April Happenings

I've been crocheting EVERYTHING.  I love putting crochet sleeves on shirts.  I fixed Landon's Hercles sweatshirt with new sleeves!  

I took Lexi out to dinner and to see Wicked for her birthday.  This is the first time for her and she loved it!!  We accidentally wore green and pink.  ( see my green crochet sleeves). 

Monson and Addison got to be on stage together as dancing bankers in a Mary Poppins ballet.  They were good sports, for their girls who were also dancing.

We had Lady and Poppy’s Mary Poppins’ ballet– they were dancing penguins and it was cute.  They had the bankers be some of the dancer's dads–- so Monson and Addison were involved– it was cute to see them onstage doing a kick line.    Addison made a bet with some of the Jr. high age kids he knows because of CPT academy that are also dancers in the ballet.  He bet them a hundred dollars if they could pick out his blood brother who is also a dad.  They picked out 3 other dads and NEVER mentioned Monson. Too funny.

I love how my family just supports each otehr soooo well.  The Buzelli's are great at this!

 It’s been a week of SNAP.  Special Needs Activity program…and it’s Production.  The production this year was all about superheroes and having superpowers of the Heart. 

We had  8 different group songs and then two final numbers that included everyone…. "What a Wonderful World" - with Sign language and from High School Musical… “We’re all in this together.”  They did so good!! It was an audience participation show… we asked the audience to sing along to the scene songs and put their flashlights on and sway when they feel like it, and participate in the wave as well.  The energy was electrifying!  I enjoyed it so much. 

So grateful for such good scene leaders and help from Erin and Mitch Perkins. Scene leaders included:
1: A Whole New world (girl/boy). Jo Atkinson and Kim Johnston and Kathleen Blake 2: You can Fly (girl/boy) Wendy, Hailey and Heather Hodgkinson 3: You’ve Got a Friend in Me (Girl/boy) Dani and Lexi Edgar 4 : Let it Go (girl) Angie Smith and Melanie Larsen 5 : The Bare Necessities (boy) Jan Hedberg and Kimi Farley 6: How Far I’ll Go (girl). Mel Evans and Jo Murdock 7 : Supercalifragilistic (girl/boy). Erin Perkins and Kate Lee 8 : Go the Distance (boy) Natalie Stobbe

The kids on stage had big Superman S’s on their t-shirts and everyone wore colorful capes.  Holly did great!  She made sure she moved herself to the front of the stage to do the sign language for "I am a Child of God."

Me and Erin Perkins

Kathleen Blake, Brandi and Me

Mel Evans, Holly and Me

Dani, Lora, Lexi and Sami Edgar...and ME

Wayne with Jacob Merrell

 This always takes a lot of time and commitment, and I’m always grateful that I do it. All of my scene leaders loved it too.   Wayne’s baking me a lot of bread so I can thank all of my scene leaders…he’s so good at this.

Faith filled Letter

A Letter to a friend in a faith journey.....

I see your struggle. I hear your arguments. And I feel compelled to write how I see it, and I hope to encourage you to keep going.  These are a bunch of my random thoughts. Hopefully, it may make sense to you as I share my heart…

I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because here I  find Light and Truth.  When I find more light and truth outside of the church, I’m excited to learn about it.  But this church is my home base. 

Here’s the truth:    You just get to decide what you want to believe.  Who do you want to be and what you want your life and your family’s life to look like? 

I’ve tried at times to be a non-believer, and I like myself more as a believer…I believe in the spiritual, heavenly angels and tender mercies. It’s fun to be a believer and NOT have all the answers. I didn’t always feel this way…But I do now. Being a believer or a non-believer both take a leap of faith.  

We will never be able to prove that the Church is true or false beyond a reasonable doubt.  For every critic who has some complaint about church history, or BoM, there is a pretty good answer or some evidence and a counter-narrative that shows the opposite…and vice versa.

AND that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s called Faith.  You just get to decide.

There’s always going to be a gap.

There is a scale of doubt and belief.   The scale can shift either way…some things on my doubt scale have been solved, and now it’s on my belief side….. or some things I believed, now I doubt, but I can do this IN the church, I don’t have to leave to do this.  We don’t need to hang so tightly onto our own opinions.  Things change…ebb and flow.  

 I say “maybe” a lot.  I don’t really know and you don’t really know either…..so it’s a maybe.        We have a culture in the church of saying, “I know….” But where’s the Faith in that?  

