Saturday, November 15, 2008

Cooking almost killed me!

I'm reflecting on the GREAT ROAST BEEF tragedy of 2006.
What is this, you ask? Well, this could be one of the many reasons why I gave up cooking and look upon cooking in general as painful....hmmm?

I'm reminded of this tragedy because it happened in November and my friend Si spoke of it recently-- she is either psychic or psycho.
I easily forget about unpleasant experiences, hence, I went through child birth 4 times, before I got smart and adopted. But this unpleasant time....is not easily forgotten.

Cue the spooky music and swirly tv screen as we go back in time....to 2006...

I had just returned from a fun filled weekend to NYC with friends ( Farleys and Fowers) and I was trying to be a "Mom" again and have my children love me by cooking a real Sunday dinner. I raced home from church to get my roast beef out of the oven. My house was smelling just like heaven-- I had some early Christmas tunes on....I had changed into my velour jammies and I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Afterall, I am the "Ultimate Mother of Zion" -- just look at my License Plate.

I opened the oven door, took out the big pot of roast beef with boiling hot au jus-- and kicked the oven door shut. I had done this maneuver hundreds of times. I happen to be very coordinated....but not today. Today I was tired. I hit the pan on the lip of the stove and tipped the contents of the roast beef and juice all over my thighs----- Did I tell you it was boiling hot?

I shiver in pain just thinking about this.....hence, my not thinking about painful experiences motto.

SCREAM!!!!!! SCREAM AND MORE SCREAM!!!!

ANYWAY.....

No one was home.
I had left church early. I knew I was too tired after the NYC trip, and would have slept through SS and RS anyway... so this was the searing punishment I deserved, right?

My being alone was probably a good thing-- I would have scarred my children for life had they experienced their crazy pain filled screaming mommy. I didn't know what to do. How to help
myself. I ran over the hot au jus to the carpet , ripped off my melted velour pants and ran up to the bath tub; filled it with cold water and knelt and screamed in the water as I tried to splash it up onto my thighs.
Any way...one ER trip, morphine, bandaids, tears, salve and knees filled with 2nd and 3rd degree burns later and I was back home.

I would post my burned knees pictures, but they are just gross. I had to heal and salve and scrub and d r- ug myself for about 6 weeks before my bandaids finally came off.

I got a lot of RS dinners because of my pain.....and my house cleaned a time or two, and I had some faith promoting experiences along the way. My knees are mostly fine but it took awhile before I wanted Roast Beef in my home again.

Can you believe the lengths I will go to, to not cook?

2 comments:

Si said...

I'm putting this on my nlog with a recipe for roast beef. Rare on the legs, please.

Si said...

that's BLOG not nlog!