Cross E Ranch was gorgeous! We have had so much rain every weekend since September… that this was the best, driest day to go– so there were a lot of people with the same idea. Monson family, Addison family, Wayne and I went. We ate the obligatory apple cider donuts, and did the slides and pig races, and saw the goats and chickens and played in the corn. It feels like a Hallmark movie just walking around this place.
Grandkid game night was fun– we had Alfie, George, Tayla, Lady, and Elsie. It was our Halloween Dismal Dinner and I told the kids to wear dismal colors: black, brown and gray clothes and that they had to have bland, expressionless faces. They all did great– and once in a while we had to cover our mouths up cuz we were smiling and giggling behind our hands.
We ate blood, guts, and brains for dinner (ketchup, nuggets, and ramen), and then they had to draw a scary face and name it, and introduce their picture in a spooky way. It was a hoot. We got a variety of names: Bob, Puddle Duddle, Dead Fred, Frankenstein Welch, and Skibbidi Toilet.
We tried to do the “eat sour candy and see if their faces could remain expressionless game”, but I couldn’t find Warheads candy, and the sour patch kids weren’t sour enough. The kids just liked them and had no effect. We will try this game again with more sour candy. Wayne made soft ice cream with his amazing machine. These kids LOVE ice cream.
We did a monster/mummy dance and Alfie played “This is Halloween” on the piano. We played card games and watched a bit of Sonic 3 then the parents showed up.
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| Laila uses A Bountiful Kitchen cookbook by Si Foster as her go to for many recipes. She's getting the ingredients for her butternut squash soup. |
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| October birthdays: Tayla, Bre and Poppy |
Faith is what gives me this light and this drive.
There is so much data and science that the human brain does better when it believes in a higher power. Children do better when served a value structure that includes this. So much science backs this up.
I know religious trauma is real and questioning is constant and also there is so much data to support how much better it is for identity, belonging, safety and confidence to give kids and ourselves something to hold on to.
You can decide not to…. I tried it for awhile….but it’s more fun to believe. It doesn’t always feel easier to believe. It’s not popular to believe. But it’s more enjoyable to hope in something, to trust in something, to believe in something.
Some fun things that happened in September...
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| We got our band shirts!!! |
We had it at the pavilion behind Gary’s church. The weather was perfect! We gathered and I had a board that I wanted everyone to write one word to describe Lyle–
We did this while we all put tattoos of Dad’s face on our arms. Dad would have hated the tattoo part. Most of us wore blue- his favorite color…and Nelson had his little 5-month-old Lily in a BYU cheer outfit.
We brought pics of Dad and some books and artifacts to look at. Al and Liz were in charge of the wiffle ball game- since baseball was one of his favorite sports– and it’s what dad would do every time we got together. We got a big group picture and sang “Once I Went in Swimming” at the top of our lungs. We ate chocolate chip cookies- his favorite and Dad would always sneeze after he ate one.
Then we all sat around and shared memories of Dad-/Grandpa Lyle. We laughed a lot.
Some things included;
Shoes on for a natural disaster
Wave hello to everyone
Breathe out bad Utah air, breathe in good Idaho air
Loved to Yodel
Favorite scripture Matthew 23:11: "He who is the greatest among you let him be your servant. " He usually said this while serving us in some way.
“You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but don’t pick grandma‘s flowers”
Chinese Checkers— “kachoonka”
Stealing watermelons
Look in a pregnant woman’s eyes to see when she’s ready "to calve ."
Thin pancakes for breakfast. Singing every morning.
Dad threw a pitcher of water in Marcie’s face when she was complaining about setting the table-- she was 9.
"I am sufficiently susponsified and anything else would be superfluous," - He said this at the end of a meal.
12 people were named after my dad in some way…All my boys with Cole as their middle name, Jordan Cole Call, Nelson Call, Preston Brown, Cole Fulton ( Jenny Poulter’s son) Great grandsons- Alfie Lyle and Silas Lyle and Great granddaugher Elsie ( L.C.) And a boy from dad’s ward- Cole Kasteller.
I played a video of Dad singing with Mom and yodeling. Then we played a guessing game all about dad with prizes being Snickers bars….his favorite! I’m really happy how it all turned out and I love my family for being so willing to participate.