“I don’t know much, but I choose to believe this is God’s church and Jesus is my Savior.” 

Giving up on I know statements and trading in for I believe ones feels freeing and liberating.

  How the mind works… We are not our thoughts!  Our thoughts occur in our brain, and we can observe what’s going on there.  We are the thinkers, the contributors at times, but thoughts are not us.   

( The deeper self/soul is who we are.  We are every age we have ever been.   Our true self lives on and is eternal. Another discussion for another day.)  

You can think whatever you want to think.

People have always dismissed or left the church…. And people continue to join or stay in the church.  You get to decide.

I’ve heard it taught this way……as a member of the church, you have gospel exclamation points- spiritual experiences, priesthood blessings, Book of Mormon is true…..  And also gospel questions like… I don’t agree with polygamy and have some problems with church history or what Brigham Young said about race and the LGBTQ stance. When you start to struggle with the church, your exclamation points become polygamy, Brigham Young, church history, LGBTQ … and you question your spiritual experiences, priesthood blessings, Book of Mormon and testimony.  It totally flips.  

At this point we often Maximize voices out of the church… and minimize church narratives.       Was Joseph Smith a prophet?  What about polygamy? All the critics are saying the “right” things, and people in the church are saying the “wrong” things.   You start to form a new narrative, which then leads you out.  

Your lens changes over time…..(depending on who you hang out with, what you listen to, what you fill your brain with, how you spend your time.)  

It feels like the curtain has been pulled back and you see the wizard of oz for who he is….  but all of these are just thoughts.

In deciding about polygamy and Joseph Smith, Brigham Young etc is when Paradox comes into play…..   we can learn to hold two things in contradiction.  We can live in dissonance.  We can have competing narratives.     Joseph Smith and polygamy are difficult for me, and I don’t agree with this practice and Joseph Smith brought forth the Book of Mormon, which teaches truth and strengthens my testimony of Jesus Christ.    (The brain doesn’t like dissonance because it likes things to be simple.  It thinks you are in danger.  There is no danger here. Talk to your brain and remind it you are safe. ) 

Buddha said, ”The deepest truth isn’t understood by the rational mind.”  And as I ask questions I can see how this is true.  

So what keeps me here?  What are my exclamation points? 

The Book of Mormon.  I believe in its divine origins and it speaks truth to me.  

My belief in a Heavenly Mother that only this church speaks of ( although minimally, but she’s in the temple!) 

Priesthood blessings and remembering spiritual experiences that are tied into this. ( Stephi, Laila, Laura) 

Being challenged and loved by a ward family who are also striving to be Christ-like. 

Having a living Prophet over a Living church, that continues to be restored, so changes can and do happen.

Traditions of my mother and father and grandparents who all led stellar lives!

I just decided.

I now see myself as a nuanced church member. I accept some things and I don’t others…and I’m okay with that. And I feel God is okay with that, too. HE sees me and knows my heart.  I find great comfort in this.   I find people who stay,  who are on the margins of the church, have a more open, fluid way of thinking about things, and are easier to talk and relate to.  This is my role now for others.  I can hear and try to understand…and find it fascinating, and interesting…and maybe they’re right, and maybe they’re not. None of this threatens my testimony.   

 I believe the Holy Spirit is my teacher and it’s good to ask hard questions and grapple with things.  Some questions’ answers require more life experience, some take time, some require learning something I didn’t know before.  I’m not in a hurry for answers.  Now I let the spirit guide and don’t hold so fast to my own opinions. 

It’s not a faith crisis.  There’s no rush.. It’s not a crisis.  The house is not on fire.  Life is a journey….and this is all part of it.  We get to ask challenging questions and learn and explore.

You have plenty of time to figure this out.  Keep searching.  Talk to your thoughts, don’t just listen to them.  Lean into the spirit.

I hope we can continue this discussion as we learn and grow together. 

P.S.  If I could suggest one change, it would be to listen to a chapter of the Book of Mormon every day.   I listen first thing in the morning.  Some days I get something out of it, most days, not much, but  I rely on this habit because I want to stay.

Tulip Festival

 

On Monday, I had a day off from school, so I went to the Thanksgiving Point Tulip festival and lunch with new ward friends, Bonnie Benedict and Tammy Petty.  It was gorgeous!  The flowers were in perfection and we had a blue sky day. We loved walking through the giant sculpture garden.  It was delightful and good to run away...and I ran into an old ward friend, Pam Burt!

