You can't get them back....

We’re 30. It’s December. And he asks me what I want for Christmas this year.  I laugh and say…

Oh, I don’t know.  Sleep. Silence.  Sanity?

He half smiles because we both know I can’t have that.

We’re in our 60’s now.  It’s December.  And he asks me what I want for Christmas this year.

I look at the tree, filled with handmade ornaments, now decades old.  They hang quietly, untouched.

I look at the lights, glowing across an empty floor.

No longer full of toy cars, Lego, and crumbs.

I recall the years when everything felt crazy alive.

The squeals at sunrise.

The torn open boxes.

The little voices yelling, “Mom, come see!”

I cry and say, “Oh, I don’t know.  Just one more Christmas when they were little?”

He half smiles because we both know I can’t have that.

And that’s when it hits me. I got everything I thought I wanted when I was 30.  

The days are messy, but the years are magic. And you can’t get them back.

Enjoy them.

Christmas is now a melancholy time for me.

Poppy's baptism

 Our Poppy the Joyful got baptized and she was so thrilled!  Addison baptized her and Wayne confirmed her.  I said a prayer and her other 2 grandparents gave talks.  Poppy wore a gorgeous white dress, with a flower crown that her and Addison made together.  She sang a special song with some of her girl cousins-- "A Child's Prayer." She loved the attention.  

ON sunday, she got up and bore her simple testimony.  Poppy is very thoughtful and worte down what she wanted to say and remember about her baptism day... she said, " I was baptized yesterday and I felt warmness and peace. And now I'm trying to be like Jesus and I know it is hard to be like him.  Amen."

Daily November Gratitude

Gratitude list

Nov 1- Gorgeous day, my Wayne, U of U football game 

Nov 2- Sunday dinner gathering, grandkid hugs, smell of roast beef 

Nov 3- working at Utahonline, Fresca in my mug, rainbow eye glasses

Nov 4  walk to see the ducks, band, big-legged pants 

Nov. 5 - eating fresh bread, friend text feeds, Laila and Markus at the Marine Corps ball pic

Nov 6.  Chatting with friends on the phone, Walk to Maverick to get a Fresca, new series to watch on Amazon Prime. 

Nov 7. Crochet projects, friend-to-friend practice, dancing. 

Nov 8- District conference, vulnerable people, new words to “Because I have been given much.”

Nov 9. Water Tower branch, smell of bread, orange and red leaves on backyard trees

Nov 10.  Another gorgeous day to walk,   Wayne’s sourdough bread ,  live theatre- CPT’s A Christmas Story 

Nov 11.  Singing patriotic songs with my band, teaching reading, my friend Bonnie 

Nov 12. Making a funny video with Addison for jambooks, gorgeous weather, duck walk with Wayne

Nov 13.  Grandmas Butters birthday,  seeing Suffs at Eccles with Addison, playing eye spy with George. 

Nov 14. Grand kid game night- flashlight walk to Maverick to get slushies, playing Trash with enthusiasm,   Grandkid hugs 

Nov 15. Going to Bountiful temple with my Wayne, watching Wayne wash his Tesla, auditioning for Urine town, a clean house 

Nov. 16.  Rainy day, getting applause at the Water Tower branch after the choir sang, hot chili and warm bread

Nov. 17.  Staff meeting and working for an online school. Fhe with Edgar’s. Auditions 

Nov 18. Band day. Singing with Wayne. Frozen with Bre and Poppy

Nov 19. Lunch with Monson.  Making 20 lbs of mashed potatoes. a callback. 

Nov 20. ARP group. Safe drive to St. George. GFGT at Diane Lakes

Nov 21. Tesla drive to Lailas. Dinner with Laila and Markus. Listening to a book while we travel 

Nov 22. Sewing skirts for Laila. A Ute football win. Laila 

Nov 23. Wearing Green Day for Green Bay Football and Wicked.   Teaching Laila to sew.  Laila hug. Singing with Wayne’s guitar with Laila. 

Nov 24. Safe car.  Linner with Eric and Laura. Wanee is doing okay 

Nov 25.  Band — grateful to sing.  Able to take dinner in to Jeremy’s parents,  Christmas Music

Nov. 26. Home-made pies— banana cream and Apple cranberry!, Christmas trees, pie party

Nov 27. Macy's Thanksgiving day parade,  Landon and Alex hosting, family game time

Nov 28.  Christmas movies, my children, clean house

Nov 29.  Funerals, Favorite Sis-In-law Holly, Christmas movies

Nov 30.  Family dinner tradition- always an open invite- whoever can make it is welcome, Playing games with the grands, music- band practice 

Thanksgiving 2025

 

The Buzelli's spoil us on Thanksgiving!  They set a beautiful table- Mom and Marcie would love it - and they let anyone come who needs a place.  We had 20 people there.  Landon, Alex and Andrew - Me, Wayne, Dale, and Truman- Addison, Bre, Alfie, Poppy and George - Angela and Guy - Gary, Megan and Mary Call - Paula nd Eric and Mila ( Brazillian friends) 

Alex even set up a Photo opportunity spot!   

