heat

having to think about dinner

kids

house

the waiter

slow restaurant food

comments about diet coke

blues

family

BUGGED!!! I hope to not repeat these negative feelings and thoughts again. It's almost an out of body experience. I know I need to stop talking and keep my thoughts to myself...but I can't.

I breathe...and cry.....and scream in my head some more.

Some one slap me please!

I apologize to my hubby for taking the brunt of this and thank him for sticking around.

I am glad to announce that crazy lady has left the building.

I may share some crazy lady experiences at a later date...they are pretty comical in hind sight...the one about the pink go fish cards, the one about being escorted out of the social security building, oh, and then there's the one about me threatening an armed police man, telling off a group of teenagers, biting my cheeks til they almost bled so I wouldn't scream at the top of my lungs at mpjh parent teacher conference that "this school sucks" ...oh the list goes on and on....

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