Name places Lyle lived:
Fairview, Idaho ( born)
Moscow, Idaho ( University of Idaho)
MILITARY: Fort Ord, California and Camp Chaffee Arkansas, for cook school, Fort Jackson,
South Carolina and Camp Gordon, Georgia
Provo- BYU
Southern States mission ( Florida, Georgia, Alabama, South Carolina)
Bountiful
Name Lyle’s favorite desserts/ treats:
Chocolate chip cookies
Cherry Pie
Apple Fritter
Candy corn
Snickers
Raisen cookies
Name Lyle’s major/minor in College:
Agriculture Economics with a minor in business
Lyle’s favorite sports:
Baseball/softball (New York Yankees and Detroit Tigers- when growing up only teams on the radio)
#1 in Boxing ( 135 lb)
Lyle’s school nickname:
Coke
Freshman class president
Senior Class president
While on the farm, what did Dad long to be when he grew up?
Beer truck driver - air conditioning
His dad said,” If I had my choice between the dairy cows (he milked 14-120 every day of his life)and the
Utah State prison, I would probably choose the prison becaue you would have more freedom.”
Jobs Dad had:
Farm- milking cows
“Hashing’ at the University of Idaho– set up tables, pulled chairs out for girls and served two meals a day -
waiter- white glove style
Road construction with Sorenson brothers
Car detailer at Oldsmobile place in Provo
ZCMI department store
Cole Esquire in Bounitful
Real Estate
Entrepreneur businesses—
Surveyor for the county
Name Lyle’s siblings
Jay T., Gerry, Phyllis, Roma
½ with mom: Thelma, Dean
½ with dad: Joseph Edwin, Ethel, Vernon, Myron, Earl, Lowell
Lyle’s top TV shows after age 65:
Matlock
Heartland
ANY sport
Livestock shows
Tractor and trailer
Lyle’s hobbies:
Gardening, Golfing, Fishing, Horses
Nicknames he gave his children:
Marcie- Sarcie Ann
Melinda - La
Adam - Dammit Adam
Liz - "E" , Swish
Angela - Anjalouie
Dad’s go to songs he would sing:
Pretty little girl in blue - yodel
Once I went a swimming
God gave the wise men their wisdom ( played recording)
Going home - funeral song
I wear a chain - Ghost of Marley
Cool, Clear Water-- when one of us needed to go to the bathroom and pee
Name the countries Dad has been in:
US, Scotland, Ireland, England, Mexico, Canada
We had a really good, loving, kind father. I loved feeling my dad so close to me as I prepared for this day. I went through his writings and journals and photos and felt him near. I believe angels attend us. ANd what better angels to have around then my parents and other relatives who have gone before?
Pres. Holland spoke about angels. He famously taught, “Don’t underestimate your family on the other side of the veil.” Loved ones in the spirit world are helping and assisting those of us on Earth. He emphasized that family members who have passed away are still active and involved in our lives. He taught about the importance of believing in and recognizing the “ministering of angels,” which includes spiritual beings who act as “angels in our lives", providing divine help and care. Pres. John Taylor taught that “God lives, and his eyes are over us, and his angels are round and about us, and they are more interested in us than we are in ourselves, ten thousand times, but we do not know it.” I remember my mom calling on her angels when one of us was in crisis or needed help. She believed that angels are present and active in our lives and so do I. I often call on my angels to help my loved ones.
This is my talk given in the Water Tower Branch:
I did a tough thing this summer. Wayne, Bob, Diane Lake, and I climbed the Manitou Incline. Have you ever heard of it? I hadn’t either, but it’s a strenuous hike in Manitou Springs, Colorado, at the base of Pike’s Peak.
The Incline has 2744 steps straight up to the top. The steps are made mostly of railroad ties. Some steps are like half a railroad tie, and some are up to 3 railroad ties high…so not regular steps. It’s a mile hike of vertical feet… a staircase straight up a mountain. Only four out of every 10 people who start this hike actually finish it. It starts at 6,000 feet above sea level and finishes over 8,000 feet. So breathing can get difficult.
We started out strong. 1, 2, 3 steps, 200 steps, then 1,000 steps.
Because it's a slow hike, there is plenty of time to meet and talk to people on the hike. One such person we met was Jesse. He did not look like your typical hiker. He weighed 340 lbs (he shared this information) and was determined to do this hike six steps at a time. That's exactly what he did. Six steps, then stop on the trail and breathe, then six more. He did it in bite-sized pieces, and it worked. I was impressed by his perseverance and optimism.
