This is my talk given in the Water Tower Branch:
I did a tough thing this summer. Wayne, Bob, Diane Lake, and I climbed the Manitou Incline. Have you ever heard of it? I hadn’t either, but it’s a strenuous hike in Manitou Springs, Colorado, at the base of Pike’s Peak.
The Incline has 2744 steps straight up to the top. The steps are made mostly of railroad ties. Some steps are like half a railroad tie, and some are up to 3 railroad ties high…so not regular steps. It’s a mile hike of vertical feet… a staircase straight up a mountain. Only four out of every 10 people who start this hike actually finish it. It starts at 6,000 feet above sea level and finishes over 8,000 feet. So breathing can get difficult.
We started out strong. 1, 2, 3 steps, 200 steps, then 1,000 steps.
Because it's a slow hike, there is plenty of time to meet and talk to people on the hike. One such person we met was Jesse. He did not look like your typical hiker. He weighed 340 lbs (he shared this information) and was determined to do this hike six steps at a time. That's exactly what he did. Six steps, then stop on the trail and breathe, then six more. He did it in bite-sized pieces, and it worked. I was impressed by his perseverance and optimism.
1,500 steps
There are a couple of places on the Incline that you can bail out and not have to reach the top. You can quit. I tell you, I considered it. It was hot- so hot. The temperature hovered around 100 degrees. Our clothes were drenched with sweat. We rationed out our water, and mandarin oranges never tasted so delicious. At one point, I was only able to take three steps and then catch my breath and take three more.
My brain was encouraging me to quit, thoughts of... "What's the big deal? No one cares if you do this. You don't need to prove anything. You need to be in better shape to do this. This isn't fun. This is too hard." I had to talk to my brain instead of just listening to it. I had to tell my brain “that I wanted to be here, that I was grateful to be able to do this, that my body wasn't in pain, and that sometimes it's cool to do hard things.”
1,800 steps
The negative thoughts persisted and returned again and again.
This hard hike took a lot of talking to my brain, and not just listening to it. I told myself I could do it. I told myself if Jesse could do it, so could I. I told myself I was grateful for a body that could hike. I told myself what a glorious view and what a lovely day it was. I told myself this is not a race, just do it at my pace and don’t compare myself to others. All of these thoughts kept me on the Incline moving onward and upward. 2,400 steps.
2,744 steps!
When you reach the top of the incline, everyone who has already accomplished this cheers for you. We cheered for Jesse and many others who came after us. I felt really proud to have accomplished such a hard hike.
Our time on earth is a lot like this hike. We all experience the same path, but not all with the same degree of difficulty or carrying the same things in our backpacks, or we have varying things that weigh us down.
Today, I would like to speak to those of us who want to give up. To those who sometimes feel that this life seems to be working for everyone except me. To those who have failed again and again and think that God is disappointed in me. To those who wonder about repentance and forgiveness. To those of us who continue to make the same mistakes over and over, who think God could never love me.
I’m basing many of my remarks today on Sister Runia’s talk from April’s General Conference. entitled, “Your repentance doesn’t burden Jesus Christ; It brightens His joy.” And step #2 in the 12-step addiction recovery program
It's extraordinary to me how thoughts in our heads sound like truth, just because we are thinking them. But really, thoughts in our heads come and go just like clouds in the sky… and we can latch on to them and believe them or not. Many negative thoughts that go through our heads are from the adversary trying to bring us down.
We all have this in common– negative thoughts in our heads that try to get us to leave God’s path. They tell us to stop trying, to give up.
Satan knows just what to say to us to get us off the path. To get us to feel shame about our mistakes and not want to repent.
Here’s the truth: We don’t stay on the path by never making a mistake. We stay on the path by repenting every day.
When I was younger, the word repent seemed very scary to me. Something I wanted to avoid at all costs, so I did my best to obey and try to be good all the time, so I wouldn’t have to repent. I hid a lot of things from my parents, as well as from myself. I thought I had to be perfect for God to love me. I didn’t want God to be disappointed in me.
What I’ve come to know is that God is never disappointed in me or you, and I was distancing myself from God, waiting to be clean enough or perfect enough before I went to the Savior. This distancing was hurting me. I was confused about God’s plan of repentance.
Repentance isn’t plan B. Repentance is the PLAN. Repentance means to change and to turn back to God. And how many times in the scriptures are we told that we can repent and turn to God…70x7– which is really forever.
That’s what he wants from us – to turn to him, to connect with Him. To connect with his commandments and to keep doing this over and over again throughout our lives.
Imagine that when the Lord says “Repent, Repent ”…what he is really saying is “I love you. I love you.” Picture Him pleading with you to leave behind the behavior that is causing you pain and to step out of the darkness and turn back to His light.
Sister Runia reminds us that, “The invitation to repent is an expression of God’s love for us. Saying yes to that invitation is an expression of our Love for God.”
We don’t stay on the path by never making a mistake; we stay on the path by repenting every day.