Wayne carved 2 turkeys, we also did mashed potatoes and gravy, and 6 dozen homemade rolls!  Addison and Bre did their sweet potato stacks and Carrots and Cabbage in a butter glaze, Gary and Megan provided the dressing and desserts-- so many leftover from their pie party. Angela brought a green salad and it was all delicious.

We played a little challenge during dinner-- We had things like "say wa wa every time you mention your water," or say really loud, "This is delicious, Me Likey" or "sneeze and call yourself, Mr. McSneeze bottom".  "Put plenty of rolls on someone else's plate". Landon kept loading up Alfie with out his asking, but Alfie thought it was great and kept eating all the rolls.  "Eat off of someone's plate",  "wipe someone's mouth", "Say goo goo ga ga, I'm a baby, feed me," "Ask where someone is going evey time they leave the table."  Mine was "say the turkey is dry everytime you eat a piece." The turkey was actually moist this year, since we cooked it with a meat thermometer and so when I kept saying it was dry, Wayne was getting so annoyed with me.  Finally he grabbed my little piece of paper with the challenge on it, and he laughed.

We broke into teams after dinner and did rounds and rounds of a Thanksgiving version of Family Feud that Landon found on the internet.  It was great, relaxing fun. Plus, we watched the Dog show competition.

We decided this was George's favorite Holiday.  He was thrilled with the Macy's parade watching in the morning, and couldn't wait to eat Turkey and rolls!  

George with Mila

We finished up our Thanksgiving night by serving at the Water Tower Branch.  We had our addiction recovery meeting as per usual on a Thursday night.  It just so happens this year that Christmas and New Year's Day are also on Thursday nights, so we will hold ARP then as well.  If there is a time for feeling alone and maybe giving in to an addiction, it would be these holidays.  Our people are all felons as well, so they really don't have family to celebrate with.  We took leftover rolls, turkey, and pie to eat after the meeting..and they were all so grateful to receive it.  

Quick trip to see Laila and Markus

We had a quick weekend trip to see Laila and Markus.  They are busy with school and work and school and   homework, but we were thrilled to spend some time with them.  We really love their new apartment, though and where it’s situated.  Once you park at their place, you just walk everywhere..to dinner, to stores,  to the movies.  It’s great.  Plus there is a window for Jet to look out of all day.  Jet loves this.

Laila had to work on Saturday so we spent the day going to Costco and watching the UofU football game with Markus.  So happy the Utes pulled it out in the last minute.  It was fun to watch. 

 I sewed 2 skirts and a top for Laila as well. No patterns.  I just channeled my design mode. She has a new machine and is learning to use it since she has to hem so many things.  I’m teaching her to sew a simple elastic waist skirt.  I went to Yoga with Laila and we cheered on the Green Bay Packers - Markus' team -  by all wearing Green! 

We went to see the 2nd Wicked movie.  We saw the first one together last Thanksgiving time, so it seems fitting that we see these movies with Makus and Laila.  

November stuff

Laila and Markus had the Marine ball.

 “Suffs” at Eccles was sooo good. I went with Addison, and we were astounded by it. It’s the history of how the Suffragettes– women, who after 80 years of trying finally got the vote. It has all women in the cast, even those playing the men’s roles.. it’s quite revolutionary. Their voices were all huge and the story is sad, but true, and finally ratifies it and the 19th amendment happens. It’s a little Hamilton-esque, but not really. It’s just amazing. I can’t rave enough about it.

Wayne did a big sourdough how-to for our FHE Empty Nesters, then we shared our ARP mission experiences. We had 23 people at our home and it turned out great.

My Girfriend group therapy was at Diane Lake's. We had 14 women come, and share holiday traditions, and enjoy each other's company.

Diane Lake, Kathleen Blake, Shannon Barnhill, Erin Perkins, Natalie Stobbe

Bonnie Benedict, Myken Crowell Shingleton, Me, Kimi Farly, Jo Murdock, Linda Noyce

Natalie Stobbe, Janet Webster, Leslie Leger, Jill Allsop Householder

Monson and Lexi had an epic Harry Potter party at their home Friday night for ward friends. They had 28 people there– their house was packed. It was a dress up party.   Monson was dressed in a pink suit and a  pencil skirt and a fascinator– he was Professor Umbridge.  Lexi was Luna Lovegood.

Monson and Lexi took their girls with them to the Utah game for their 11th Anniversary.  They got to see Andrew in the marching band.  This was part of their 11th anniversary celebration.  They found seats close together and by the end they were all together with their friends over in the bleacher seats..cheering and screaming and throwing Elise in the air when Utah did good things on the field.  Tayla loved being there too.  Lady was still deciding. She said it was fun it was just too loud for her.  The stadium is rocking, that’s for sure.  So fun the Utes won!