Grandkid Game Night April

 April's Grandkid Game night was hit and miss.... we missed Tayla because she was doing her Pinocchio show at CPT and Alfie for most of the night because he had his baseball game... but it was a hit because of these grandkid coloring pages I made using ChatGPT.  The kids loved them.    We did the usual things... colored, chatted, ate nuggets and fries and Papa Bread. Plus, we decorated spring cookies.  Aunt Holly provided these for our grands.   Sophia brought finger skateboards for everyone and showed them how they work.  Our life coach lesson was on feelings.  I showed them a chemical reaction with soda and viniegar and talked abut how this happens in the brain then filters down into the body and we feel stuff.....how they work and that they don't last that long, so don't stuff them down or bury them..just feel them...even bored and embarrassed.  We acted out different emotions and had guessers. We shared embarrassing stories-- it was a hoot.  Then we played Skyjo, trash, and cards & marbles.  I love these grands sooooo much. 

Tayla

George

Elsie

Sophia

lady

Andre

Alfie

Poppy

We all went to Tayla's Pinocchio show to support her.  She loves to perform.

Writing workshop

 I enjoyed a writing workshop at my friend Maurie's home with a creative writing professor from Weber State.  She had us write memories that filled us with joy.  We only had 15 minutes, and this is what I came up with:

I see my king of sourdough, my Wayne, in the kitchen with a razor blade, carving his bread with such care as he readies it to bake.  He stands in a cloud of flour that filters his features.  He appears softer, sweeter, gentler, even with a razor blade in hand.

My grandkids show up family by family through my front door on most Sundays.  Shoes are kicked off and squeals of "We're here" echo through my hallway.  Then a lot of hugs, smiles and touching their heads as their cherubic faces smile up at me.  Hair is askew, combed at one point but now in wild disarray, showing hours of play, pretending and snuggling under blankets. 

My friends are the kindest!  Their eyes light up when they see me, hug me, and talk to me.  I hope I'm mirroring the same shared light back at them.  To be connected and in relationship is everything.

I hide peanut butter M&M's around my house.  Three places really-- the kitchen pantry, my nightstand in the bedroom, and behind the monitor in my office.  Their bright colors call to me.  I pop them in my mouth, and the crack of the shell, followed by creamy peanut butter goodness, is so comforting.  When life gives me lemons, I reach for peanut butter.  I know it's not a great coping skill, but hey, it's not drugs or alcohol and it's delicious. 

Things I love about Easter Sunday...a new, bright colored dress, tulips and daffodils poking through fresh gardens, singing the few Alelujah Easter hymns, and greeting people wiht "He is risen." And hoping for a "He is risen indeed" in return.  

I remember standing in my Grandma Butters' pool, shaking, wanting to be back in the water, but Grandma just brought out warm oatmeal raisin cookies from her oven.  I love the taste of those oatmeal cookies mixed with chlorine running from my forehead into my mouth.  I want to be in the warm water, but I want the cookies more. 

Sitting in Grandpa Butters' gazebo, just hoping for a breeze.  Languishing in the heat with the background sound of kids splashing in the swimming pool.  We breathe in and breathe out.  No language, just enjoying each other.

My grandma's whistle was piercing.  She would pull it out to get our attention before a prayer. So, whistling and praying are tied together for me.  Like Pavlov's dog, I hear a whistle, bow my head, and fold my arms. 

I remember my dad singing every morning as he lovingly prepared breakfast before school started.  Always a morning person in a family of night owls.  Bright, chipper, and smiley as he clanked the pots and pans, prepping really thin crepe-like pancakes or Malt-o-meal.  Knowing we would be greeted warmly as we entered the kitchen, wiping the dust from our eyes was a beautiful way to start our day. 

Where are my glasses?  The ones usually on my head?  I take my eyes and sight for granted until everything, including this paper I try to write on, is a blur. 

Hosanna!

I was made to celebrate….. I love a gathering.  I love a birthday.  I love a graduation. I love ALL the holidays.   I love giving a “woot, woot’ or an “amen” when people are preaching, talking, or announcing.

At Christmas time the nativity characters I  identify with most are the Christmas Angels.  They had to fill the sky with the good news. They couldn’t stop themselves. 

I love the Old Testament scriptures of Miriam and others dancing as Moses leads them out of Egypt and across the Red Sea.  Or of David dancing and celebrating….

I love Jesus' triumphal entry on Palm Sunday.  

