Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Shapers and Girdles and chub...oh my

I was just cleaning out my underwear drawer and found a plethora of shapers and girdles and the sort. What is up with that? I have 9 at last count.

I have one that is too short in the body and scrunches my down and everything else when I wear it. I have a tank looking one that is too short, and an hour after wearing it, it's rolled up under my bra. I have to constantly roll it down, smoothing and fixing it. I have one that I pull on my legs, that goes up around my midrif-- and the top keeps rolling down past my belly. I have a too-tiny thigh squeezer one that is really hard to get in and out of. I have lace ones, and elastic ones, white, ecru and tan ones.

I keep trying to find the one that will keep me all tucked in and will stay all tucked in without me having to be in a body suit. I like the single long shaper top. I've tried the one piece body suit type too. Body suits make it very difficult to make the quick potty stop and I need to make the quick one. I have the bladder of a horse, ask Kimi, but when I have to pee-- I have to get in their and do my business quickly. No time to spend minutes, even seconds struggling to de-shape myself. When nature calls-- it's a fast one.

I struggle with this whole idea. I struggle with getting the thigh/butt shaper over my thighs and butt too. Then just when I get it on, the chub bubbles over the top. My midriff/muffin top is oozing out on to everything else. I guess it has to be squeezed somewhere.

I remember being in Relief Society once, just after Barbara S.told all of us that we all needed to get a girdle/shaper. Laura and I of course, ran out and bought one. Laura was teaching the lesson and right in the middle of it, she pulled out on her elastic shaper and exclaimed to everyone, "I can't breathe!"
It was so funny, but true.

What are we thinking?
What am I thinking?
I just want to find something that keeps my chub from being chubby. Is that too much to ask? I want to be able to sit and stand and walk with out feeling like I'm all tied up in a straight jacket. I want to not have chub bubbling over from my bra line and belly.

OH my word...AARGH!!!

In the mean time I'll keep adding to my collection of crazy elastic under things, hoping to find the miracle one that truly shapes me into a size 6.

I guess the only real solution is to get rid of my chub the old fashioned way.........surgery.
Just Kidding.


Si said...

Oh gosh. I SO remember that lesson of Laura's. So, so, Funny. HEY-Maybe we could make a quilt out of all of our shapers?????

barbyb said...

Hey! I didn't realize you were trashing me in your blog. . . .I guess I'll stop laughing. . . .(okay, no I won't). . . I AM craving cookie dough now, though, after reading the one below. . .sigh. . . . I love you, Melinda!