Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Thoughts on the Gay marriage debate

I had an acquaintance ask me the other day, when he found out I had a gay son who has a partner and children,  "How do you reconcile your membership in the LDS church and the church's stand on gay marriage?" 

Hmmmmmm?..... I told him, "I'm all about the love."

But I haven't been able to let it go.

Here's what I think.................The Lord knows us and doesn’t care if we are Heterosexual or Homosexual.  It doesn’t matter to him one way or another.  He loves all of his children and is aware of our strengths and weaknesses.   It’s all good.   Gay or Straight he still commands us all to marry someone of the opposite sex and have children.   That is His loving mandate.   

Many of my friends and relatives who are homosexual,  have done just this.  They have found someone of the opposite sex to love and move through this life with.  They have made and  kept their temple covenants.  Enjoying good sex lives.   They are either open about it with their spouse or not. Many  have made it work through this life and now beyond.   Some have ended up in divorce but don't regret having a family and children. I love them for this courageous choice.


Many of my gay friends and relatives have chosen another path-- to have same sex relationships.  They are moving forward in their lives with happiness and fighting the LGBT acceptance fight. Some are married (depending on the state or country) some want to be and cannot. I love them for this courageous choice. 

Gay or straight, finding a mate is not going to happen for everyone. 

I believe that governmentally defined marriage is different from what the Lord is saying should happen in His temples.  All marriages outside of the temple are basically civil unions...they are about government and rights afforded to citizens.   An eternal marriage IS between a man and a woman in a temple.

We are a world wide church, not just a Utah or United States church. I am for marriage/civil unions of all people if it means equality under the law. 

But we have many more social problems concerning the treatment of LGBT people beyond the marriage debate and what side we are on.

I have seen too many people when they “come out” get kicked out, put out, shunned, commit suicide, start in on drugs and alcohol…anything to take their pain away. This makes me so sad.  What is wrong with these families?  What is wrong with the parents?  Are you really a Christian when you respond this way?  There is no shame in someone’s sexuality.  Being Homosexual is nothing that we can  “pray” away.    It is what it is.   I don’t know what it would be like to  be gay in a heterosexual world.  It would be difficult at best…so why do we make it harder for our brothers and sisters?


We have to stop making homosexual men and women feel so badly about themselves growing up in the LDS church.   It is an orientation not a choice or even an addiction.   There is so much mis-information out there.   Sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of.  Sexuality is also not  just who we are.  We are all Children of God.  We should be able to  have openly gay members in  our quorums and womens groups—their sexuality was not a choice….. how we treat each other is a choice.  Whether you are having sex or not doesn’t change your sexual orientation. 

If we all loved like we are supposed to then we wouldn’t have to draw any lines.  There would be no sides to be taken............but we are asked to take sides....so ....

I am going to stand on the side of unconditional love and acceptance.    I am choosing to do unto others what I would have them do to me….   I plan on being empathetic and my mother’s heart tells me that is not wrong.  I will not be the stimulus for another’s pain, suicide, or distancing from God.  I believe that we can all be on the Lord’s side…... The Lord’s side is very large and has room for all who love.

7 comments:

Teri said...

Bravely and beautifully stated Mel. Family and friends will love you for it and Heavenly Father will bless you for it. Couldn't agree more.

bre and add said...

Love love LOVE this. thank you for posting so openly. i wish there were more people just like you. love you momma

gma vh said...

Well said. Our responsibility is to show Love to all as we all come to Christ. Period.

S Foster said...

Amen.
How blessed am I to have you as one of my best friends? You have been the best example of teaching me about unconditional love, and living as Christ would have us live. There is a reason you are mom to Addison, Landon, Truman, Monson and Laila.
you're the best.
love you.

Amber said...

Love. This. Thank you for being you and sharing this. I agree and I have already shared it with so many people, because you say things so much better than I do. You are such a great example and someone I have always looked up to.

barbyb said...

So beautifully said. It's all about the love. I love you.

Haskell's said...

this world is already hard and scary... we don't need to make it harder by hating or judging. A mothers love should be one thing (not the only thing) that should never waver. I don't walk in others shoes, but i think for myself all the time how could i ever abandon or make my child feel like they weren't loved. You are a wise women. Love should be the easiest decision for us to make. i wonder why it's not always the one we choose.