The new Chosen movie around this event actually uses fun, updated music with a great drum beat to show and help the audience feel the excited nature of this event.   The celebration is amazing.  I recall being at a Palm Sunday with the BHS choirs during Landon’s year in San Antonio Texas. We were at a big Catholic Church and the choir kids all got to participate in the Palm Sunday procession, waving palm leaves as they entered the church and got to their places to sing.  It was glorious!   I wanted to shout hallelujah and amen!

I loved being in Israel and around every turn a hymn came into my head as I walked where Jesus walked. I just kept singing. I had to praise the Lord.

On Palm Sunday we shout “Hosanna!”   David Butler said at a Palm Sunday celebration, “Hosanna is gratitude unfiltered and unhinged. It’s the big grace of a  big God pouring into a little heart that cannot be contained anymore and has to burst out.”

This feels so much like musical theatre…the song and the dance continue the story and the emotion.   Maybe that’s why musical theatre also speaks to me. 

There is a chapel right at the pools of Bethesda.  ( Saint Anne’s Chapel. ) While in Israel, I couldn’t contain myself and went to the front of the chapel and conducted our tour group in singing "How Great Thou Art."  I  felt compelled and had to burst forth.  I sang with all my heart and cried and sang some more.  It was glorious!  

I love Easter and the celebration.  He is risen....He is risen indeed!  

Girl's trip with "Carols"

 I adore my theatre girlfriends. 

Jan Smith, Me, Maurie Tarbox

Jan and Maurie are top-notch...and we talk about theatre stuff which we are all obsessed with that I don't get to really delve into and talk about with my other peeps.  We have known each other for decades...but really became besties in 2012  when we were in "5 Carols for Christmas."  We still do a lot of lunches together-- and shows together but we haven't spent time on girl's trip since 2018.  It's been too long. 

Maurie has an awesome house in St. George... and we enjoyed it for 3 days.  We stayed up too late and slept in ( 8 am) each day.

We biked and went to the new Chosen movie-- 2 episodes about the Last Supper and Jesus cleansing the Temple.  It was powerful.  We had protein for breakfast and ate early dinners- not just because we are now in our 60's but because we are smarter than we used to be.  We crocheted a lot-- I showed them the crochet sleeves I am putting on everything and then taught them how to do the hand-knitted chunky animals...Maure got started on a pink dog while I worked on pink Peeps.  We went TJMaxx shopping- which we love-- Jand and Maurie got matching shoes and Maurie and I got matching outfits.  We enjoyed "The Life List" on Netflix and an oldie, but a goodie-- "Out of Africa". Jan is on a Robert Redford kick.

Jan got us all Girls Trip 2025 hoodies to celebrate. We hiked in Snowcanyon.. and talked about all the things!

We are all faith-filled in the LDS church and love the faith journeys we have been on. We have taken charge of our spirituality and are not afraid to talk about the hard things.  I enjoy these discussions. 

We had to have pie from Croshaws and cookies from Dutchmans and took a Taffy-making class from the Taffy Shop.  It was a lot of fun and the taffy is delicious.  Megahn Parrish was down in St. George with her family and we stole her away for a few hours to do candy with us. 

We went to a new place for dinner with Sterling Hanks and his husband Steve... the Silver Reef Brewery in an industrial park off of River Road.  The restaurant is inside a brewery and it was delicious.  I'm still dreaming about the chicken fried Chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy and fresh green beans.   Plus they do their own home-brewed Root beer-- so delicious.   And, we got to meet the owner of the brewery- Dave Moody - who is Sterling and Steve's friend.  Dave said they've been doing specialty beers for a while but have just started making wine-- and "they say it's better than Jesus's.  I wouldn't know."  I thought why wouldn't he know, but when we three ladies all ordered rootbeer he on the side asked if we happened to be LDS-- we said yes and he said, "So am I!"  WHAT?  He was great to talk to, he's also the Gospel Doctrine teacher in his ward and likes to teach D&C 25 about the sacrament and wine.  We was raised in Delta Utah, became a Banker in LAs Vegas then started doing his own investments..and this brewery is one of them. Crazy!!

Me, Steve, Jan, Sterling, Maurie, and Dave Moody

10th grade pics

Sophia, Alex, Andrew

 It started with this.  Sophia sent to the full family feed her 10th grade picture along with Andrews and ALEX's.  So we all joined in.  Presenting 10th-grade pics of all of us.....

Melinda and Wayne

Bre and Addison

Tru and Landon

Lexi and Monson

Markus and Laila