Frozen at HCT

Frozen opened at HCT and Bre and Poppy are fabulous in it.  Literally, Bre is perfect in this part and sings it beautifully and powerfully.  The spectacle that Hale is able to do is perfect for this Disney show.  Poppy is a towns person and is in the beginning of the show and at the end.  She is Samantha.  Olaf the snowman says, "Samantha?  I don't even know a Samantha."  Well that's Poppy. Poppy is living her best life.  She loves going to rehearsal and is so happy the show has begun.  There are a ton of performances so Bre is able to do this because she takes Poppy with her and Addison is with the boys at home.  George and Alfie loved it.  George wasn't too sure about Olaf up close though.  

 

Grandkid game night

 We played games, had our usual nuggets and tator tots and talked about what we are thankful for.    The highlight was the flashlight walk to Maverick for slushies.  It’s dark early now ..and the weather was pretty warm…so everyone got a flashlight or a lantern and off we went.   

We play a lot of card games... Trash is their favorite.  These kids love to color as well.. or draw their own pictures, but if the TV is on, they have zero attention span for anything else.  Screens take over.  So we turn off the TV in the family room, and put a movie on for George in our bedroom.  George isn't really old enough to be "all in" on the card games, so a movie is a great way to go, plus it gets pretty late.  By the end of the night, waiting for parents, all the kids piled on our bed.

New words

 We had an amazing District conference for our Jail/Prison district.  We are so blessed to serve as missionaries here. The conference was filled with really vulnerable stories of people that had one life of drugs, or prostitution, or abuse or addiction and then turned to God and now have another life filled with Jesus and the gospel.  Truly so marvelous. God is good!   ONe man named Mikey has written new lyrics to the song, "Because I have been given much" and sang to us with all of his heart.  His eyes were closed as he sang and emoted and it was stunning.  Here are the words:

 Michael Patience's song at District Conference

Because I have been given much, I too must give

Because of thy great mercy Lord this day I live.

I can't deny your love for me,

Sweet tender mercies that I see

I humbly give my will to Thee

Because I have been given friends who love and care

A place where I can go and feel your spirit there

Because my Savior's love for me

Returned me to my family

From bondage I have been set free

Because I have been given much I sing for you

To look into your eyes is one more dream come true

I can't deny His love for me

All of this beauty that I see

Right here is where I choose to be

Right here is where I choose to be

Baby trees destroyed!

Our two little trees that we planted last summer in our drive- strip are destroyed. 

Someone destroyed them!  Hacked them down! It's happened twice since September.  

I can't believe someone is going around vandalizing my trees. 

It seems no neighbor's trees are hurt, just my baby trees.  

Wayne and I are nice people.... we don't get it?...who doesn't like us?  

I was so bummed about my tree, and I lost faith in humanity.  Why are people so mean?

We contacted our neighbors to be on the lookout for someone who is attacking our trees!  

Well, come to find out. It was not a person at all. It was DEER! We expected deer living on the bench in Bountiful, but we live in the flat lands of Layton-- but close to Kays Creek and fields, and it's, evidently, a deer alleyway. Deer who are trying to shed their velvet-- LOVE small, young trees with thin, pliable bark to rub against.  It's called a buck rub. We will try again with new plants this spring.

This is Halloween

Wayne and I dressed up as Picasso and a Picasso… I was the painting.  It worked great. We all gathered at Add and Bre’s for pics as per usual.. And got to see all of the little grands in their costumes.    We only had 2 families of trick-or-treaters– we always hand out full-size candy bars now since we get so few people.  But it’s okay, we snuggled on the couch and watched a show.  

AHHHHH Halloween is over, and now I can say Happy Holidays!  I like Halloween…and I’m glad my grandkids love it and enjoy ALL of it. Monson's Family is all the Wiz of Oz characters, including their dog as the scarecrow.  Addison was a skeleton.  George sings the Nightmare Before Christmas song as, “Mrs. Halloween, Mrs. Halloween…”  It really says, “This is Halloween.”  So Bre dressed up as “Mrs. Halloween.”       Halloween really is a kid's dream…and a wonderful way for neighbors to greet and get to know each other.  It’s Alex, Bre, and Laila’s favorite Holiday, and we had gorgeous weather for it.  

Alfie had his dream Halloween night.  He went out with his friends trick-or-treating and easily hauled in 20 lbs. Of candy.  He got back to his home at 9 pm. and was doing the obligatory counting of the candy with his friends. Then they decided to go back out and go to all of the houses that had bowls of candy out that said, “Please just take one”… which they originally did, but now they were going to clean out those bowls!  They were out til 11!  Pretty funny and perfect for an 11-year-old boy.  

   Poppy dressed as Annie for Halloween and was happy as a clam.  Basically, her ruffle socks and shoes were the whole outfit– that and her curly hair and carrying around a sandy colored stuffed animal dog.  She’s so cute.  George was not so sure about trick-or-treating.  His parents made him go around and he lasted for about 45 minutes, then he begged to go home and go to bed.  He’s a hoot!  He says next year he, "wants to be a bat-- but not a scary one, Mom will be a sign, Alfie a house, Poppy a heart because she loves hearts, and Dad a button."

Landon and Alex had Halloween functions in SLC– and they invited Truman to go with them.  They did their Zeus and Hercules costumes.  Truman was one of  the soda Pop boys from K-Pop Demon Hunters… he loves the show too.