Wednesday, May 21, 2014

1st Anniversary of Mom's passing.....Graduation Day

It's graduation season...time for going out and using the education you have earned to make your way in the world, get a job, help your family, move on to the next grade or level in school or life.

 I've attended two of my mom's graduations.  We all cheered her as she crossed the stage to receive her diploma from Weber State after starting again as a student at almost 40 years old.  She was pretty impressive; graduating with honors, learning new skills, making many friends along the way and being a full time wife and mother too.   The second graduation happened last year on this day....... she took with her earthly knowledge, many memories, cherished relationships and I know she graduated into heavenly honors.  Mom's obituary

 Exiting this earth life really is like graduating.  It's not an ending, just another beginning.

What have I discovered about myself since my Mom graduated from our world?.......
Graduating from WSU at age 40!!!
I have decided a few things about my life.......
If I ever get cancer I’m probably  not doing Chemo therapy, depending on the cancer of course….what a waste of what could be quality time with loved ones and traveling and instead puts you feeling worse than ever for the months/years you go through it.  And why?  Many times it doesn't "work" anyway.  I  know what’s waiting for me on the other side and I’m looking forward to it.  Modern medicine makes it so we spend too much money and time trying to prolong our life so we can stay on this side of the veil when the other side is an exciting adventure just waiting for us.

I can hear my mom’s voice in my head so much.  Saying, "Good morning", or "Three kisses for I love you."  "Let's get you out of your pity party." " We work and then we can play."  I'm so glad I recorded her last talk to the family about her life's mission statement.  I listen to it often just to hear her beautiful low voice.

I love it when  people around town tell me I look like my mom.  Sometimes I see it.

The things that remind me of mom….sunsets, clouds, beaches, Bear Lake, roses, chocolate mouse, paint brushes, choir music, color code, puzzles,…….

 What have I learned?
1.  Life goes on even when your teacher, cheerleader and biggest fan leaves your world.
2. We can still  get together as an extended family, and do our tradtions old and new...but family time is more difficult,  more tender and someone is definitely missing.
3. My daddy-o is so capable, remains sweet, and positive even through two huge falls and hospital time. He is just so lonely and our  being around him doesn't alter that.
4.  You have to just keep living until you feel alive again.
5. Having close relationships is wonderful….and worth it, even though it makes death and parting so much more difficult.
6.  If I thought I had emotional eating issues before mom's death, it is nothing compared to this past year.  I have gained 25 lbs....and need to stop eating everything because my mom couldn't eat anything.

I wrote down some quotes from movies and books that just ring so true to me now.....
"Life is a big, fat, giant, stinking mess and that's the beauty of it too"
"We have good days and bad days and we seldom know at the time which is which."
"God isn't in the  events.  He's in the response to the events and the love that is given."

It’s been a difficult, teary, joyful and foggy 12 months.  My friend Laura described the first year after a loved ones death as a tornado year…. You are in the midst of a storm, where everything seems crazy and is whirling around you,  then finally you make it to the eye of the tornado and it seems that everything is calm and going to go well  and then the other side of the storm hits you….and it’s a wild emotional ride all over again.   I totally get this now.  It's been my tornado year.

Laila graduates from 6th grade this year.  I will officially be out of Elementary school after being there for 22 years!  She is learning this song from RENT as part of the festivities.    The lyrics are perfect as I think about my mom.

RENT:  525,600 Minutes:
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, 
measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In 
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you 
measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of 

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you measure 
the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or 
the way that she died.

Its time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends. Remember the love! Remember the love! Remember 
the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

 --listen to song 


Lands said...

Love you mommy. What a year it has been indeed. I was thinking about these past 12 months on my way to school today and for the most part they are a blur and quite foggy. Crazy how that works. Your momma was the best! How grateful I am for her. Know that I love you the most.

Andrew and Gina said...

LOVE seasons of love. Such a great song. I love what you said about the effort people put into staying on this side of the veil. Imagine if the spirits waiting to come to earth put that much energy into not being born.

Happy graduation season. You're in my thoughts today. Your moms wonderful legacy of love lives on.

Carolyn Black said...

I have been thinking about my sweet friend today too! I miss her! There have been SO many times this last year that I have made some new and fun recipe and I'll think - I have to call Sheri - she would LOVE this! And then I remember and cry.
My thoughts and prayers are with you dear friend. You have had a lot on your plate this last year.

S Foster said...

I love that you put your thoughts on paper. You will look back on this and be glad you recorded what is in your heart. Your mom is one in a mill.
love you.