And when we are repenting, God forgives without shaming us, comparing us to anyone else, or scolding us because this is the same thing we were repenting of last week. He’s excited every time He hears us pray. He reaches us in our reaching. He delights to forgive us because to Him we are delightful.
Why is it so hard for us to believe this?
Satan, the great accuser and deceiver, uses shame to keep us from God. Shame is a darkness. Shame feels very heavy. Shame is the voice in your head that beats you up, saying, “What were you thinking? Do you ever get anything right? You're so stupid. No one loves or cares about you.”
We all make mistakes…. Big ones, small ones. We can feel guilt about these and make things right, or we can feel shame.
Guilt tells us we made a mistake. Shame tells us we are our mistakes. You may even hear the adversary say, “What does it matter? Why try? You are too far gone. God doesn’t want you.” OR as he told Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, “ Run, Hide!” Satan does everything in his power to keep the heaviness inside us, telling us the cost is too high, that we will lose everything, that it will be easier if this stays in the darkness, removing all hope.
Satan is the thief of Hope.
My friend Si Foster has been to India many times to help in a Leper Colony there. Leprosy is alive and well in many places throughout our world.. It’s not just an old-time disease in the Bible. Si washes feet, holds decaying hands, applies fresh Band-Aids, sings, smiles, cooks for, and looks into sad eyes, trying to help these people feel a little bit more loved, cared for, and watched over. She is a great example to me of charity. There is still a lot of shame wrapped around Leprosy. When people get leprosy, it first shows up as tiny white dots around the collarbone. The incredible thing about leprosy is that it can be cured with a pill if it is noticed in time– this pill only costs $1.50. But because Leprosy is a disease filled with shame, when people first have the signs, they don’t seek help. They hide it. They’re too ashamed. So face cavities fall in and fingers, and skin, are gone before they come out of their shame-filled darkness and ask for help.
Why do we keep so much of our shame buried? Why don’t we ask for help? Because that voice in our head tells us no one would understand. That people will turn away from us, that it’s embarrassing.
Here’s what I KNOW to be true: You are not the negative voice in your head or the mistakes you have made. You may need to say that out loud many times in the mirror. “I am not the negative voice in my head. I am not the mistakes I have made. I am a child of God."
So when this negative talk happens,.....Talk back to your brain, don’t just listen to it, just like I did while hiking up the Manitou Incline so I could keep on going.
God offers us a remedy for Shame. “ Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me… For I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29
I promise that the minute we turn to God and bring our mess, our brokenness, and troubles to Him that He is immediately there. The shame stops.
Alma 34:31–
“Yea, ….. if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you.”
Jesus Christ is forever brighter than the darkness of Shame. He would never attack our worth. Learning about the character of God, we know He would say something like, “I love you. Turn to me. Let’s do this together. Just keep trying.” He is not belittling, mean, or degrading. He is uplifting.
Jesus Christ is hope.
Sis. Runia shared this great visual in her talk. So watch closely. Imagine that this hand represents worth. This hand represents obedience. Maybe you woke up this morning, said a prayer, and had a desire to let God into your life. You smiled at a stranger. You’ve made good decisions and are treating people around you well. Or maybe things haven’t gone so well. You’ve struggled and failed to do those small, simple things that make your life go better. You lied. You’ve made some decisions you aren’t proud of.
Where is your worth? Has this hand moved at all?
Your worth isn’t tied to obedience. Your worth is constant; it never changes. It was given to you by God, and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to change it. Obedience brings blessings that is true. But worth isn’t one of them. Your worth is always “great in the sight of God.” No matter where your choices have taken you.
We are all on the same earthly hike, but we all have varying degrees of difficulty as we climb to the mountain top. Our Savior is the only one who truly knows the difficulty you are experiencing. He’s felt it. He knows if you are trying. He knows the baby steps and big steps. He knows your failings and discouragement. He knows.
So don’t you want a relationship with the one being who truly gets you, who knows your heart and how hard you're trying?
Why do we wait so long to repent, to turn to God, who loves us more than any other? Why would we run from the only being who’s able and willing to help us become what we were created to become?
Coming unto Christ is saying, “Will you help me?” with hope and assurance that His arms are extended to you always.
Even though we don’t have perfect obedience yet, we can try to have “affectionate” obedience now. Sister Runia explained that, “Affectionate obedience means choosing to keep His commandments and try again and again because we love Him.”
Elder Rasband reminds us, “'A saint is a sinner who keeps on trying.' God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep on trying.”
So on those days when you feel that voice telling you that you aren’t worth much, that you should hide in a dark room and isolate yourself. I invite you to turn to God in your mess, to be brave and believe in Jesus. Bask in HIS Light. Work on your relationship with Him. It’s not too late. It’s never too late.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said this…."However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don't have or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love."
Heaven isn’t for perfect people; it’s for people who choose Jesus Christ again and again.
I believe Angels cheer for us when we do this, just like we were cheered when we reached the top of the Manitou Incline.
I testify this is true…the Lord loves us and wants us to remember our worth, to get out of shame, to repent and turn to HIM, again and again.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