1,500 steps
There are a couple of places on the Incline that you can bail out and not have to reach the top. You can quit. I tell you, I considered it. It was hot- so hot. The temperature hovered around 100 degrees. Our clothes were drenched with sweat. We rationed out our water, and mandarin oranges never tasted so delicious. At one point, I was only able to take three steps and then catch my breath and take three more.
My brain was encouraging me to quit, thoughts of... "What's the big deal? No one cares if you do this. You don't need to prove anything. You need to be in better shape to do this. This isn't fun. This is too hard." I had to talk to my brain instead of just listening to it. I had to tell my brain “that I wanted to be here, that I was grateful to be able to do this, that my body wasn't in pain, and that sometimes it's cool to do hard things.”
1,800 steps
The negative thoughts persisted and returned again and again.
This hard hike took a lot of talking to my brain, and not just listening to it. I told myself I could do it. I told myself if Jesse could do it, so could I. I told myself I was grateful for a body that could hike. I told myself what a glorious view and what a lovely day it was. I told myself this is not a race, just do it at my pace and don’t compare myself to others. All of these thoughts kept me on the Incline moving onward and upward. 2,400 steps.
2,744 steps!
When you reach the top of the incline, everyone who has already accomplished this cheers for you. We cheered for Jesse and many others who came after us. I felt really proud to have accomplished such a hard hike.
Our time on earth is a lot like this hike. We all experience the same path, but not all with the same degree of difficulty or carrying the same things in our backpacks, or we have varying things that weigh us down.
Today, I would like to speak to those of us who want to give up. To those who sometimes feel that this life seems to be working for everyone except me. To those who have failed again and again and think that God is disappointed in me. To those who wonder about repentance and forgiveness. To those of us who continue to make the same mistakes over and over, who think God could never love me.
I’m basing many of my remarks today on Sister Runia’s talk from April’s General Conference. entitled, “Your repentance doesn’t burden Jesus Christ; It brightens His joy.” And step #2 in the 12-step addiction recovery program
It's extraordinary to me how thoughts in our heads sound like truth, just because we are thinking them. But really, thoughts in our heads come and go just like clouds in the sky… and we can latch on to them and believe them or not. Many negative thoughts that go through our heads are from the adversary trying to bring us down.
We all have this in common– negative thoughts in our heads that try to get us to leave God’s path. They tell us to stop trying, to give up.
Satan knows just what to say to us to get us off the path. To get us to feel shame about our mistakes and not want to repent.
Here’s the truth: We don’t stay on the path by never making a mistake. We stay on the path by repenting every day.
When I was younger, the word repent seemed very scary to me. Something I wanted to avoid at all costs, so I did my best to obey and try to be good all the time, so I wouldn’t have to repent. I hid a lot of things from my parents, as well as from myself. I thought I had to be perfect for God to love me. I didn’t want God to be disappointed in me.
What I’ve come to know is that God is never disappointed in me or you, and I was distancing myself from God, waiting to be clean enough or perfect enough before I went to the Savior. This distancing was hurting me. I was confused about God’s plan of repentance.
Repentance isn’t plan B. Repentance is the PLAN. Repentance means to change and to turn back to God. And how many times in the scriptures are we told that we can repent and turn to God…70x7– which is really forever.
That’s what he wants from us – to turn to him, to connect with Him. To connect with his commandments and to keep doing this over and over again throughout our lives.
Imagine that when the Lord says “Repent, Repent ”…what he is really saying is “I love you. I love you.” Picture Him pleading with you to leave behind the behavior that is causing you pain and to step out of the darkness and turn back to His light.
Sister Runia reminds us that, “The invitation to repent is an expression of God’s love for us. Saying yes to that invitation is an expression of our Love for God.”
We don’t stay on the path by never making a mistake; we stay on the path by repenting every day.
And when we are repenting, God forgives without shaming us, comparing us to anyone else, or scolding us because this is the same thing we were repenting of last week. He’s excited every time He hears us pray. He reaches us in our reaching. He delights to forgive us because to Him we are delightful.
Why is it so hard for us to believe this?
Satan, the great accuser and deceiver, uses shame to keep us from God. Shame is a darkness. Shame feels very heavy. Shame is the voice in your head that beats you up, saying, “What were you thinking? Do you ever get anything right? You're so stupid. No one loves or cares about you.”
We all make mistakes…. Big ones, small ones. We can feel guilt about these and make things right, or we can feel shame.
Guilt tells us we made a mistake. Shame tells us we are our mistakes. You may even hear the adversary say, “What does it matter? Why try? You are too far gone. God doesn’t want you.” OR as he told Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, “ Run, Hide!” Satan does everything in his power to keep the heaviness inside us, telling us the cost is too high, that we will lose everything, that it will be easier if this stays in the darkness, removing all hope.
Satan is the thief of Hope.
My friend Si Foster has been to India many times to help in a Leper Colony there. Leprosy is alive and well in many places throughout our world.. It’s not just an old-time disease in the Bible. Si washes feet, holds decaying hands, applies fresh Band-Aids, sings, smiles, cooks for, and looks into sad eyes, trying to help these people feel a little bit more loved, cared for, and watched over. She is a great example to me of charity. There is still a lot of shame wrapped around Leprosy. When people get leprosy, it first shows up as tiny white dots around the collarbone. The incredible thing about leprosy is that it can be cured with a pill if it is noticed in time– this pill only costs $1.50. But because Leprosy is a disease filled with shame, when people first have the signs, they don’t seek help. They hide it. They’re too ashamed. So face cavities fall in and fingers, and skin, are gone before they come out of their shame-filled darkness and ask for help.
Why do we keep so much of our shame buried? Why don’t we ask for help? Because that voice in our head tells us no one would understand. That people will turn away from us, that it’s embarrassing.
Here’s what I KNOW to be true: You are not the negative voice in your head or the mistakes you have made. You may need to say that out loud many times in the mirror. “I am not the negative voice in my head. I am not the mistakes I have made. I am a child of God."
So when this negative talk happens,.....Talk back to your brain, don’t just listen to it, just like I did while hiking up the Manitou Incline so I could keep on going.
God offers us a remedy for Shame. “ Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me… For I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29
I promise that the minute we turn to God and bring our mess, our brokenness, and troubles to Him that He is immediately there. The shame stops.
Alma 34:31–
“Yea, ….. if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you.”
Jesus Christ is forever brighter than the darkness of Shame. He would never attack our worth. Learning about the character of God, we know He would say something like, “I love you. Turn to me. Let’s do this together. Just keep trying.” He is not belittling, mean, or degrading. He is uplifting.
Jesus Christ is hope.
Sis. Runia shared this great visual in her talk. So watch closely. Imagine that this hand represents worth. This hand represents obedience. Maybe you woke up this morning, said a prayer, and had a desire to let God into your life. You smiled at a stranger. You’ve made good decisions and are treating people around you well. Or maybe things haven’t gone so well. You’ve struggled and failed to do those small, simple things that make your life go better. You lied. You’ve made some decisions you aren’t proud of.
Where is your worth? Has this hand moved at all?
Your worth isn’t tied to obedience. Your worth is constant; it never changes. It was given to you by God, and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to change it. Obedience brings blessings that is true. But worth isn’t one of them. Your worth is always “great in the sight of God.” No matter where your choices have taken you.
We are all on the same earthly hike, but we all have varying degrees of difficulty as we climb to the mountain top. Our Savior is the only one who truly knows the difficulty you are experiencing. He’s felt it. He knows if you are trying. He knows the baby steps and big steps. He knows your failings and discouragement. He knows.
So don’t you want a relationship with the one being who truly gets you, who knows your heart and how hard you're trying?
Why do we wait so long to repent, to turn to God, who loves us more than any other? Why would we run from the only being who’s able and willing to help us become what we were created to become?
Coming unto Christ is saying, “Will you help me?” with hope and assurance that His arms are extended to you always.
Even though we don’t have perfect obedience yet, we can try to have “affectionate” obedience now. Sister Runia explained that, “Affectionate obedience means choosing to keep His commandments and try again and again because we love Him.”
Elder Rasband reminds us, “'A saint is a sinner who keeps on trying.' God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep on trying.”
So on those days when you feel that voice telling you that you aren’t worth much, that you should hide in a dark room and isolate yourself. I invite you to turn to God in your mess, to be brave and believe in Jesus. Bask in HIS Light. Work on your relationship with Him. It’s not too late. It’s never too late.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said this…."However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don't have or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love."
Heaven isn’t for perfect people; it’s for people who choose Jesus Christ again and again.
I believe Angels cheer for us when we do this, just like we were cheered when we reached the top of the Manitou Incline.
I testify this is true…the Lord loves us and wants us to remember our worth, to get out of shame, to repent and turn to HIM, again and again.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
